chapter 11
****
I was sick in bed for four whole days.
Now and then, I would wake up just a little, feeling someone—sometimes the doctor, sometimes the maids, and sometimes even Venus—gently wiping my forehead with a wet cloth. I wasn’t in much pain, but my whole body felt heavy and weak. Every time I blinked, the sky outside the window turned from dark to light and back again.
“Miss! Are you alright?”
“She’s awake!”
On the fifth night, I finally managed to sit up. My body still felt limp, but I could walk on my own now. The doctors said I just needed a day or two more of rest. The maids helped me bathe in water soaked with medicinal herbs.
“It’s alright, miss. The holy sword takes a lot of strength to handle, and since it was your first time, it drained even more energy from you. You were already weak to begin with, so it caused you to cough up blood, but—”
“I’m not… scared of coughing up blood… It’s not the first time… I’ve done it before….”
“Oh, miss….”
“Please don’t say things like that….”
They all looked so sad that I felt a bit awkward.
‘I just meant it used to happen when I was little…’
It was raining outside. I swallowed the medicine the doctors gave me. They had said the medicine was changed recently, and now, every time I take it, I get very sleepy.
“So… sleepy…”
“Get some rest, miss.”
I enjoyed the soft feel of the fresh pajamas the maids had dressed me in, lay down on the bed—and then got back up again. I walked over to the window where the rain was falling, placing my hand on the cold glass. I had felt chilly even this morning, but now I was a little warm. It really did feel like I’d be fully better in a day or two.
Then it happened.
As I looked outside, I frowned slightly.
‘Did I… see that wrong?’
Through barely open eyes, I watched the shadow slowly become clearer. When I realized who was standing out in the rain, my eyes widened.
I jumped up immediately and rushed out of the room. One of the maids sitting outside was startled.
“Miss? Where are you going? Take an umbrella!”
She quickly handed me a small umbrella, and I burst through the door.
“Schultz…?”
Schleuz was standing there, completely soaked.
“Why… were you just going to leave… like that?”
I hurried to hold the umbrella over him. When I grabbed his hand, I couldn’t say a word. His hand was so cold—far too cold. And his face, now that I saw it up close, looked pale like a wax figure.
“How long… have you been standing here…?”
He didn’t answer. A strange, uneasy feeling twisted in my chest.
“You haven’t been… out here for days, right…?”
“……”
“Did you… stay up all night? All this time…?”
He didn’t reply—but he didn’t deny it either.
“Why? Why would you do that…? You know the knights all recognize you… You could have just… told someone and come inside. What if you got sick… from standing here in the cold rain? Why… would you just… stand here like this…!”
He hadn’t done anything wrong, but I couldn’t stop my voice from shaking with emotion. I had been unconscious for four days—so that meant he had been standing outside all that time. It was early spring, and the rain made it even colder. Kids sometimes died from pneumonia just by being in weather like this. And on top of that, he couldn’t even see—how did he get here?
There were so many things I wanted to say, so many questions I wanted to ask, but I was out of breath. Even so, seeing his trembling eyes hurt my heart in ways I couldn’t explain. The only sound was the rain falling around us in the night.
Finally, slowly, Schleuz opened his mouth to speak.
“I’m sorry.”
“……”
“If it wasn’t for me… you wouldn’t be this hurt.”
I felt like a shadow had fallen deep inside my chest. Tears were falling from Schleuz’s eyes. He had always been praised as a great hero, someone who had never once broken down. Had he ever cried in front of someone before?
Seeing the sorrow on his young face took my breath away, like someone who had been running too hard.
“I…”
He couldn’t finish his sentence. I didn’t know what words he swallowed back. I couldn’t read minds. But strangely, the hand I was holding the umbrella with slowly lost its strength. Whatever he had meant to say, I felt like I had to answer—right now.
“No.”
The umbrella fell to the ground. I hugged the young Schleuz tightly around the shoulders. Raindrops kept falling, running down my cheeks like cracks.
