IOWYC Chapter 47

Chapter 47 

Holding my travel bag, I climbed into a carriage and hesitated for a moment.

“Madam, where are you headed?”

I had intentionally walked a long way from the estate before hailing a carriage.
Thankfully, the coachman seemed to think I was just a noble lady going on a trip.

After a moment of thought, I calmly answered.

“To Hillston, please.”

Hillston was a small and quiet village near the capital, far from the Valdormer territory.
It was also a place where I had stayed during many of my regressions in the past.

The coachman nodded without asking any questions and started the carriage.

As the Valdormer estate disappeared in the distance, I stared at it without emotion and looked down at my travel bag.

I couldn’t return to the Heister family like this.
Even if I did, no one would welcome me. They’d probably just tie me up and hand me over to Valdormer.

I had left the estate partly on impulse, but at the same time, I had a clear thought:
This life was going even worse than my first one.

Of course it was.

In my first life, I was a fool who loved even Kallion’s cold gaze and indifference.

There was no way I, who now hated him, could ever get along with him.

I had underestimated myself.

I thought I could just quietly live like a doll, get Denian from him, and that would be enough.

But I hadn’t realized how hard that would be…

Staring blankly out the window, I found myself thinking:

‘Should I just die…?’

I’d return again anyway.

Should I just die now and start over?

Would I be able to endure Kallion better next time?

Or would I give up on Denian and choose that hellish life again?

I didn’t have the confidence either way.

“Madam?”

Startled, I lifted my head and realized the coachman had been calling me.

“We’ve arrived in Hillston.”

It was a four-hour ride, but it had passed quickly while I was lost in thought.

I handed the coachman a gold coin from my purse and got out of the carriage.

The coachman, thrilled, bit into the coin several times to check if it was real and cheerfully helped me unload my bag.

“Have a good trip!”

With a hearty smile, he drove off happily.

I watched him for a moment before turning to look around the town.

Though it was a small village, it was near the capital and nicely kept—charming and peaceful.

It was the same village I had fled to after my first regression.

To the north was Silverstel, and south past the capital was Marcelino.
Over the eastern mountains was Heister, and to the west lay Valdormer.

Because of its central location near the capital, it was also a hub for merchants.

I lifted my travel bag and walked with practiced steps.

Rather than a grand inn, I entered an old, worn-down one tucked into a side alley.

“Welcome!”

A familiar voice greeted me.

It was old Mr. Hengston, the innkeeper.

Of course, he wouldn’t recognize me in this life…

Still, I smiled brightly, happy to see him.

“Do you have any vacancies?”

He looked puzzled at my cheerful smile and replied hesitantly.

“As you can see, this place is quite old. We have plenty of rooms, but I’m not sure any would be good enough for you, Madam…”

He glanced at my fine clothing, clearly unsure.

I gave a gentle smile.

“As long as I can sleep there, it’s enough.”

He scratched his head awkwardly, taken aback by my unusually friendly demeanor.

“Well… in that case, follow me.”

After dropping off my things in the room, I stepped back outside.

This was the village I lived in after my first regression—
And Mr. Hengston, the gruff but kind innkeeper, had been a neighbor.

Around the corner of this inn was my small hideaway.
It was old and shabby, but it was where I had once tried to start a hopeful new life.

Unlike the me from my eleventh and final regression, who swore to get Denian at all costs,
the version of me from the first regression still had dreams.

A dream of meeting a simple man in this village, living quietly, growing a garden, sewing and selling embroidery, having children—
a warm, ordinary life.

Of course, in the end, that dream turned out to be nothing more than a dream…

Before I knew it, my feet had taken me to the small house I once called home.

When I saw the familiar shape of the house, my heart began to pound.

And just as I approached—

“Kyaahaha!”

A baby’s bright laughter rang out.

A familiar man stepped out of the small house, holding a child in his arms.

He was the ordinary man I had married in my first regression.

Kind and good-natured, though now his face was barely a memory to me.

Smiling widely, he lifted the baby up like an airplane, and the child giggled with joy.

“…Ah.”

A rush of emotion hit me.

Relief? Bitterness? Emptiness? Betrayal?

No… more like relief.

So you’re happy without me.

You had a child.

I’m glad. You used to worry so much that you couldn’t have children…

I’m glad. You look happy.

I’m glad…

But despite that relief, a deep emptiness filled me.

I didn’t miss our marriage.

I couldn’t even clearly remember his face or name.

But seeing him laugh—only now that I was gone—
Seeing him become a complete man, a father, only without me—

It made me feel strange.

Like I didn’t belong anywhere.

“Hans! Dinner’s ready, bring the baby in!”

A warm-looking woman called from the window.

Hans walked up and kissed her forehead gently.

They looked perfect together.

The baby giggled and kissed the woman’s cheek in return.

They looked truly happy.

They looked… beautiful.

Drip—

Suddenly, tears fell from my eyes.

Only then did I realize I was crying. I reached up to touch my wet cheeks.

Why was I crying?

What did these tears mean?

Even I didn’t know anymore. My emotions had become so dull.

Just then—

“Yuliana…”

A familiar voice called out to me.

Gentle, full of concern.

Slowly, I turned toward the voice.

There he was—Lloyd de Silverstel.

The man who had been my husband in my eleventh and final life.

“How did you…?”

Still shocked, I asked.

He gave a bitter smile.

“The trading company I’m working with is passing through this village. I stopped by and saw you here.”

He smiled warmly.

“Lucky, right?”

***

I walked through the familiar town, trying hard not to look at Lloyd.

I didn’t want to lean on him—not now, not when I was feeling so weak.

Like Hans, maybe Lloyd would also only be happy without me.

That’s what I believe now.

“I held back from writing to you because I thought you’d hate it. So seeing you here… I was just so happy.”

Unlike his cheerful words, I kept my gaze ahead and walked without emotion.

Then, as if making up my mind, I sighed and looked him in the eye.

“You said you’re here for business, right?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Then don’t worry about me. Go do your work.”

I turned to walk away, but he quickly stepped in front of me.

I frowned slightly and looked at him.

He smiled charmingly.

“Where are you going? Let me walk you.”

Avoiding his eyes, I spoke coldly.

“There’s a Valdormer carriage nearby. I’m going back to the Valdormer estate.”

It was a lie.

I just wanted to keep my distance from him, and that was the easiest excuse.

He seemed to sense my discomfort and stepped back with a bitter smile.

“I see…”

I ignored his expression and bowed my head slightly.

“It was nice seeing you again, Lloyd de Silverstel. Goodbye.”

Without looking back, I walked into the crowd.

I planned to disappear into the busy streets, so he wouldn’t follow me.

After walking for a long time, I finally glanced behind me.
He wasn’t following.

Relieved, I headed slowly back to the inn.

I felt completely drained, dragging my feet.

As I approached, I saw the faint light from the inn.

But then, under the inn’s light, I spotted a familiar man standing there.

“Is this the Valdormer estate?”