~Chapter 34~
A calm question poured into my ear.
“He’s really sharp.”
Honestly, he has a surprisingly keen eye.
I rolled my eyes slightly, then opened my mouth.
“Yes.”
There was no real reason to hide the fact that I had once been in the knight order.
Especially since I’d just learned a secret Karl had been trying to keep hidden.
So, something like this was fair.
“The Imperial Knights.”
Being a Holy Knight still counted as part of the Imperial Knight Order.
I still thought Karl might not like it if I revealed that part.
“Only Holy Knights or priests dispatched from the capital possess purifying holy power.”
“It’s been a while since any arrived. And priests are few, and uncooperative.”
Karl clearly had some resentment toward the clergy, the Holy Knights, and even the temple itself.
Most people in Saint Portou probably felt the same.
We were just starting to get along…
I didn’t want to create distance by revealing that now.
Maybe after we got closer. When I felt sure that Karl wouldn’t bristle even if I told him, then I’d say it.
“I see.”
Karl’s reaction to my words was surprisingly calm.
“So that’s what you meant when you said you had a rough upbringing.”
“Something like that.”
The training to enter the knight order had been brutal.
And since I came from a military family—and my father didn’t cut me any slack just because I was his child—I went through hell several times over.
“No dinner unless you finish today’s drills!”
“Not even if dirt gets in my eye—argh!”
“Aha! Now you’re committed! Fail, and you starve!”
“That’s a dirty trick, throwing dirt in someone’s eyes!”
“Life is war!”
Most of the underhanded tricks I knew came from my father. I suddenly didn’t feel so guilty about having given him so much trouble.
Karl looked down at me as I reminisced and opened his mouth.
“But doesn’t the Imperial Knights have a physique requirement?”
Why did he know so much?
He wasn’t even part of the order—just a monster hunter.
I grumbled under my breath.
“…I barely made the cutoff. It’s already a sore spot, don’t rub it in.”
“And if I do?”
“…What, are you going to bite me or something?”
Karl slowly rolled his eyes.
Wait. That expression was ominous.
“If Elaine bites me…”
“…”
“May I bite you in return?”
Why did he look like he wanted me to bite him?
And now he was inching closer.
Feeling a sense of danger, I quickly responded.
“Hold on. Keep your distance.”
“I’m just trying to make it easier for you to bite me.”
“Forget it. You’re planning to bite me instead, aren’t you?”
Why wasn’t he denying it? That smile of his wasn’t helping my nerves either.
I pushed Karl’s face away and changed the subject.
“Anyway, yes—I did serve.”
“…”
“Not anymore, though.”
Karl glanced at the hand that had touched his cheek as if reading the calluses through his glove.
His gaze was oddly intense. I pulled my hand back, and a sharp comment flew my way again.
“…I’ve heard that female knights go through more rigorous screenings.”
How did he know that?
Had he studied the Imperial Knight Order or something?
I tensed, feeling like I was being interrogated.
Karl let out a knowing chuckle and nodded slightly.
“To have made it through all that, you must’ve been quite capable.”
“…”
It felt nice to be acknowledged.
But honestly…
“It was a trick.”
“A trick?”
Only after saying it did I realize: Wasn’t I revealing too much?
He only shared that he could use magic, and I was spilling everything.
But really, it wasn’t a huge secret anymore.
What power does a revealed secret still hold?
It was just part of my past. Maybe not even that—more like a dark chapter.
I awkwardly opened my mouth.
“I cross-dressed as a man.”
And that alone got me through the paperwork without a hitch.
Of course, if they’d known I was a woman, the Holy Knights would’ve never accepted me.
It was a sacred, male-only institution. Mixed genders were considered impure.
That’s why when I showed up in a dress, they couldn’t even speak properly.
“Your case started a whole debate over whether women should be allowed in the Holy Knights.”
I remembered what Reina told me before I left.
“The high priests were outraged. There’s even talk of a religious trial.”
“Good. I’m heading to Saint Portou anyway.”
“Elaine…”
“To avoid a trial, I’m better off going. You know that, Reina.”
Reina had been in tears, and I’d worked so hard to comfort her.
Looking back now…
It really was a big deal.
A religious trial. Just thinking about it made my head hurt. For the first time, I was glad I’d come here.
And yet, after saying it out loud, it felt oddly trivial.
I found myself chuckling at the absurdity.
“Yes, I’m actually a crossdressing woman, and the Elaine Pascal you know isn’t the real one.”
I’d spent so long agonizing over this one line.
And it had been so easy to say.
Karl stared at my smiling face like he was about to analyze it piece by piece.
Then he continued.
“Even so…”
“Even so?”
“You don’t exactly seem… masculine.”
What did he take me for?!
I wanted to scream, but honestly, he wasn’t wrong.
Judging by the feedback I’d received…
I wasn’t manly enough. I was small, so people assumed everything else was small too…
My father used to get angry every time he heard that.
And he’d try to warn me gently to act more masculine.
But that wasn’t necessary.
“There’s something that trumps all of that.”
“What is it?”
“People’s assumption that I had to be a man.”
If you want to call it bias or preconceived notions—sure.
Just like my father used to say…
With a short wig, trousers, acting tough, drinking with men, and shooting guns—I was never once suspected of being a woman.
Even though I was pretty lax about maintaining the disguise.
Especially during my adult years, when I was flooded with marriage proposals…
Back then, I was dealing with serious identity confusion.
There were definitely times I thought, “Oh, I must’ve been found out.”
Like walking around in an indoor dress, only to bump into a maid who didn’t know I was a woman.
Or getting caught without my wig by a fellow knight.
“You like dressing as a woman? I had no idea…”
“Elaine, are you wearing a wig? Why?”
But that was as far as their reactions went.
The fact that no one ever figured it out just made the scandal worse when it came to light.
Seriously—why didn’t they catch on sooner?
I thought of the Elaine Pascal in the original story, who died and was buried as a man.
Such is the ridiculous power of assumptions.
“Anyway, that’s how it happened.”
I concluded, trying to shake off the weight of it all. But Karl asked another question.
“Why did you cross-dress?”
“Huh?”
“You came here as a bride. Clearly, you didn’t intend to keep it up forever.”
“…”
“Was there a specific reason you had to do it?”
Fair question—for someone who didn’t know the original plot’s forced trajectory.
“Well…”
But I couldn’t just tell a Duke’s subordinate that I was cursed.
That’d just make me look like a defective bride.
So I decided to dodge the truth, like I had with the Holy Knight story.
“A passing prophet once told me I’d be more fortunate if I grew up as a man.”
Not a lie.
Getting taken by a demon can be interpreted as a life of misfortune.
Karl responded plainly.
“Just for that reason?”
“Yeah.”
Yeah… just for that.
Living in discomfort, lying to everyone.
Letting one stranger’s words shape my entire life.
It was ridiculous.
Maybe that’s why Karl’s honest reaction didn’t bother me. If anything, it felt liberating.
It really wasn’t a big deal, was it?
“It’s foolish, right?”
“…”
“Letting one sentence dictate your whole life.”
I was trying to end the conversation with a smile.
But then—
“I don’t think it’s foolish.”
“…”
“Sometimes, there are things outside our control.”
“Even if that one sentence made me deceive everyone?”
“Aren’t the people you’re trying to save the same?”
“…”
“They’ve been cast out for generations—just because they’re said to have lost the dragon’s blessing.”
I wasn’t sure they were quite like me, but…
Hearing that strangely comforted me.
As I stood there speechless, Karl paused and then added:
“The Duke, too… isn’t he the same?”
…All of a sudden?
