IWPU 28

Chapter 28

Anasha spoke again, perhaps unsettled by my silence.

“They said… these were things your mother, Shiona, used when she was a child.”

I looked again at the items in the box. They were certainly things a young girl would use. I picked up a yellow hair tie. Its color had faded with age. The rest of the items were similarly worn from use—clearly too old and tattered to be used again.

“I have no use for these.”

“You still refuse to acknowledge Shiona as your mother?”

“That’s an unnecessary concern.”

At my firm response, Anasha bit her lower lip. It wasn’t that I refused to acknowledge the Marchioness as my mother. Ever since I realized who I truly was, I had never once considered her as such. That distinction was significant.

Refusing to acknowledge the Marchioness as my mother would imply that I subconsciously recognized her as such but was in denial. But that wasn’t the case. From the beginning, I had thought of her and myself as entirely separate individuals.

Personally, I thought the Marchioness was a pitiful woman. But that was all. I wasn’t sad because of her misfortune, nor was I angry at her indifference. To me, she was just someone I knew by face, nothing more, nothing less.

Anasha hesitated for a moment before speaking, lips red from biting.

“I don’t like you, Bionne.”

A laugh escaped me. She had her fists clenched like she was making some grand confession. I replied dryly.

“So?”

Her eyes widened, clearly not expecting such a response.

I sank further into the back of the sofa. Everything suddenly felt exhausting. I just wanted to go home, wash up, and crawl into bed. Perhaps irritated by my indifference, Anasha slammed her hand on the table and shouted.

“You could have everything if you wanted, so why do you look like you’ve given up on it all?!”

Tears were forming in the corners of her eyes. Why was she like this to me? Shouldn’t I be the one shouting and emotional? Yet she was acting like the victim here.

“So what are you trying to say, Anasha?”

“I… I just think that you…”

“Could you be more specific? I’m tired.”

I pressed my fingers against my throbbing temple. Everything suddenly felt dull. Today had been an especially tiring day—from meeting the Emperor and Crown Prince, to dealing with Evan and Anasha. I was utterly exhausted.

Anasha took a moment to catch her breath. From what I’d seen, she wasn’t the type to get worked up easily. Sure enough, she quickly regained her composure.

“Aren’t you going to ask why I’m here?”

“Am I supposed to ask?”

She bit her lower lip again, then let out a long sigh.

“This is exactly why I dislike you. You act indifferent, as if nothing matters. You don’t even care how the social circles see you, do you?”

“Is there any reason to care about views that aren’t favorable anyway?”

I shrugged. Even now, the rumors about me weren’t exactly positive. Most of it was born from envy, but I had certainly contributed to it myself.

I had lived without caring about what others thought. Life was too short to spend it trying to conform to others’ standards. I had already done enough of that when I lived as Lee Jia.

Like the Bionne of before, though not to an extreme, I planned to live doing what I wanted within reason.

“Do you know how much he worried about you?”

I straightened from my slouch. I couldn’t understand what part of me my grandfather had been worried about.

Was I really living too selfishly?

I thought hard, but nothing came to mind.

Yes, I had lived according to my own desires, but objectively speaking, I’d been rather well-behaved. I’d spent most of my time at the estate with Rant. I went out occasionally, but nothing scandalous. I tilted my head.

“You look like you don’t understand.”

I nodded honestly, and she sighed again. For some reason, that annoyed me.

“Why did you accept El’s inheritance rights?”

I frowned at the abrupt topic change. Her sudden mention of El’s succession rights made me suspicious.

“That’s a sudden question.”

“El, that child is…”

She choked up when she mentioned El. He was her greatest weakness. Not only was he born frail, he had also never been able to see. The blue sky, the green trees, the colorful flowers—all of it were imaginary to him.

Anasha cleared her throat and continued.

“Bionne, as you know, El has a disability. In principle, he shouldn’t even be eligible for succession…”

Children with disabilities were, in principle, disqualified from inheriting titles. Disabilities were seen as a hindrance to upholding and developing a noble house. Even a firstborn son wouldn’t be considered a successor if he had a disability.

The only exception was if no other heirs—direct or collateral—remained. In El’s case, with me around, his chances of inheriting were nearly nonexistent. Moreover, I had the founder’s name as my middle name, which granted me priority in inheritance. Even if El were male, I would still come first.

Even if my grandfather had changed his mind and wanted to give El the title, he couldn’t. Everything favored the one bearing the founder’s name. That was why giving someone the founder’s name was not done lightly. Even if one wanted to change it later, it couldn’t be undone once entered in the official records.

“If you opposed it, that will wouldn’t have been valid.”

Grandfather had given the title to El. But before El, it had been given to Evan. That made sense. I was engaged to the Crown Prince, and unless something changed, I would become Empress. Someone else had to carry on the family name. Grandfather made the obvious choice.

Back then and even now, I could’ve blocked the decision using the founder’s name. But at the time, I had no interest in the title, and now, I see no reason to take it from El.

“Your half-brother received a middle name too, didn’t he?”

Rant had been granted a surname and middle name upon joining the Ellient family.

At the time, I found out late and was furious. Even though I didn’t need it, the idea that something that could have been mine was given to Rant drove me mad. The nanny’s whisperings had fanned those flames. I hadn’t had the guts to confront the Marquis, so I’d taken it out on Rant instead.

Like the Count Peason family, the Ellient Marquess family had few heirs. There were distant branches, but very few bore the family name. Rant was the youngest male among them. Now, I had come to accept—almost naturally—that Rant would inherit the title.

“What does any of this have to do with El and Rant?”

I couldn’t guess what she was getting at. Anasha looked at me with a sad, pitiful smile.

“Bionne, don’t you have any desire?”

“Of course I do.”

No one is without desire unless they’re a saint. I laughed at her ridiculous question. I doubted her judgment—what part of me seemed without desire?

“Then why don’t you want the title? You’re in a position to inherit not only the Count title, but the Marquisate too.”

“You must’ve forgotten—I’m the Crown Prince’s fiancée.”

“You mean the position you keep postponing by avoiding the coming-of-age ceremony?”

I frowned. Only the Emperor and Crown Prince knew I hadn’t held my coming-of-age ceremony. And they had only just learned that today when I entered the palace.

How does Anasha know this?

I sat up straight and stared at her.

“No need to be so tense. That’s not the important part.”

Maybe not for her, but it was very important to me. Her comment meant she had eyes and ears near me. I didn’t bother hiding my displeasure, and she sighed and shook her head.

“Bionne, I didn’t spy on you. There are just many ears in the palace, and I happened to be connected to one.”

She didn’t seem to be lying. But you can never fully read another person. She continued, perhaps noticing my continued suspicion.

“I swear on El.”

With grandfather gone, El was her entire world. I chose to believe her.

“You must be quite capable, having ears in the palace.”

“It’s a necessity when running such a large merchant group.”

She had a point. For a merchant, especially one of her level, information was vital. Especially news from the palace. I nodded, accepting the explanation.

“Bionne, just one question. Why are you trying to let everything go?”

“You mean the title?”

“Not just that. You’re indifferent to people and things alike. The title is just a part of it. What does family even mean to you?”

Family…

Since becoming truly myself, I hadn’t placed any real meaning on the concept of family. But what did that have to do with this?

“When I look at you,” she said, “you seem like you could disappear at any moment. Do you know how much that drives the people around you mad?”