“Goddamn it! Die! Just fucking die!”
My poor blanket was getting thoroughly abused. It hadn’t actually done anything wrong, but hitting myself seemed even more pathetic.
Fucking booze. That bastard liquor.
I’d drunk myself stupid plenty of times before without ever humiliating myself like that. So why the hell is this pathetic little body of mine such a lightweight that one sip could trigger that kind of disaster?
To make it worse, maybe because I’m still young, my memory is annoyingly sharp. I remembered every goddamn detail without a single skip.
‘You’re, you’re such a baaad bastard. Hey, asshole! Get your shit together! You’re worse than any unorthodox scum… Want to go to hell? You even know what hell is, huh?’
Yeah. Hell. Fuck that. This is hell.
Has my brain gone soft from lounging around in this floral paradise called the Moyong Clan? What the hell was I thinking, pulling that stunt? Boasting about my tolerance and then getting wasted on a single sip, ranting at Dang Iheon like a lunatic. How ridiculous must I have looked?
The worst part? The whole reason I’d gone to see Dang Iheon—utterly pointless. I’d achieved exactly nothing.
If I keep getting swept along like this, I’ll probably end up with a husband I never signed up for.
Sure, I could close my eyes, marry Dang Iheon, and walk out of here that way. But you think an orthodox clan would let me stroll out without all the ceremonial nonsense? Even if we started today, it’d take over a year.
And by then? The unorthodox bastards would be storming in six months from now, and I’d be swept up in Moyong Clan’s annihilation.
No. Tonight, I’m settling this for good. Wash your neck, Dang Iheon.
I flung the abused blanket aside and sprang up.
Yesterday’s disgrace was yesterday’s problem. Today I had shit to do. Especially since yesterday’s training had gotten derailed by pure idiocy—I was definitely showing up today.
I called for Hyangah with grim determination. She showed up soon with a basin of wash water and some honey water. For some reason, she was giving me a really weird look.
I was pretty sure I hadn’t made a drunken fool of myself in front of Hyangah. So why was she looking at me like that?
“Hey. Did I… do something to you yesterday?”
“Do something? What… oh— My lady! Don’t tell me, with Young Master Dang…!”
Hyangah slapped both hands over her mouth so hard her eyes almost popped out. I didn’t know exactly what she was imagining, but I sighed and decided to come clean.
“Yesterday, I overestimated my tolerance and made a bit of a spectacle. Dang Iheon—I mean, Young Hero Dang—I, uh…”
“You did what?”
I could hear her swallow. Loudly.
“Scolded him. Very harshly.”
“…Ah.”
Just like that, Hyangah returned to her usual composure. Actually, she seemed almost bored. Was she hoping for something else, or worried? Honestly, I’d probably never fully understand Hyangah, not even on the day I finally escaped the Moyong Clan.
“So… how did I even get back here yesterday?”
“You don’t remember that either? You were so utterly smashed! And you don’t even like drinking—why did you do that?”
“…Yeah. Let’s just call your nagging right now the price I pay for scolding Dang Iheon. It was really good wine. I just… had to try it. Then I toppled over.”
It felt awkward admitting that, so I drowned the embarrassment by gulping down the honey water. Sweet. Delicious. Hyangah let out a sigh so deep it might’ve cracked the floor.
“It’s lucky Sahyeon happened to hear you were drunk and came to get you! Otherwise, who knows what would’ve happened. Yesterday Young Master Dang carried you part of the way, then Sahyeon took over and brought you here.”
I promptly spat the honey water back out in a neat little waterfall. Hyangah pulled out a cloth and wiped my chin with faint disgust.
“Right. You’re technically still unmarried—having an outside man carry you on his back is a bit shocking.”
That wasn’t the problem! Sahyeon carried me? That bastard saw all of that?
“Why—why did Sahyeon have to be the one to carry me? Could’ve just let Dang Iheon finish the damn job!”
I accidentally snapped, and Hyangah narrowed her eyes like a suspicious fish.
“Really? That’s what you say in this situation? You wanted to stay on Young Master Dang’s back all the way? You’re unbelievable, my lady.”
