“Sir Regen, I know why you’re upset. That’s why I came here to apologize.”
“So you know why.”
“I sincerely apologize for using my authority to give you an order that ignored your will.”
I placed my hand over the center of my chest and bowed my head slightly. But it seemed I had misunderstood the issue from the start.
“Thank you for your courtesy. However, that matter is irrelevant. A knight is inherently meant to follow orders.”
“Then… why are you so angry?”
His gaze, as if asking if I truly didn’t know, tangled with mine, which I genuinely didn’t understand.
Regen let out a breath, almost like swallowing a sigh, and then spoke. “When the only woman I must protect is insulted while shielding me, what knight would be pleased by that?”
“You know it was the best option.”
“The best option.”
The way Regen repeated my words carried a restrained bitterness. For a brief moment, I glimpsed a shadow in him.
Emotion began to seep into Regen’s voice. “That ‘best’ is Your Highness’s best. My best is different. I’d rather take the punishment myself than watch you be humiliated in front of so many people.”
“…Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
Conflicting emotions stirred within me. A sense of offense at his attitude that rendered my efforts meaningless rather than offering gratitude. And yet, a sense of joy at his resolve to throw himself into the fire, enraged by the insult I had suffered. The former was what I felt as his liege, and the latter was what I felt as a woman. But before I am a woman, I am a princess.
“Sir Regen.”
I needed to draw a line with words that would hurt. Not painful for him, but for myself.
“As you must know, those feelings are not entirely your own. They are not ‘genuine.’”
It was all because of the dominion. His feelings for me were influenced by the compulsion of the dominion. That noble loyalty, that tender reverence—no matter how much he offered them to me, they were not truly mine. And they never would be. The emotions he felt for me would always be flawed. But then, an unexpected response came.
“It doesn’t matter.” Regen rose from his chair. Placing one hand on the bed I was perched on, he leaned in close. His golden eyes captured me. “Princess Rosasia.”
“…”
“In the past, I cannot tell you about, I have spent my entire life protecting someone. Before considering justice or revenge, protecting someone has been the very reason for my existence. And now, the one and only person I must protect, the one I want to protect, is you.”
“…”
“Failing to protect you is not just a simple mistake or failure for me. It’s an entirely different matter.”
My heart trembled. It was because his words sounded like a passionate confession that my existence was what kept him alive.
He pressed a kiss to the back of my hand and made a request. “Please, I ask for your understanding and compassion for the circumstances of this knight.”
“…”
Compassion, he says. Watching him lower himself like that made the excitement I felt earlier seem almost meaningless—it hurt.
I wanted to respect his will. I didn’t want our relationship to be that of a ruler who simply bestows favors upon a servant. Was it so wrong to want to stand as equals with someone you loved?
“I understand what you’re saying. You’re asking me to prioritize protecting myself over protecting you, is that correct?”
“Yes, that’s correct.”
“Alright. I’ll do that.”
“Really?”
“I promise, on my name.”
“…As always, I am grateful for your consideration.”
At my firm promise, Regen’s expression softened, seemingly satisfied. So I swallowed the words I wanted to say next. In the end, protecting you will mean protecting myself.
I knew the imperial palace, the mad emperor, and the competition all too well. Regen would soon understand that I had been right.
My choice to remain silent had been wise. It allowed our conversation to end on a lighter note.
“Are you no longer upset now?”
“…I wasn’t angry at you. I was angry at myself.”
“I see. You worked hard today, Sir Regen.”
“So did you, Sasha.”
Finally, Regen called me by name again.
Regen filled my glass. The drink he poured didn’t feel like alcohol. It was sweeter than any fruit juice.
After that, we spent time sharing casual conversations and full glasses of drinks. About banquets, the princesses, and even that filthy little chick I didn’t even want to mention. The conversations were neither deep nor meaningful, but they were necessary. It was a time to confirm that his anger had subsided.
Our relationship was a relationship where we tread carefully around each other. The path ahead may be filled with storms and flames, making it a precarious relationship. But it didn’t matter. Because I wouldn’t be going to let him go.
✦
The trivial conversations exchanged for social purposes had long ended. Where the pleasant, glass-like voice of the princess once resonated, only the peaceful sound of soft breathing remained.
Sasha, who had been drinking the alcohol Regen offered as if it were some heavenly nectar, eventually started nodding off and then completely lost consciousness. If he hadn’t immediately stood up from his chair to catch her face and shoulders and gently lay her down, she would have collapsed with a painful thud.
I thought she could hold her liquor since she was drinking so well. But it was the opposite. Regen decided to keep track of how many glasses Sasha had emptied.
“…”
Looking at the princess lying on the bed with her platinum blonde hair scattered across the sheets, Regen felt a complicated and subtle mix of emotions. Everything he currently possessed had originated from the princess, but at least nominally, this was his bed. And he had never let another woman lie in his bed before.
The problem was the princess, who had fallen asleep without a care in the world. Sasha, who normally seemed so composed, was sometimes incredibly defenseless. And right now, it was far too much.
Of course, Regen knew the reason. It was because he resembled her deceased brother, and she only saw him as her brother. That was probably why she had tried to protect him at the banquet today, even going so far as to get wine spilled all over herself—because she overlapped him with her brother.
“Good grief.”
Regen grabbed a handful of Sasha’s platinum blonde hair. The silky strands slid softly between his fingers, tickling them.
“Where in the world would you find a brother like this?”
It wasn’t proper to let a precious princess sleep in a man’s bed. Though he had long since decided he should move her to her own chambers, he had been letting time slip by, neglecting his duty. Was it loyalty, not wanting to disturb her peaceful sleep? Or was it for some other reason?
“Regen…”
The oblivious princess murmured softly in her sleep. The name rolled off her delicate tongue, but it was unclear whether she was calling for him or her deceased brother.
It’s probably the latter. The moment Regen came to that conclusion, something about it didn’t sit well with him. He looked down at the lips of the name for a while. He thought that if he waited, the call of ‘Sir Regen’ would come out of the small in her lips. Regrettably, the princess fell into a deep sleep, and he didn’t hear her voice anymore.
More than enough time passed, but Regen was still unmoved. Her plump red lips caught his gaze and wouldn’t let go. Regen reached for her face. A long, well-groomed thumb carefully swept over the princess’s lower lip. At that moment, he sensed a very strange impulse awakening in him for the first time. What if he kissed her?
“…”
Startled by his own thought, Regen inhaled sharply as if trying to force that thought away. Only when he drew so much in the air that it felt like he might consume the entire room did he manage to suppress the impulse. As the breath left his body, his usual loyalty and reverence returned to take its place.
It must be because of the dominion. Regen latched onto that perfect excuse, reassuring himself. It was nothing more than a fleeting impulse manipulated by the dominion’s influence. No more, no less.
Realizing he was at his limit, Regen finally moved. Carefully, he lifted the princess in his arms. And just as he carried her out of his space—he forced her out of his heart as well.
