I looked up at the sky. It was a clear blue without a single cloud. The flawless sky was so dazzling that I had to close my eyes. It had already been four years since the Marchioness passed away. In three months, it would be the fifth anniversary of her death.
‘Isn’t that about the same amount of time left until my sixteenth birthday?’
Just like back then, my coming-of-age ceremony and engagement with the Crown Prince took place at his own coming-of-age celebration. The Emperor had tried to hold the wedding ceremony together with the engagement, but the First Prince’s faction strongly opposed it. Officially, they said it was because I was too young—but anyone with sense could tell they were just stalling for time. They probably hoped our engagement would fall apart before then.
The Emperor stepped back and decided to wait until I came of age. As soon as that time came, he pushed ahead with the marriage as if he’d been waiting for it. If things went the same way this time, I would become the Crown Princess on the very day of my sixteenth birthday.
“…Bionne.”
Someone grabbed my shoulder firmly. Startled, I opened my eyes. Threads of silver, sparkling like light spun into silk, filled my vision.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
His golden eyes were filled with concern. With a stern expression, he carefully examined my complexion.
“Are you feeling unwell?”
If it had been the old me, I would’ve been thrilled to see him worried about me. But now, all I felt was a faint ache in my heart—nothing more.
‘Don’t be fooled by his kindness.’
He was just treating me kindly as his fiancée, as he’d been trained to do as Crown Prince. I knew how his eyes used to shine when he looked at her, like a clear, sunny sky. I remembered his warm, honey-sweet smile.
‘Don’t fool yourself. His love was never meant for me.’
I repeated the truth I already knew over and over. The ache in my heart gradually faded.
“This won’t do. I’ll summon the royal physician.”
He began to stand. I hurriedly grabbed his arm.
“I’m fine.”
He turned to look at me. I repeated myself firmly.
“There’s no need to call the physician, Your Highness.”
“You don’t look well.”
He tried to stand again, but I gripped his arm tighter.
“It’s nothing. I just felt a little dizzy for a moment.”
The Crown Prince looked back and forth between my face and the hand holding his arm. Finally, he let out a small sigh.
“Are you truly all right?”
“Yes, I am. I’m sorry for worrying you, Your Highness.”
I released his arm. He said nothing for a while, and the silence between us felt heavy.
I had to meet with the Crown Prince two or three times a week under the guise of tea time. It was the Emperor’s command, given to me when I no longer stepped out of the mansion. Back then, I used to visit the palace constantly, just to see him. The Emperor had never needed to order me to meet him.
At the time, he found me bothersome. He was polite, but his attitude was half-hearted. I had been too smitten to notice.
Now, he was a little different—more respectful, more gentle.
‘Is it because I’ve changed?’
Maybe. I no longer treated the palace like my second home just to see him, nor did I harass the women who showed interest in him.
The fact that this alone earned me his concern made me feel foolish about my past self.
“It’s already been two years since we got engaged.”
We had the engagement ceremony at his coming-of-age, so it had been well over two and a half years now. He smiled bitterly.
“Have I made some kind of mistake?”
He had done nothing wrong. As a fiancé, he treated me with respect and kindness at all times.
And that was the problem.
If he had treated me coldly, as he used to, it would’ve been much easier to let go of these lingering feelings. But his gentle eyes and warm voice kept stirring my heart.
“Please tell me. Have I wronged you somehow?”
“You’re mistaken, Your Highness. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
I avoided his gaze as I answered. My head was cold, but my heart burned. If only I could stop seeing him, things would be easier—but life was never that simple.
“Then… is it simply that you’re uncomfortable being with me?”
His sudden question made me look up. At some point, he had come very close. The tenderness from earlier was completely gone from his face.
“Tell me, Bionne. Am I making you uncomfortable?”
He seemed angry—or maybe not. I couldn’t read his face at all. Only his golden eyes burned in my vision, and I could see my reflection trembling in them.
A pitiful girl, shaking with fear…
It hit me like a splash of cold water.
Habit is a frightening thing. Years of reading his moods had made me timid.
