Chapter 03
“What is this? Why are you placing my spoon for me when I’m eating? The attendants can do that. And why the water glass too…?”
Kindness made me uncomfortable.
I had never been kind to anyone—not in this life, not in any of my past ones.
I could barely take care of myself, so I never understood why I had to be kind to others. As long as we didn’t bother each other, wasn’t that enough?
The more I read Lord Shubelta’s romance guidebook, the more annoyed my expression became.
‘No, stay focused. Treat this like a mission. Deep breath…’
I shook my head to regain focus and buried my nose back in the book.
Three days ago, I had clumsily made Axion cry. Now that he was away at his estate, I planned to prepare everything perfectly.
‘This time, I’ll get it right.’
Maybe there’s no such thing as “success” in being kind—but to me, there was.
“If I may say so… I don’t see what makes Young Lord Dolan worth all this effort.”
“Hm?”
“Your Highness is doing too much for someone like him.”
“Ah.”
I was so focused that I answered Mileta a beat too late and shook my head.
I had completely forgotten about that name. Now that I heard it again, I felt awful.
‘Well, what can I do? That’s also part of my past mistakes…’
With a long sigh, I closed the book. The “Young Lord Dolan” Mileta mentioned was Maksim Dolan.
Of course, it had to be now of all times that he returned.
‘If I was going to come back in time, I wish it had been to the day I first met him…’
Around this time in the past, I had blatantly cheated on Axion—right in front of his eyes—with Maksim Dolan.
I don’t know what came over me back then, but there was a time when I wanted to date someone completely opposite from Axion. And that’s how I ended up meeting Maksim. Not exactly fond memories.
I frowned and muttered, “No.”
“If it’s not, then…”
It wasn’t clear whether I meant it wasn’t an effort, or that it wasn’t about Maksim. But since Mileta was probably just as confused by my recent behavior, I didn’t explain any further.
Leaving her puzzled, I opened the book again.
Everything in it felt difficult.
‘It’s my first time being a kind lover, after all.’
Before long, my head started to ache.
****
“Ahem.”
“Sorry I’m late.”
Axion rarely traveled to his estate. Though it was far up north, he was still the head of House Dierik. He was supposed to check on his territory at least twice a year.
‘If only I hadn’t caused all that drama…’
There was no point regretting it now. Back then, I’d always picked fights with him whenever he came back from a trip, even if it was a quick visit that didn’t take a full day.
I firmly believed that as long as I didn’t send him to the execution platform later, nothing else would matter. So I did whatever I pleased.
Today would’ve been just another one of those days—if it weren’t for everything I now knew.
I glanced at Axion, who looked like someone about to face punishment.
‘Just be gently kind… not too much…’
“Do you know what time it is?”
“Two minutes past four o’clock, exactly.”
“…Ahem.”
Always so precise. But time wasn’t really the point.
I slowly sat up from the couch where I’d been lounging.
He must’ve come straight here without stopping at the guest hall, because he looked slightly rushed.
His usually perfect shirt had a few buttons undone, and his dark green cape was a little messy.
He was still gripping one of his black leather gloves in his hand, as if he had taken them off in a hurry.
The veins on the back of his hand stood out sharply. I found myself staring at them before quickly snapping out of it.
“Does this mean you didn’t miss me even a little?”
“…Of course not.”
“You think everything goes your way? You’re staying two extra minutes today and having tea with me. Got it?”
The only reason he came to the palace was to have tea with me. I didn’t fulfill any of my duties as a fiancée, but for appearances’ sake, I still used the engagement as an excuse to call him over.
Did we enjoy pleasant tea times? Not even close. When he came, I’d scold him. When he didn’t, I accused him of not missing me.
“Give me that.”
Without waiting for his answer, I grabbed the glove from his hand. I tossed it aside and took out a new pair of gloves from the side table.
“Are you trying to tell the world your fiancée never gives you gifts? From now on, wear these instead.”
“……”
I roughly helped him put on the dark brown leather gloves. They were shorter and stopped at the wrist, but seemed a little tight—maybe because I misjudged the thickness of his fingers.
‘They fit the attendants just fine… Must be because he’s used to holding a sword.’
Even though they were a bit snug, the open wrist style made them look cleaner, and they’d be easier to put on and take off.
“…Is this a gift?”
His question made my fingers freeze.
‘That’s a trap! If I say yes, he might cry again!’
Remembering the past, I quickly shook my head.
“A gift? Why would I give you something like that? Just because we’re engaged, don’t get cocky.”
I cringed at my own words.
“Cocky”? If anyone deserved to boast, it was him.
‘They say engaged couples have every right to claim ownership of each other.’
Lord Shubelta, the author of 32 Ways to Be the Perfect Lover, called it the “shackles of love.”
Shackles of love meant both people held the keys but willingly locked themselves together anyway—like saying, Oops! I guess I’m yours now.
I couldn’t believe I once read things like that without flinching.
Even after what I said, Axion just stared at the gloves on his hands.
‘Is he about to cry again…?’
Last time, he looked at a scarf I gave him and suddenly got teary-eyed.
“You…”
“It doesn’t matter. If it’s from you, I’ll treasure it.”
“……”
Just as I was about to ask if he was crying again, he spoke with a steady voice.
For a moment, his words overlapped with those from the past.
“If it’s from Your Highness, I’ll take anything.”
He had said that before, too. Axion was always kind to me.
He was the kind of man who would gladly accept even a sword from me—if I handed it to him.
Back then, I hated that about him.
He didn’t even know me. We hadn’t known each other long.
That’s why I kept pushing him, trying to find the limits of his kindness.
But no matter what I did, he accepted it.
“I’ll help strengthen Your Highness’s position.”
He said that too, once.
Maksim Dolan had a sweet face—but underneath, he was cunning.
“The people already think Dierik is a demon. If you punish him, you’ll win them over.”
Axion’s powers were well-known.
Once every few generations, House Dierik produced someone with the same ability as the first Dierik. In this era, Axion was the one.
His power was to transform parts of his body. People called it a demon’s gift.
Wherever his power manifested, black, obsidian-like scales would appear. That was all it took for people to start calling him a demon.
Despite everything he did to help the Empire with those powers…
It was too easy for me to twist his good deeds into signs of rebellion.
It’s not like I trusted Maksim’s plan. I just—
‘You say you love me? Then protect me no matter what.’
I just wanted to test Axion’s reaction. I thought, This time, he’ll say no.
It wasn’t something kindness could fix.
It was about the survival of his entire family—even his beloved sister.
In the end, I realized I never really knew Axion.
“I’ll help solidify your power.”
“You only have to say the word.”
He climbed the execution platform on his own.
He left me with one final message—to take care of Cheryl.
“So don’t cry.”
At first, I told myself I didn’t kill him. He went up there on his own.
But I soon realized—I had been killing him slowly all along. In the end, he just walked the last few steps himself. But I had dragged him there.
“Huuuh…”
“…Your Highness?”
Suddenly, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. A few days ago, I made Axion cry. And now I was the one crying in front of him.
“Are you crying right now?”
“Hic… sob…”
I had never cried in front of him before.
I didn’t have time to think about how shocked or confused he must be. The tears just kept coming.
“I-I… I…”
“Jen, look at me.”
“I… Huuu… Ahh…”
I cried so much I forgot how to form proper words.
Axion threw off the gloves I had given him and gently cupped my cheeks. His big hands brushed away my tears—but my soaked skin ended up wetting his fingers.
It was only after he died that I realized…
It wasn’t that I didn’t believe his love. I was just scared it might change.