You were born to be happy.
I promise. You were truly born to be happy.
“None of this… is your fault…”
“……”
“Don’t say things like that… Schleuz…”
I looked at his tear-streaked face. Those eyes could no longer see anything. No matter how brightly I smiled, no matter how much I tried to show him I was okay, he wouldn’t be able to see it at all. The weight of such a tragic reality filled me up to my throat, making it hard to breathe.
“…Schleuz.”
I held his face in my hands and gently kissed his cold lips.
****
On the day the girl was carried away by the knights, Schleuz couldn’t sleep at all.
Her voice, when she had asked him if he was okay, had been steady like always. She was just slow when she spoke. Her voice was clearer than anyone he’d ever heard. But that was all she said. Then, she collapsed in his arms—completely cold.
It felt like his heart stopped.
When he was five years old, his father left home, and Schleuz’s mother began to waste away. Her eyes were still sharp, her beauty still striking, but her hands and arms had grown thin like bare winter branches.
Then, one day, his father brought another woman into their home. His once-proud mother didn’t eat for an entire week after that. She stopped eating completely and sat silently in the inner quarters with cold, glassy eyes—like a stuffed doll.
Only after hearing from the servants that the other woman had been sent to a separate building did his mother finally speak, telling them to bring her food. She stood up, still queenly like a figure in a painting, but she couldn’t take a single step. She collapsed right into young Schleuz’s arms.
He was too small to catch her properly. He fell with her, holding her thin body. Her body had no warmth.
After that, Schleuz never saw his mother again. His father claimed he wasn’t really his son and sent him off to the far borders of the land.
Schleuz didn’t sleep a wink.
No matter how much he wiped his face, he felt like it was still stained with blood.
His body was cold as ice.
Just like his mother when she collapsed.
Could someone so weak really survive?
Before he knew it, Schleuz had walked to where the girl was staying. His heart raced more than a hundred times, but his vision was blurry.
He couldn’t bring himself to go any closer, so he just wandered around the outside of the house. The knights he passed by were still kind to him. They told him the young lady was getting better. When he asked when she would wake up, they would vaguely say, “Soon, probably.”
They treasured her deeply.
Even Schleuz, who couldn’t see well, could feel that. And honestly, he couldn’t blame them. The girl, though she spoke slowly and seemed a little unwell, was the kindest person he had ever met.
He didn’t think he’d ever meet someone so kind again.
Schleuz had realized that the girl had stood up as his guardian just to chase those bullies away.
“Oh dear… Ever since those criminals were here, no monsters had shown up, but now, with our poor little lady around…”
“She suffered for no reason… Even got her hair cut off…”
So it was true.
What the chief had said was right.
Schleuz saw the girl run out with an umbrella. He could barely make out her silhouette. Even that was hard to see, and he couldn’t make out any colors. He didn’t know the color of her hair, or her eyes. He saw nothing.
“You haven’t been… standing out here for days… right?”
“……”
“Did you… stay up all night? All this time…?”
“……”
“Why? Why did you do that…? Everyone knows your face… You could’ve said something and come in. What if you caught a cold…? Why would you just stand out here like an idiot…!”
It was a rainy night. Schleuz desperately wanted to see the face of the girl scolding him. At the same time, it felt like someone was choking him. He couldn’t speak at all. He wanted to ask if she was okay, if her throat was alright after coughing up blood.
He had so many things he wanted to say—but the words that came out were completely different.
“I’m sorry.”
“…….”
“If it wasn’t for me… you wouldn’t be this hurt…”
His eyes, which could barely see, were filled with tears. He had never cried in front of others. Weakness was something to hide. He had to survive in this place, get strong, and take back his family name. His mother had always told him he wasn’t an illegitimate child, that his power would awaken someday, no matter how late, and had clung to him fiercely.
So then… Why? Why couldn’t he control his heart?
Schleuz didn’t know.