But I was no longer that anxious girl who tried desperately to please him. I didn’t want to be by his side. I didn’t long for his love. I had nothing to fear from him anymore.
I looked straight into his eyes.
“If I say I’m uncomfortable, does that mean we can stop meeting like this?”
“…Ha!”
He laughed, clearly in disbelief. His laughter stopped, and he looked straight at me. His golden eyes turned dark and heavy. A silent pressure radiated from him. I clenched my skirt tightly to keep from being overwhelmed.
“I am your fiancé. You are aware of that, aren’t you?”
“An engagement can be broken, Your Highness.”
He stared at me silently. No emotion crossed his face. Under the bright sun, his pale skin looked almost like wax—like a doll.
At last, he moved. Leaning back slowly, he rested against the chair. One long leg crossed over the other. Just from changing his posture, his entire aura shifted.
“Do you even know what you’re saying?”
He smiled—a smooth, elegant smile like it had been drawn onto his face. He looked relaxed, but facing him made my palms break into a cold sweat.
Though he was smiling, it felt like someone was holding a knife to my throat. My mouth was dry, and though I could see the half-full cup of tea in front of me, I didn’t dare touch it.
“I know exactly what I’m saying,” I said.
He said nothing, just watched me with those golden eyes, studying me. It made me feel like a frog under dissection. I clenched my fists tightly.
“Are you saying you want to break off our engagement?”
“Yes, Your Highness.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t love you.”
“Hahaha.”
He laughed aloud, his voice crystal clear.
“I never imagined you’d be so entertaining. You have a talent for teasing people.”
“I’m not joking.”
His smile vanished. A smirk slowly tugged at one corner of his mouth.
“Love, you say… I can’t tell if you’re truly naive or just pretending to be.”
Among royals and nobles, it was rare to marry for love. Marriage was not about the individuals—it was an alliance between families, a transaction to secure mutual interests.
I, too, had been born a noble lady and lived enjoying its privileges. Marrying the Crown Prince was the logical choice for the family. But I already knew it would end in tragedy. I didn’t want to follow that path again.
After our engagement, I had tried again and again to find a way to avoid the marriage. When I couldn’t think of anything, I even considered waiting for the girl he once loved to appear again—then ask him to step down once he fell for her again. Of all the desperate ideas I had, that one seemed to have the highest chance of success.
But ideally, the best solution was to not marry him at all. Life was short. I didn’t want to waste mine.
“My dream is to fall in love with someone and spend a sweet, quiet lifetime together.”
A simple, perhaps even ordinary dream—being loved and cherished by someone I loved. Something Lee Jia had known, but the Bionne of back then never did. I was determined to have that happiness.
“There’s no reason it has to be me by Your Highness’s side.”
He still wore that amused smile. He looked as though he were watching a pet perform a trick. I didn’t stop.
“It was an engagement based on conditions. If there’s a lady with better qualifications, wouldn’t that be better for you?”
The Crown Prince had everything—an ancient noble lineage, wealth, power. He lacked nothing. But I wasn’t the only one with such qualifications. The girl he loved once had them, too. We had similar conditions. The only difference was timing. That was the tragedy of us all.
“Why not look again? You might find someone better suited than me—maybe even someone kind.”
“There’s no one with better qualifications than you, Bionne.”
His voice was low and sweet, as if whispering love. His eyes curved like crescent moons. He smiled, but his gaze was cold as ice.
“Are you sure about that?”
I had every intention of doing everything I could to stop this marriage. I didn’t care what others thought of me. I no longer needed to win his favor.
‘I am no longer who I used to be.’
“If you’d like, I could find the perfect lady for you myself.”
“…Ha. Fine. Let’s say, for the sake of argument, there’s someone better than you. And then what?”
‘Then you should go to her!’
Just as I was about to say it, he raised his hand, stopping me. I shut my mouth.
“We’re already engaged. You are already my fiancée.”
“But—”
His pale, slender fingers reached for my face. Shocked, I froze, forgetting what I was about to say. Slowly, he cupped my cheek.
“There’s a much simpler way, isn’t there?”
Dude I don’t think she can reject any clearly than that… eggy don’t you go find your mistress