CHAPTER 14
Maximilian was gentlemanly toward women, sometimes even acting like a caring older brother. When a woman became sulky, he would skillfully coax her like a cute youngest sibling. He was sociable and popular—this was the Maximilian I had known. Skilled at dealing with women and confident because of it.
“Helis is really interesting. Even though I told you I’m from the Veloce family, you didn’t seem to care. That’s what I like even more.”
As we walked through the streets, he kept handing me things. To be exact, he was buying everything I stared at out of curiosity. Maybe now, out of desperation, he was trying to overwhelm me with sheer generosity, but I wasn’t interested in any of it. I tried a bite of the pink cotton candy he gave me, but it tasted bland, like flavorless water. Disappointed, I handed it back to him. Lydia had said it was sweet and melted in your mouth.
“Don’t like sweets?”
“Just not in the mood.”
I replied while staring at his neck. It was slender and deer-like for a man. I had the absurd thought that it would taste sweeter to sink my teeth into that neck than to eat the cotton candy. I imagined blood pulsing through the veins, flowing vividly. The thought of that rich, red liquid made my throat ache with thirst.
“Helis. Helis.”
I snapped back to my senses at Maximilian’s voice. Startled, I looked up and saw his face closer than expected. I lowered my head to hide my expression, which must have looked repulsed. After calming myself, I looked up again to find him averting his gaze, his ears slightly red. Only much later did I realize how outrageous my expression must’ve been.
“Your expression just now was a little… dangerous.”
He murmured. I didn’t know who he thought was dangerous, but from where I stood, it was definitely him. I clenched my teeth, aware of how close I’d come to doing something terrible in public. At least I hadn’t lunged at him like an animal to bite his neck. That was thanks to the blood Rupian had given me earlier. I finally understood why he emphasized regular feeding. If I had been hungry, I would’ve bitten him for sure.
While I remained silent, Maximilian tried to keep the conversation going. But every topic he brought up felt like stepping on a landmine.
“So, where do you live?”
“I don’t really know. I just live. I usually stay at home.”
“What? Then how’d you end up out here?”
“Just… intuition?”
“…You’re kind of… really out there, huh.”
“…”
“I remember thinking you looked like a lost child when I first saw you. Turns out you really were lost.”
He smiled shyly.
“But it suits you—your dreamy way of speaking fits you so well I can’t even complain. You’re a really charming woman, Helis. I’m trying so hard to impress you because I fell for you at first sight.”
Dreamy way of speaking? Didn’t he call me an idiot just last year? My awkward way of speaking hadn’t changed, but his evaluation certainly had. I twisted my lips, ignoring his veiled confession. It was a clear sneer, yet he began chattering joyfully.
“So, who do you live with? Your parents?”
I didn’t want to mention Rupian.
“Just someone who picked me up.”
“Ah…”
He misunderstood and began pitying me. I didn’t bother correcting him—it was too much trouble.
“I have a ton of younger siblings—six of them. I worry about how they’re doing at the academy, but they never send me a single letter. Meanwhile, they send Lydia one every month. Betrayed, I tell you. Raising kids is pointless.”
“Lydia?”
“She’s my goddess. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I mean that literally. She’s someone so far above me that I can’t even dream of getting close.”
I clearly remembered how he had once made a ruckus at the brothel, shouting for his muse, his sun, his love. So what was this now? I narrowed my eyes and studied him. He waved his arms and began explaining himself.
“You’re really beautiful, Helis. So much that I can’t see anyone else right now.”
“Hmph.”
I snorted and walked past him. He was probably flustered behind me. A player like him never held onto relationships for long, and 100 out of 100 times, it was because of Lydia. He constantly praised her, and if anyone insulted her, he’d attack like a rabid dog.
Maximilian was the eldest son of the Veloce family. Raised as heir from infancy, he had always received attention and love. Among the five sons, he most resembled Lydia. Perhaps that was how they grew close—because people who are adored can recognize one another.
After circling the market, we returned to the plaza.
He held out his hand, bowing playfully like a nobleman, smiling. It was a charming smile, but my mind was elsewhere. Behind him, men and women were dancing in groups. It wasn’t the typical elegant ballroom dancing you see in novels. Every time the women spun, their dresses flared beautifully.
