ILTDAMH | CHAPTER 23

Chapter 23

“No matter what you look like, my lady, you are always lovely and adorable.”

“Ruan, what is all this?”

After waking past ten o’clock, Mercian entered the dining hall, her swollen cheek drawing sharp scolding from Charles and Clea as she applied ice compresses.

Her eyes widened in surprise at the sheer amount of food laid before her, about one and a half times her usual portion.

She looked at Ruan and asked,
“I heard you skipped dinner last night. No wonder you felt lighter when I carried you yesterday. So I asked for extra to be prepared.”

Is this what counts as “extra”?

Mercian stared in disbelief at the overflowing plates.

And yet… does this man not mind that I’m on the heavier side?

Or is it because I’m leaving soon that he simply doesn’t care how fat I am?

Curiosity suddenly got the better of her.

“Ruan, I’m asking seriously—don’t you dislike my figure when you see it?”

Ruan fixed her with a serious gaze and answered thoughtfully,
“Why would I dislike any part of your figure, my lady?”

“No, Ruan, don’t joke. Honestly, I’m a bit plumper than most noble ladies. And, well, my sister’s so thin it makes it worse by comparison. Most of the young ladies and noble-born servants gossip about us, saying I’m foolish for eating so much. They even pressure me to lose weight like my sister.”

She thought back to the people who used to tease her as a child.

Luciane and Penelope had been the worst.

Ruan’s eyes held quiet sincerity as he said,
“My lady, I think you look best just as you are now. I don’t know who spread such nonsense, but those people clearly don’t understand you. From where I stand, you simply enjoy cooking and eating. I know because you share your food with everyone in the duke’s estate. You even brought some to my aunt.”

“How… how do you know that?”

Mercian blinked, surprised.

Ruan smiled warmly, gazing at her with tenderness.

“To me, no matter how you look, you are always lovely and cute. So please don’t think otherwise.”

“No, that can’t be true. You say I’m lovely and cute?”

“Of course. Do you know how beautiful you look when you eat? How much joy do I feel dining with you? So please, don’t worry about such things. Even if you roll around like a pig, I don’t care. So just relax and enjoy your meal, my lady.”

It was the first time anyone had looked at her with such warmth and told her her current self was good enough.

That it was okay to eat to her heart’s content as long as she stayed healthy.

That she wasn’t foolish or a pig.

Why did he have to be the one to say it?

She hadn’t wanted to hear that from him.

She had wanted him to treat her with scorn, like the others.

So she could cut him off.

So she wouldn’t give him her heart.

So she could shut that door forever, the way her own family had done.

But now, hearing these words, she was at once overwhelmed with happiness and crushed by the bitter truth—that she must never love him or give him her heart.

***

December had quietly arrived.

The House of Canoluf was bustling with preparations for winter.

Though snow rarely fell in Omankurut, temperatures dropped below freezing, so large castles like theirs meticulously sealed all window frames to keep out the biting wind.

They also kept the hearths alive with magical powder that burned endlessly, warming the entire estate.

“Milady, have you decided on the year-end home party?”

Charles’s question as he gently brushed her hair brought Mercian back to the present.

“Home party? Oh, right… it’s already time for that…”

In the Omankurut Empire, every year at the close of the year, families gathered to celebrate a healthy and safe year past, to wish for good fortune in the year ahead, and to enjoy food and festivities together.

Apart from the harvest festival in autumn, this was the grandest party held by noble households or ordinary families alike, eagerly awaited by all.

But for Mercian, home parties had always been bitter memories.

While her father was alive, they had been modest but joyful times filled with good food and laughter.

After his tragic accident, however, the viscount’s fortunes declined, and hosting such gatherings became impossible.

Mother must be doing well, right?

It had been a month since the tea gathering when she left the duke’s estate, and not once had there been any news of her.

Perhaps, deep down, Mercian didn’t want to hear anything at all.

Still, she had bought newspapers from time to time, scanning each one to see if there was any mention of Luciene or the crown prince.

