Chapter 7. A Desperate Wish
“…I was just envious of Lady Shenil.”
El’s words echoed through the prison cell. Although Terban didn’t fully understand her answer, he recognized that she wasn’t denying it. So he asked again, to be certain.
“Then you’re admitting you did all of it?”
As she had already resolved, El was ready to bring this all to an end—this situation, and her feelings. She lifted her slightly bowed head and looked Terban straight in the eyes.
“Yes, I did it.”
Strangely, El’s expression seemed solemn, almost noble, like a knight heading off to war—completely at odds with the grim situation.
Her gaze never wavered from Terban’s, and he met her eyes just the same. In this moment, facing Terban, only one thought filled El’s mind:
She wanted to take in his face one last time before her time ran out.
But perhaps because of the darkness, or the short distance between them, she couldn’t decipher what Terban’s eyes were trying to say.
Disappointment? Contempt? Betrayal? No matter how hard she tried, nothing comforting came to mind.
“All that… for something so trivial?”
I expected this reaction, but it still hurts more than I thought.
His cold tone and unflinching gaze cut into her like a blade, but El managed to steady herself.
Still, maybe because she believed this would be their final moment—or perhaps because she knew she had no more chances—she couldn’t suppress the surge of emotion at one word in his sentence.
“Please don’t call it ‘trivial.’ It may be trivial to Your Majesty, but to me… it wasn’t.”
Terban couldn’t argue. El looked so desperate, and somehow, unbearably sorrowful.
Before she could say more, that familiar pain struck again. Terban was still right in front of her. But this time, the pain was different—more explosive, as if her body would burst.
El leaned against the wall, trying to mask the agony, and whispered inwardly with all her might:
Just a little longer. Please… just until His Majesty leaves.
Unaware of her condition, Terban finally revealed his true feelings. Despite all the evidence, he had desperately hoped she wasn’t the culprit.
“Tomorrow, in front of everyone, say you didn’t do it. Say it was all a misunderstanding. If you do that, I’ll find a way to spare your life. If you want to live… then do it.”
Even through the overwhelming pain, El focused on Terban’s voice. And she couldn’t help but question his intentions.
“Why… are you giving me this chance? I tried to harm Lady Shenil. And yet, Your Majesty came all the way here just to say this to me?”
“That’s because…”
For the first time, Terban was at a loss for words. Even he didn’t know the reason.
If anyone else had threatened Shenil, he would’ve ordered their execution without hesitation. But with El… he couldn’t.
All he could say was:
“You were my knight. For a long time.”
“I see.”
So to Your Majesty, I’m still—and will always be—just your knight.
El replied with bitter irony and barely held herself upright. Still locking eyes with Terban, she answered.
“No. I will say the same thing tomorrow. And… cough…”
Her words were cut off by a harsh cough, and Terban was so shocked by the sight before him that he couldn’t speak.
“El, you…”
Blood poured from her mouth, staining her lips and hands.
She had begged her body to hold on just a little longer—but death was already looming, indifferent to her pleas.
Another cough of blood. Her eyes slowly closed as she collapsed to the ground.
Terban rushed to her, shouting for the guards. When they saw the scene inside, they quickly unlocked the cell with the key they carried.
Terban hurried inside and lifted El into his arms.
“El. El!”
Whether she heard his desperate call or not, El’s eyes fluttered open—but her breath was weak, fading fast.
“What is this…?”
“Y-Your Majesty…”
“Call the royal physician! Now!”
As Terban tried to rise, El gripped his sleeve with what little strength she had. That frail touch stopped him. She was still trying to look him in the eyes.
Her heartbeat was slowing. She could feel it. This really was the end.
Perhaps that gave her the courage—she lifted her bloodstained hand and gently placed it on Terban’s cheek, studying his face with fading eyes.
Memories of their time together flashed through her mind.
Fighting the pull of unconsciousness, she managed to speak to him—one last time, just for him.
“Your Majesty… sometimes, what we see is not always the whole truth.”
“What are you…”
“In your memories… please forget me. Everything—from the beginning, until now.”
From the moment she realized her fate… no, from the moment she allowed the name “Terban” into her heart… El had made one desperate wish:
If I am given another life, please don’t let me meet him again. If we must meet… let us pass by as strangers. Let him never recognize me.
That was the one truth El had hidden deep inside her heart. If there was a next life, she didn’t want to suffer like this again.
She didn’t want to love him again.
And those words were also a promise to herself.
From this moment on, she would let go of these feelings. She would never again hold his name in her heart.
As she finished her last words, strength drained from her body. Her hand fell from his cheek. Her eyes closed.
Terban shook her body, trying to wake her. But unlike before, her eyes never opened again. He couldn’t even feel the faintest breath.
“El? El!”
He shouted her name in desperation. His heart pounded like never before.
Then, without hesitation, he scooped her up and ran out of the prison, leaving the stunned guards behind.
El’s body was growing colder with each passing second, and a deep sense of dread gripped Terban.
He carried her to the royal physician’s chamber—and by chance, Wontil was there.
Wontil started to bow in greeting but stopped when he saw the blood-soaked El in Terban’s arms.
“Your Majesty, what happened—?!”
“Check her immediately. She suddenly collapsed, coughing blood.”
Terban laid her on a bed, and Wontil rushed to examine her. But just as Terban feared, El had already stopped breathing.
Wontil, who knew the truth, hesitated to speak it. But looking at El’s peaceful expression—like someone dreaming a pleasant dream—he made up his mind and bowed to Terban.
I’ll grant your final wish. So don’t suffer in your next life.
“She has already passed. It appears she took poison to end her life.”
“Suicide…?”
Terban barely held himself up at those words. His gaze shifted to El’s closed eyes.
She would never open them again.
It didn’t feel real. Just recently, she had been right beside him—and now, she was dead.
As he stared at her still face, memories from childhood to the present flooded his mind.
Her smile, her struggles, her sweat-drenched training, the way she protected him loyally—and the moment they first met.
The more he remembered, the tighter his chest became. He clutched at his collar, trying to breathe, but it only got worse.
Why does it hurt so much…?
“Your Majesty.”
Wontil called out in concern, but Terban turned his back on El and said:
“Have the royal physician handle El’s body.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
Then, without another word, Terban left—leaving El’s lifeless form behind. But his steps were unsteady, as if he had lost his way.
* * *
The next day, the news of El’s suicide spread quickly—and reached Shenil as well.
Shenil was so shocked she asked the maid again.
“She died? Took her own life?”
“Yes, my lady. So the trial scheduled for today has been canceled.”
Of course it has. The accused is dead.
Shenil left her room and headed to Terban’s palace. But he wasn’t there, despite it being morning. When she heard he hadn’t returned all night, a terrible thought crossed her mind.
She went straight to his office—and when she opened the door, she found him sitting there like a man who had lost his soul.
“Terban?”
No answer. Shenil approached him, and only then did Terban lift his head to look at her.
She reached out when she noticed the blood on his face—but Terban caught her hand before she could touch him. As if saying that no one was allowed to touch this.
Because this blood… was the final trace of El.
