HDBMTD 40

Chapter 40

Nocturne’s eyes widened. His breath faltered like someone who had just been struck unexpectedly.

“…Now, of all times.”

His voice came out broken, heavy as if dragged up from the depths. He asked me in a low tone:

“Why are you talking like that?”

All I had done was tell him I wasn’t Ariadna, yet his reaction was as though I had gravely insulted him. The sharp look in his eyes and the hard line of his jaw revealed his emotions clearly.

He must be confused. Hurt, even.

Nocturne had called me “Ariadna” because, for a moment, he wanted to believe that the person standing in front of him might really be her. He must have been hit by the harsh reality after that fleeting hope.

If I answered him now with the same warmth I used to, it would only drive him mad. He would want so desperately to believe I was Ariadna. That’s exactly why Padva had insisted I was her all along.

So I had to say it like this:

“Because it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“…It doesn’t matter?”

“Yes. This isn’t the palace, and the prince isn’t here. There’s no point in keeping up this cheap act any longer. It’s not like you ever believed it anyway.”

“…….”

“We were both laughing at this farce, weren’t we? Everyone already knew I wasn’t Ariadna. What was the point? It’s not like I was playing a joke.”

I smiled softly at him. My hand trembled slightly as I spoke so smoothly.

It was a lie.

I had never been acting. I had acted the way I did because I truly believed I was Ariadna.

But Nocturne misunderstood, thinking it had all been a performance. And I had no desire to correct him.

Let him think I’m just a cunning fraud from Cambiata who stole Ariadna’s body and pretended to be her.

It was a clean conclusion. Not entirely wrong.

I didn’t want to confuse him by explaining how I remembered almost nothing from when I was Cambiata.

Even if I stirred his sympathy, it wouldn’t change my true nature. It was better for Nocturne to feel nothing for me but hatred.

Sure enough, his expression twisted with disgust.

“Quite bold, aren’t you.”

“…….”

“We’ll see if you can keep that attitude when you’re being interrogated.”

At the chill in his voice, my body instinctively tensed.

I’m a little scared…

I had never understood why Tita always insisted Nocturne was more like a dangerous beast than a loyal dog, but now… I finally understood her feelings.

I doubted he would torture me, but… if he did, I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. Still, I hated pain.

Nocturne’s face hardened as he stepped closer, like he no longer had any need for conversation.

I wanted to show him that I would follow without resistance, so I tried to stand up quickly. But my legs wouldn’t cooperate.

They weren’t injured—it was the mental shock.

Finding out I had been Cambiata, the enemy I had always despised, was an unexpected blow. My mind was clear, but my body couldn’t escape the lingering tension and fear.

“Uh… um…”

As I struggled on the floor, Nocturne reached his hand out to me. I noticed blood stains near the joints of his knuckles.

He brushed aside the coat Willow had draped over me and, without hesitation, lifted me into his arms.

“Huuh… N-Nocturne?”

His name slipped out of my mouth in surprise. The flashlight I had propped up on the ground fell over, scattering its beam.

Suddenly, the room was darker, and I couldn’t see his expression.

Why is he doing this? He hated even touching me before.

But soon I understood.

Nocturne was a man who had once pretended to be in love with me, all for the sake of revenge. Carrying me was nothing to him.

To him, I wasn’t human. I was simply “something”—a talking piece of evidence, useful only for punishing those who had defiled Ariadna. And when that evidence couldn’t walk, it was natural for him to carry it himself.

“Hold on, unless you want to fall.”

But I couldn’t do what he asked.

Unfortunately, I had feelings.

Because of those feelings, I felt like I might throw up.

When Nocturne lifted me, the first thing I felt was relief.

Only then did I realize how afraid I had been.

The tightness in my body eased, and my heart began to beat wildly. I could hear the sound of his heart near my ear, feel his warmth seep into me.

I could have easily wrapped my arms around his neck or held onto his shoulder to steady myself. It didn’t feel strange or awkward at all.

But that familiarity felt all the more alien.

I clenched my hands together and lowered my head, as if in prayer.

I could feel Nocturne’s gaze on the top of my head, but there was nothing else I could do.

I didn’t even know what I was struggling with anymore. I just wanted this moment to pass quickly.

For a long time, only Nocturne’s footsteps echoed steadily. Then, the cold night wind brushed my cheek. I finally raised my head.

Before I could even process the fear and desolation I’d felt inside the research facility, we were already past the exit. The moon, hidden by the building, now shone above Nocturne’s head.

I squinted slightly. The moonlight wrapped around his silhouette like a brilliant halo.

And in that instant, I realized what I still had left.

And that realization brought deep despair.

I despaired because I still had eyes to see.

Even the lowest creature craves the sun.

“I want him.”

I loved him.

Sometimes, who you love feels more important than who you are.

Maybe I only thought this because my identity was so uncertain now.

My desire felt both shameful and unbearably sad.

This love wasn’t truly mine.

It was only a remnant left behind by Ariadna’s memories.

For now, like Ariadna once had, I only wished for his happiness…

But will I still feel the same way when time passes?

If all of Vis’s—my—memories returned, I would no longer be the same person.

I was afraid that I might eventually destroy everything Ariadna had once cherished with my own hands.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Sensing my gaze, Nocturne looked down at me. His black eyes glimmered like the moonlit sea.

I shook my head, clutching the pouch where the vial of poison was hidden.

I could still choose my own end.

So when the time came…

I wanted to remain as “something that loved you so dearly.”