~Chapter 5~
I dreamed every night.
Sometimes they were sweet moments from that other world, and sometimes they were nightmares that made it all seem like a lie.
Was it a nightmare?
The fact that I was here, not in that world, already made everything a lie.
Today, upon waking from a dream, I searched for a clue to another world.
I scoured books, prayed in churches, and sought out those called “otherworlders”.
All in vain.
Each person I met was a scammer. Yet to me, they were like a lifeline, and I gave them as much money as they asked.
The insurance payout from the hit‑and‑run accident, and the settlement money from the culprit I later caught, were enough to fill my bank account. I gave it all, as long as it meant a chance.
Even that was nearly depleted now.
Night after night, out of habit, I returned to the scene of the accident.
If I was hit by the same accident at the same time, would I be able to cross over to that world again?
The so‑called “reincarnation truck” you read about in novels. Did it carry me there briefly?
Even such a cliché gave me no comfort anymore.
I needed information — concrete information. But all I heard were meaningless stories.
Nothing came of it.
Each night I cried. The pain of longing was sharper than any physical agony.
“Khalid… are you well?”
I sank down quietly by the roadside where the accident had happened.
The winter wind was sharp and bitter, like a blade.
“The northern snow plains are colder. But if you ever have a chance, it’s worth going. The sight of the snowy plains as the dawn breaks is truly beautiful.”
It was a bitterly cold day when those words surfaced.
With each passing day, the memory of his face grew faint, and I was afraid it would disappear.
“I… am not well.”
Tears fell, drop by drop.
At this point, choosing the final path — one that might kill me — felt like the only option left.
I had no reason left to live.
With the sting of the wind came the faint shimmer of snow. Tiny ice‑crystal snowflakes fell from the heavens, melting upon my tears.
It was cold, bitterly cold… and lonelier than anything I had ever felt.
The streets were empty at this early morning hour.
Slowly, I stood and stepped onto the black asphalt.
My decision had been made long ago.
The only reason I hadn’t acted was because of a lingering hesitation.
What if this was wrong? What if I never saw him again?
But I could think of no other way.
“I’m sorry, Khalid. This is the only way I can think of.”
If life meant a world without him, then it was no life at all.
Each day felt like it was mocking me, telling me it had all been a sweet dream.
That thought was too much to bear.
This world had no gods, no holy powers.
I wondered endlessly why I had lived as Rivie Arfin for five years in that world, only for it to be taken from me.
Why give me a taste of a dream that would end so soon?
I had no answer, but if any god existed, they must have known.
In that world, the gods watched over Rivie Arfin, holy priestess of the goddess Besia.
If that god existed, then it must have wanted something from me.
“If you want something from me, you must listen to my wish too. Let me see Khalid one more time…”
I had suffered enough. Now it was my turn.
I clenched my fists and looked up at the sky.
Snow fell, soft and serene, contrasting sharply with the turmoil within.
Honk — Honk!
A dump truck, like the one that had hit me a year ago, came hurtling down the narrow, two‑lane road.
According to my investigation, this was a quiet area — a huge dump truck passing by at this hour was rare. Yet here it was.
A faint smile crossed my lips.
So… the gods were watching after all.
“Keep your promise, Besia.”
Bang — !
A shattering impact surged through my body, quickly giving way to pain, and then, silence.
My left hand clenched the ring Khalid had placed upon it. In my right hand, I held the ring I had meant to give him.
With that, I embraced death… once more.
But this was different.
This death was a choice. My choice.
I had been hit by a truck twice. It was no wonder I felt broken.
“Ugh… urgh…”
My body felt torn apart, as if it had truly been ripped to pieces. Perhaps it had been.
I tried to rise, but the pain was blinding, as if every inch of me was bound tight.
A faint snow fell upon my upturned face. The gray skies wept, and the ground was covered in a thin blanket of white.
… I was alive.
More surprisingly, this was not a road.
With growing hope, I slowly turned my head. The dense forest around me was unfamiliar, yet somehow felt like home.
Although deep in a forest, this was undoubtedly the world I longed for.
“Hah… ha… haha…”
With no guarantee, I had thrown myself into death, but… the gods had been watching.
That was certain now.
The gods must have wanted something from me as well.
That was why they granted this wish.
A shiver ran down my spine from the cold, forcing my body to move. Every shift brought a sting of pain.
“Where… am I?”
Everywhere I looked was covered in thin, bare trees, shrouded in a veil of white.
I narrowed my brows and tried to stand, only for pain to shoot up my knees.
My legs shook wildly, disobedient and unstable.
Looking down, I felt a jolt. The legs weren’t those of some new, unfamiliar body.
I knew this body.
It was the one I had spent a year in rehabilitation with. The one I had learned to walk with, every agonizing step.
This was… my body.
With a strange sense of foreboding, I stumbled forward, searching desperately for a surface to glimpse my reflection.
At last, a small unfrozen lake appeared.
Staring down, I was met with the reflection of a face I hadn’t seen properly in over a year.
A pale, gaunt face, dark circles under the eyes, sunken cheeks. The sharp angles made it resemble a skull.
Pale skin, nearly translucent from a year spent indoors, framed by long black hair and tired, dark eyes.
It was unmistakably… me.
The sharp sting in my knees was proof enough that this was no illusion.
“Is this… my body? Am I… here like this?”
This was no possession. No shift of the soul into another shell.
The gods had brought me here just as I was.
“Oh my god…”
My legs gave out, and I sank down to the snowy earth.
A bitter wind passed, brushing across the same cheek that had felt the truck’s final kiss.
It felt like a warning.
“Do not covet what was never yours.”
I had not asked for another chance to love. Not for a second chance to walk as Rivie Arfin.
I knew it was too much to ask. This body had never been mine to claim.
But still… it was I who spoke words of love with Khalid. Even if those words came from Rivie Arfin’s lips.
I bit down until my lip drew blood.
Perhaps this was the god’s warning.
“Do not long for what you can never have.”
I shook my head violently.
A year. Just one year. Let me see him once more.
That was all I asked.
With shaking legs, I pulled myself to my feet and staggered forth.
I refused to die here, alone and forgotten.
“Let’s find him. Let’s see him, if only for a moment. Just one more time…”
With that thought, I pressed onward, across the icy earth.
One more chance. One more chance to stand before him, just as I was.
