Chapter 62
The Masquerade Ball (2)
“Ugh, mmph!”
Dragged into a dark room with no light, Letina struggled frantically, her arms flailing in resistance. She wanted to scream for help, but the hand clamped tightly over her mouth prevented any sound from escaping.
A strong arm wrapped around her from behind, pulling her in. Letina remembered Lina’s warning — that unpleasant incidents sometimes happened at masquerade balls, so she must always be careful — and fought even harder. Fear blanked her mind; even the self-defense techniques her brothers had taught her completely vanished from memory.
“Shh, quiet now. Letina — it’s me.”
The hand that had been covering her mouth released its hold. Still in a state of panic, Letina didn’t hear the voice right away and continued to struggle — until a familiar scent made her freeze. Slowly, she turned her head, and through the dimness, she saw half of the crown prince’s masked face.
“Your… Highness?”
“I told you — when we’re alone, call me by my name.”
Harold buried his nose against the nape of her neck, inhaling deeply. Only after his senses confirmed that it was truly her in his arms did he seem to calm down.
“I thought I’d go mad from missing you.”
“How did you—?”
“You wrote in your letter that you’d be attending the masquerade, didn’t you?”
Harold’s thick arms tightened around her slim waist, holding her as though she were something precious he’d finally recovered after losing it for a long time.
This time, he had opened Sart’s letter the moment it arrived — and upon reading that Letina would attend the ball, he’d dropped everything to come. He knew that delaying today’s duties would only bring twice the trouble tomorrow, but he couldn’t bear to lose the chance to see her.
“You said you were very busy… I thought I’d see you at least once, but I never imagined it would take this long.”
Relieved to finally meet the crown prince again, Letina clutched his arm. Even just leaning back against him filled her body with warmth.
Harold, not wanting anyone to interrupt this reunion, locked the door behind them. The room was one guests used for resting during the party, but now no one could enter.
He suddenly lifted Letina up into his arms and carried her to the small sofa bed inside. It was meant for fainting ladies undone by their corsets and was far too small for Harold’s tall frame — but he didn’t care.
Still held by Harold, Letina found herself lying atop him. Realizing that she was sitting on his abdomen, she panicked and tried to pull away — but Harold frowned.
“Are you trying to seduce me right now?”
“N-no, that’s not—!”
As she tried to retreat, Harold pulled her right back. The sudden movement threw off her balance, and she nearly fell forward before he caught her.
Her hand, reaching out for support, landed squarely on his chest — so broad that her palm barely covered it. Harold glanced at the hand resting over his heart and smiled faintly.
“I-it’s not what it looks like! It’s just— your ribcage is so wide!”
“Ribcage, huh. That’s quite a clinical word. So, do you dislike it?”
“I don’t dislike it, but still…”
Teasing me, as always. Letina smacked his chest lightly with her fist, pouting. Harold, though struck, only grinned, unable to take his eyes off her.
“Who told you to dress up this beautifully?”
He brushed the hair from her face, letting the strands fall behind her shoulder. The motion revealed the soft curve of her neck and shoulder.
“Are you trying to impress someone?”
“Yes, of course.”
“And who might that be? Say the name.”
His voice dropped low, and the grip on her waist tightened. Though he fully expected the answer to be himself, some irrational jealousy flared within him, compelling the question.
“Who else would it be? The wretched Harold Ludenheim who swore he’d come see me — and never showed his face once.”
“Wretched, am I?”
“Yes, wretched.”
“Well then. I seem to have gained a new first name without realizing it.”
Even though she’d prefaced his name with an insult, Harold tilted his head back and laughed in delight. He drew her against his chest, and the warmth that spread through him felt blissfully comforting.
No more words were needed. Even a few teasing exchanges like this made up for all the time they’d spent apart.
“If being apart for just this long drives me crazy missing you… what am I supposed to do? I feel like I’ll only be satisfied if I can see you every day.”
Harold patted her back gently, as though trying not to break the moment. How he wished time would stop — that they could stay like this forever. He didn’t want to return to the reality where, once they left this room, they’d have to pretend to be strangers again.
“I don’t ever want to be apart. I want to stay with you for life. What about you?”
Resting her ear on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, Letina smiled softly. She, too, wanted that — to make vows with him, to live a lifetime together. She’d never considered marriage before, but with him, she could imagine it: building a home, having children who resembled them both, and living a simple, happy life.
“…Me too.”
Letina answered at once. Yet despite her faint smile, there was a shadow on her face.
But could that ever really happen?
If the crown prince were to marry, and she herself were sent north… perhaps they might never see each other again.
To hide her unease, Letina traced the gold embroidery on his uniform with her fingertip. She wanted to think only happy thoughts while she was with him — yet reality kept intruding, veiled behind her longing.
He was right here, the man she had missed so much. She should be memorizing every detail of him, not worrying about uncertain futures. And yet, she couldn’t shake the thought.
“Your Highness.”
“Harold.”
Letina lifted her body slightly and looked down at him. He met her gaze gently, brushing a strand of hair from her shoulder. When the shawl she’d been wearing slipped down, he caught it — not to cover her, but to support her back as he sat up with her.
“Your Highness… are we lovers? Or are we only… sharing a body?”
Letina cupped his cheeks between her palms, forcing him to meet her eyes so he couldn’t turn away. The words tumbled out bluntly — and immediately, she regretted them. What if he chose the latter?
“What are you saying? Have you really thought all this time that what we have is only physical?”
Harold stared at her for a long moment, then threw the question back at her.
I didn’t think it was just that, she thought, but still…
She couldn’t say they were truly lovers, either. From the start, their positions had never allowed for a proper relationship like other noblewomen might have. She hadn’t dared to expect such a thing.
“Really?”
Seeing the doubt flicker in her eyes, Harold frowned. He realized something was off, but couldn’t find the right words fast enough.
“There’s never been a single moment I wasn’t sincere with you. I’m long past the age for childish flings. I only delayed confessing — because I wanted to be ready, to propose to you properly. I never imagined you’d be feeling uncertain all this time.”
So that’s why he always drew that invisible line, she thought.
Now she understood. Whenever the future came up, he’d dodge the question — not because he didn’t care, but because he was planning for something he couldn’t yet say.
The more his feelings grew, the harder it became to hide his fear. He’d felt it especially whenever she’d call him “Your Highness” instead of by name — unless she was making a formal request.
Perhaps his own uncertainty had shown in his behavior too. In his heart, he’d treated her as his lover for a long time — but as crown prince, he couldn’t marry on feelings alone. Unless Letina somehow obtained the name of Deneuve, her current status was too low for him to wed her officially.
“Did I really seem like I didn’t love you?” Harold murmured, pulling her into his arms again. “You’re the one person I could give everything to and never regret it. What’s mine is yours.”
He held her tightly. It was all his fault. When he’d seen the news about his potential bride, he should have gone to Letina first — explained everything — instead of to the empress.
He hadn’t realized how deeply the woman he loved was trembling with anxiety. To think he’d prided himself on protecting her — how pathetic.
He was terrified. Terrified that if she lost faith in him… Letina might leave.
