IITYVA 44

Chapter 44

I opened my eyes wide at the unexpected words.

“Here?”

Harnen nodded as he brought the teacup to his lips.

“There’s just too much to worry about if you stay at the Grand Duke’s estate. You can’t be there officially as a guest, so you’d have to sneak around. Even going out would be inconvenient.”

Well… that was true.

As if he’d peeked into my thoughts, Harnen smiled after taking a sip of tea.

“It’s not as big as the Grand Duke’s estate, but this place is fairly spacious too. It’s on the second floor, and until the capital’s real estate restrictions are lifted, it’s not a bad place to stay.”

He was right. Staying at Harnen’s place as a guest would be much more comfortable in many ways.

I’d have a guest room all to myself, and since most people knew how close Harnen and I were, staying at his house wouldn’t become as hot a topic as if I were living at the Serenia Grand Duke’s estate.

But without much thought, I shook my head.

“No, it’s fine. I can’t get in the way of your marriage prospects.”

A man and a woman of age living together under one roof?

Of course, Harnen and I were just friends, but the nobles who loved gossip would definitely talk.

They’d say there must be something going on between us.

Even if I could brush it off, I couldn’t stand the idea of my favorite person being misunderstood.

At my refusal, the smile that had been plastered on Harnen’s face all along cracked a little.

“…Then, Eynra,”

After a short silence, Harnen slowly spoke.

“Aren’t you worried about the Grand Duke’s marriage prospects?”

“…What?”

I dumbly echoed back.

Not once—not once—had I ever thought about it.

‘…Huh? Why haven’t I ever thought about it?’

My heart started pounding out of rhythm.

I felt like I had to say something—anything.

Before I could even form a proper thought, the words spilled out of my mouth.

“O-Of course I’m worried! But Akes is under a curse right now. I’m only staying there because I can protect him for the time being!”

“…”

“Right, and he’s been having nightmares, but if I help him fall asleep, he says he’s fine…”

My voice, which had been pouring out, began to fade.

The more I talked, the more something started to feel… off.

There were plenty of people who could protect Akes without me.

The Serenia Grand Duchy alone had five knight orders under it.

And Akes was a full-grown adult.

Helping an adult fall asleep every night because of nightmares? Wasn’t that more strange?

“…”

I shut my mouth.

All those elaborate reasons I’d just listed were nothing more than excuses.

There was no unavoidable reason.

‘This is just… I just want to be near Akes.’

“…Ah.”

Once I realized that, everything became clear.

Why it was so terrifying to see Akes avoid me. Why I so badly wanted to change the heart of someone who didn’t want to be around me.

Why I stumbled over my words every time I stood in front of him. Why I was so furious with Millen for kidnapping him.

Why it hurt so much when Akes was in pain.

There was only one reason.

Because I had feelings for Akes—romantic ones.

…It was such a simple reason.

“…”

My face burned with embarrassment beyond words.

I buried my face in my hands.

Since when? When had it started?

‘At first, he really was just like a little brother.’

That’s why I cared for him. Treasured him.

I thought that was all there was to it.

I’d never once imagined that I would come to see Akes in a different light.

When had I started liking him that way?

‘Even though I was so giddy and nervous around him…’

Why was I only realizing this now?

“…”

The sunlight fell softly across the kitchen as a heavy silence filled the space.

At the edge of that silence, I slowly opened my mouth.

“…Sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

When I looked up, Harnen was staring at me with an unusually serious face.

I opened my mouth wordlessly before finally managing a voice.

“Earlier… I gave you such a forced excuse. That wasn’t it. The truth is, I…”

I like Akes. That’s why I want to be with him.

Just as I was about to finish the sentence, my throat suddenly closed up, as if something blocked it.

I slowly reached up to my neck.

A memory flashed through my mind—a cringe-worthy one.

‘…I like you. A lot. Really.’

That time, when Akes confessed to me.

‘S-Sorry!’

I’d run away without even looking back and hurt him.

And now I was saying I liked him?

‘…How pathetic.’

That was already five years ago.

Back then, Akes had only been sixteen. Even if he was being kind to me now, there was no way to know if he still felt the same way.

We’d only just recently cleared up the misunderstanding and managed to laugh together again.

I was satisfied with just that. I didn’t want to confess my feelings and risk making things awkward between us—not even a little.

“…It’s nothing.”

So I chose silence.

I didn’t want anyone to know.

“It’s just… because I want to.”

Harnen didn’t press me further.

He just smiled faintly and said,

“I see.”

“…”

“Alright.”

Hearing him accept it so easily made me feel relieved.

The realization of my own feelings was overwhelming enough—I had no room to think about anything else.

That’s why I didn’t notice it.

That the smile Harnen was wearing was different from usual.

Tea time ended without fanfare.

I said goodbye to Harnen and quickly rode Hisha back to the Grand Duke’s estate.

Maybe it was because I’d just realized my feelings.

I missed Akes—no, As—so terribly.

When I opened the window and entered the bedroom, no one was there.

My heart felt strangely unsettled, so I quickly went looking for him.

Disguised in a layer of air like the Silavis, I ran through the estate.

My nerves were so on edge, my brain wasn’t working right.

I opened every door I saw without hesitation, repeating hope and disappointment over and over.

Where was he? Just where?

Where did I have to go to see you?

After searching through the estate for what felt like ages…

“Eynra?”

As was in the office.

It was located near the bedroom but structured in such a roundabout way that it took me a while to find.

With his wavy hair tied up neatly, As had been going through documents when he turned wide-eyed at my sudden appearance.

“…As.”

I felt like I might cry.

As my face crumpled, As jumped from his seat and hurried toward me, flustered.

“Eynra, did something—”

Thud.

I dropped to my knees and hugged his small frame as he approached.

The small body in my arms stiffened.

“…Eynra?”

He called my name.

I hugged him tighter and answered,

“Yeah, As.”

“…Did something happen?”

His soft voice asked gently.

I gave a faint smile and shook my head.

“No, it’s just…”

“…”

“I just… suddenly missed you.”

As didn’t say anything.

I was relieved not to hear a “Why?”

Because I’m a terrible liar—if he’d asked that, I would’ve had no choice but to reveal my heart to him.

“…”

After a moment of silence, he clutched at my clothes.

His small forehead slowly rested against my shoulder.

“It feels like I got a surprise gift.”

“…”

“I don’t remember doing anything good though.”

His words made me chuckle.

I stroked his hair and replied,

“You’re getting it just because you’re cute.”

“…I’m cute?”

“Yeah, really cute.”

I swallowed the rest of the words—so much that it hurts.

As’s ears turned red as he buried his face into my shoulder.

Holding his small body close, I thought to myself—

This is enough for me.

I just want to stay like this forever.

…It didn’t take long for me to realize how laughable that wish was.