But no matter how closely she looked, there was nothing.

That meant one of two things: either Luciene had given up on the crown prince, or—as Mercian had suspected—the crown prince had abandoned Luciene because she had failed to bring him any proof.

Luciene wouldn’t simply give up, so it had to be that the crown prince discarded her as useless without any evidence.

He must be blaming me now, but later, he’ll see that my choice was the right one.

Though, of course, there was no way he could know that.

Mercian silently prayed that the next four months would pass quietly and without incident.

***

Bang!

“What are you saying? Harmon’s not only alive, but he recovered half a month faster than the two months you told His Majesty! And you mean to say that a twenty-two-year-old boy who can barely wield a sword properly evaded death for a whole month? Is that even believable?”

“Your Highness, it seems impossible to kill him. We’ve tried several times, but the duke has assigned more than ten knights to guard Prince Harmon before he leaves the territory… ugh!”

Hook struggled violently, clutching at the arm of Damon as he suddenly grabbed his throat.

“Hook, what on earth are you doing? I told you that time and again to kill that damn Harmon, but you said it wasn’t the right moment. Now you say you can’t touch him? Listen carefully—the duke has less than four months left to live. If that bastard dies, killing Harmon won’t be difficult. But I don’t have the patience to wait four months. We need to find his weakness. So here’s the deal, Hook—you’ve got a job to do.”

“Gag… Your Highness… please… speak.”

Damon smiled thinly as he looked at Hook, whose face had turned deathly pale, struggling for breath.

“Bring me that woman.”

“Th-that woman, Your Highness?”

“Yes, that woman the duke keeps hidden deep within his castle. The one who rejected my offer and severed ties with her family to side with a dying duke.”

“Your Highness, I advise against touching the duchess.”

“Relax, Hook. I don’t plan to do anything just yet. I’m simply curious. When I saw her at the wedding, she didn’t seem very charming… so I want to see just how well the duke treats her, that she dares to refuse the crown prince’s proposal. Honestly, I wanted to meet that foolish viscount’s woman the moment I heard her ridiculous excuses, but I figured the duke wouldn’t stand for it and have been waiting until now. With Harmon back in the capital, all attention will be on him. He’ll think I’m trying to kill Harmon, so when the duke is focused on Harmon, it’ll be easy to snatch that woman away. Find out when she leaves the viscount’s estate and tell me.”

“…Yes, Your Highness.”

Grabbing his throat, Hook crawled out of the crown prince’s palace on all fours.

***

“Ruan, do you happen to have any appointments at the end of this month?”

Mercian, who had lately stopped speaking during meals and only ate quietly, asked suddenly.

Ruan paused, lost in thought for a moment before answering.

“If you mean the very end of the month, I suppose I’ll be at the palace. Is something happening?”

“Oh… you’ll be working again? You haven’t been well lately. Don’t you think you should take a break?”

Since that day, Mercian had been avoiding Ruan as much as possible, determined not to let herself grow attached again. 

But every time they met, she couldn’t help but worry about how thin and worn he looked.

“Milady, are you truly worried about me?”

Unconsciously, Ruan smiled a little, moved by her worry.

“What? Well… your complexion has worsened, and you keep losing weight. Even my aunt was very worried the last time she saw you.”

“Then what about you? Aren’t you worried about me?”

Of course I am. 

It would be strange not to worry when you’re visibly wasting away like this.

But worrying won’t make your health improve.

There’s no need to stir up feelings between us unnecessarily.

When Ruan asked, Mercian met his gaze calmly.

“Yes, I am worried, of course. Even if it’s just a contract, I am still Ruan’s wife now. I didn’t realise poisoning could make someone lose so much weight… Honestly, I’m afraid you’ll be nothing but skin and bones one day.”

Afraid, huh?

Is that why you avoid me like this?

Because you’re afraid of who I’ve turned into?

Ruan quietly watched Mercian’s face as she spoke, her words heavy with unspoken emotions.