I knew nothing about dancing, especially not commoner dances. I stared, not at Maximilian’s hand, but at the dancers, entranced. Their movement wasn’t grand or graceful, but it was lively and captivating.
When I came here last year, I’d been driven out with stones before midnight, so I was seeing this scene for the first time. What kind of dance was this? They spun around the plaza’s fountain in a large circle. It was clear this wasn’t a performance, but a communal dance. The movements were simple, but they varied them just slightly and repeated over and over.
“Would you honor me with a dance, my lady?”
Maximilian spoke, trying to get my attention. I ignored him, still mesmerized by the dancers, and finally reached out my hand. That seemed to be enough for him—he took my hand and led me among the crowd.
The girls laughed brightly, their hands and feet bouncing cheerfully. Occasionally, droplets from the fountain caught the light and sparkled around them. What made them so happy? Could dancing really make someone shine like that? It was just spinning and moving limbs, after all.
“I can’t dance.”
I said, letting him pull me along. At this point, someone might ask what I could do. I had danced once before, maybe five years after Lydia first started visiting me. Back then, books were hard to come by. I convinced the bravest maid to sneak books from the study in exchange for jewels. Getting caught would’ve meant disaster, but she surprisingly helped for years.
I learned to read from those random books, with Lydia occasionally teaching me the basics. She only visited once a month, but she always talked to me without showing a hint of annoyance. It was mostly her rambling to herself, but even that was a lifeline to me. My father didn’t approve, but no one could stop the beloved daughter of House Cardiman.
One day at age twelve, I paused while reading and stared curiously at a word. Lydia looked at me with interest, read the sentence, then clapped and smiled.
“This means dancing. Holding hands and spinning.”
“Dancing?”
“Hmm, maybe you wouldn’t know.”
She stood up and began performing a dance she had just learned. Lydia at twelve was brimming with confidence. She excelled at everything and received endless praise. Her dance instructor said there were no other twelve-year-olds with such talent. Even to my untrained eyes, the graceful flow of her white, slender body was beautiful.
She laughed when she saw me staring blankly.
“Everyone reacts the same way.”
“Ah.”
“Am I that pretty?”
She winked and pulled me up. My legs wobbled like a newborn fawn’s. She grabbed my hands and spun me around. It wasn’t as graceful as before, but she looked so happy—smiling brightly like a child her age. I stumbled along awkwardly and saw the radiant girl shining like a star.
Like Maximilian’s eyes. Like their laughter.
Only then did I turn to look at Maximilian. Despite my cold responses and harsh words, his eyes still sparkled. Like leaves trembling gently against a bright sky. That green gaze—it was beautiful enough to make one forget to breathe. What does it take to have eyes like that? Even though he had left me to die without a second thought.
His green eyes curved into a smile.
“It’s okay if you can’t dance. Just move. How many of them do you think are actually good at it?”
He pointed to the dancers. As we approached, they made room and gestured for us to join. I had felt their eyes on me already. I always attracted attention—would always attract it—unless beauty standards completely changed. They wanted to dance with us, the ones with inhuman beauty.
They took our hands without hesitation, and the circle began spinning again.
The world spun. My feet tangled. I felt like a stiff wooden doll. Sweat trickled down my neck as I looked at Maximilian. He laughed while moving lightly.
“It’s kind of cute how bad you are at dancing.”
I stopped in my tracks.
I looked again at his shining eyes. I wanted to gouge them out. I wanted to kill all of them. They had stolen and destroyed everything from me, yet they sparkled so innocently. Just changing my appearance hadn’t changed anything. I was still the monster daughter.
My mind went blank. What tormented me most was the thought: What if I had been born this beautiful from the beginning? Could I say with confidence that I’d have been different? That I would’ve reached out to a monster like Lydia did?
It’s no one’s fault. It’s your fault for being born a monster.
Someone whispered within me.
It’s not their fault. Everyone rejects what’s different.
Under the star-strewn sky, with the fountain’s music, the humans spun and spun. I felt like vomiting. My stomach churned, and my throat tightened. Even when I stopped, the hands around me kept dragging me along. The time I once crushed stones with a single grip felt like a distant dream. Dragged along, I slowly closed my eyes.
Inescapable trauma, inferiority. Shackles of the past pulling me into a pit.
Something real surged from within. I couldn’t tell if it was sorrow for not belonging, hatred for them, or disgust at myself.
“Urgh!”
I broke free and ran.