“That’s not what I—!”
God. It’s Sahyeon that’s the problem! The shit he’s going to tease me with after this—I could die from embarrassment.
I clutched my chest and thumped it hard. Hyangah just watched, thoroughly unimpressed.
“Anyway, wash your face. If you’re late to training, Elder Moyong Jegeom will throw a fit.”
“…Yeah. Fine. But step outside a minute. I’ve got urgent business.”
“Yes, my lady.”
She bowed and closed the door with a crisp thud.
I quietly picked up the blanket I’d thrown earlier. Crushed it in my fists and let out a silent scream. Goddamn it! I should’ve just died in the river! Why the fuck did I survive?!
Eventually, I managed to calm down, smoothed out my expression, and stepped outside.
“I’m off.”
Hyangah, trailing behind, warned me.
“Yes, my lady. And please… don’t go getting drunk by accident again.”
“…Yeah.”
***
Thankfully, by the time I reached the Choje Pavilion, my mind was mostly settled. A past humiliation had nothing to do with today’s training. And I wasn’t even hungover.
More importantly, my master, Moyong Jegeom, had the sort of presence that made everyone around him sober up.
“Have you made your decision?”
He peered down at me. Of course he’d ask.
I took a deep breath and shook my head honestly.
I hadn’t fully decided. Once I did, there’d be no turning back. Just like in my past life.
But my thoughts weren’t tangled anymore. Today, I’d figure it out and finally take a step forward.
“Master. I have something to ask.”
“Ask.”
“Did you see potential in me?”
Moyong Jegeom—my master—looked faintly surprised. I didn’t look away, staring straight at him. Whatever came out of his mouth would be my compass.
His white-bearded mouth finally moved.
“I did not.”
Ah. Wow. That’s… harsh.
Kinda hurt, actually.
Then he added,
“But I saw your heart. Your desire to grow strong.”
“…Ah.”
“If there had been bloodlust at the bottom of that desire, I would never have taken you as my disciple. But what I saw seemed more like… someone desperately wanting to protect something.”
“…Me?”
Probably my own life, right? That’s all I had to protect.
“You already know the answer. Look where your heart leads. That’s where your potential lies.”
If I’d lived longer before, maybe I’d understand all of this completely.
Sadly, I’d died young, and now I was in an even younger body. So I couldn’t grasp it all… but—
“I’ve decided.”
It was enough to drop all lingering hesitation and finally commit.
My potential wasn’t locked inside me—it lay wherever I chose to set my sights. No matter which direction I went, there’d be a path.
I’d been given a chance to live differently this time. I’d take the broad road, the one that let me become even stronger. If it felt slow, I’d just walk harder.
“Please help me build a firm foundation and grow as strong as I can, Master.”
At that, the lines of my master’s old face softened into a rare smile.
When I finished training, Sahyeon was waiting outside the Choje Pavilion.
“Shall I, ah, escort you to your chambers?”
“For now.”
He nodded, playing the clueless servant. Well, there were still people around. So we kept our distance and walked slowly.
Then Sahyeon leaned in just a little and spoke in a low voice.
“How’s your body feeling?”
“What?”
“The hangover.”
Goddamn it. I’d forgotten all about that, too busy with training. Would’ve been nice to forget it forever.
When I stiffened, he tilted his head back ever so slightly, mouth curving up in a shit-eating grin.
“Seems you’re a bit of a lightweight, my lady.”
“…Shut up.”
“Clung so tight to my back, whining all cutely…”
“I said shut it!”
I snapped without meaning to, and Sahyeon jerked back dramatically, shoulders scrunching up like he was terrified. Looking around, I realized people had stopped to stare.
This slippery bastard.
“It’s nothing. Move along, all of you. Shoo!”
I waved my hands. The onlookers scattered in a hurry. Sahyeon snuck me a sidelong smirk, then started walking again.
Goddamn it. There goes any chance of carefree drinking in this life. I’ll just have to be satisfied with what I downed in my last life. I’d rather die than repeat that humiliation.
And honestly? Being drunk didn’t even feel that good. Having to trust my body to someone else—no thanks.
Then, out of nowhere, Sahyeon asked,
“So? Did you figure out that thing you were agonizing over?”
“What?”
“Yesterday. The little dilemma you shared with me. I was kind enough to listen and give you an answer.”
Technically true. But why did it make my gut twist? I frowned and gave a stiff nod. His words had helped. A little. Just a tiny bit.
“Wow. So that’s thanks to me, right?”
“That’s not it.”
“Why not? You asked me, and now it’s sorted.”
“It’s barely a thread’s worth.”
If he tried to milk this for more, I’d murder him.
“A thread’s worth still counts. So in return, why don’t you tell me who you really are? I promise not to tell a soul. Hm?”
“Get lost.”
What kind of insane trade is that? Answer a couple of vague questions, then demand I hand over my secrets? That’s like returning a dropped bundle and then asking for my life.
If we’re being reasonable, usually that kind of help just gets you—
“…Thanks.”
Some thanks.
Sahyeon stopped babbling and stared at me, eyes wide.
“What?”
“Thanks is thanks. Your words helped. You’re more levelheaded and kind than I expected. But I can’t answer your question. It’s not a fair price.”
He seemed to drift off into thought, just staring at me. Ha. Probably trying to crunch the math in that slow brain of his. Good luck. Tsk.
I snatched my wooden sword right out of his hands. Only then did he come back to himself, letting out a small “Ah.”
By then, we’d reached my rooms.
“Go handle your business. Oh, and before dinner—I’ll be using that spot from yesterday. Try not to come by.”
With that, I turned away. When I glanced back, he was watching me with an expression I couldn’t quite read. Better slip inside before he remembered how to tease.
***
Tonight, Moyong Wi and Lady Eon were out. Something about discussing marriage prospects for the Young Master, with the Paeng Clan in Hebei or whatever. Hyangah told me, but honestly, I hadn’t paid attention.
Come to think of it, Moyong Wi and Lady Eon seemed to have a pretty solid marriage. Most men with his reputation would be stacking up secondary wives by now, but it was just Lady Eon here. No kids from other women either. And they were always together.
No schemes. No blood feuds. Just… annoyingly happy. Honestly, their family love was so strong it was a little exhausting.
Anyway, dinner tonight would just be me and those three idiots. I twirled my wooden sword, heading that way with a light heart.
Then, near the training yard, I heard something weird.
“Didn’t I tell you? How do you expect to block like that?”
“Ugh, b-but…”
“It dares argue? You insolent little shit.”
Thwack! Thwack!
Sounded like someone was getting seriously worked over, complete with groans. Not exactly shocking for an unorthodox clan. But here? In the Moyong Clan? That was unexpected.
Worse—there was something familiar about the voice of the kid getting wailed on. Curiosity got the better of me, so I changed course to take a look.
And sure enough, I knew the kid. Couldn’t be more than ten, barely reached my chest. He’d begged me by the pond once to dunk him again, which was why his voice was familiar.
The one beating him, though—I’d never seen that guy. At best he was around Moyong Cheon or Moyong Ha’s age. What was he doing manhandling such a little kid?
“I take the time to oversee your training, and this is how you repay me? With no focus?”
It was obviously an excuse to vent his frustration. What a piece of work. Even here, there were worthless bastards.
I almost shook my head and walked on. Then the kid’s eyes met mine. Big and teary. Oh, come on.
“I guess I’ll have to really teach you a lesson today.”
Wait. That wasn’t a lesson before?
The huge guy was practically dripping malice. Meanwhile, the kid—who now had a bloody nose to match—hung from his fist like a ragdoll. I could only sigh.
This was so annoying.
I needed to get to the Moyong Clan kitchens. I was starving.
But the way that kid looked at me made it hard to keep walking.
It reminded me too much of being small myself, getting “taught manners” by the neighborhood thugs who thought it was their duty to beat me up every time they saw me.
Might as well handle this quickly and go. Before my five-spice pork got cold.
I strode straight into the training yard and chose the fastest, simplest solution.
Whack!
I smashed the unknown bastard square on the back of the head.
Ahh. That impact. Fucking satisfying.
