Chapter 4
The full moon lit up the surroundings brightly. Holding my breath, I approached the wall. Hiding behind a tree, I was thankfully out of sight.
‘It should be around here somewhere…’
Feeling along the wall overgrown with vines, my hand found a cracked gap.
‘Found it.’
It was the escape route I had memorized. The narrow crevice, just big enough for one adult to squeeze through, was hidden by thick vines—no one would notice. Thanks to that, I could escape easily.
I checked my surroundings and pushed aside the rustling vines. I threw my bag over the wall and then squeezed myself through.
“…Ugh.”
It was a tight fit, and my entire body got scraped. Still, after some wiggling, I managed to get out.
‘I finally made it.’
Letting out a deep sigh, I dusted off my clothes and brushed away the leaves. After covering the gap with vines again—
“Perfect.”
No one would know how I escaped. No one would bother searching for a mere maid who disappeared.
‘Is this the end, then?’
I slowly turned around. Moonlight poured over my body, almost as if it were congratulating me.
Running away was easier than I thought. So easy that it didn’t feel real.
Now, I wouldn’t have to die anymore. I had walked for only a few minutes and already escaped death.
‘I should’ve done this sooner.’
The child must’ve meant that much to me, enough to make me endure it all. I wouldn’t see him again, anyway. From now on, I’d live as a perfect extra—staying uninvolved, living as though I were dead.
That way, at the very least, I could enjoy normalcy.
Casting one last glance at the castle where the child would be, I picked up my bag. I didn’t know where I was going, but just getting away was enough.
I could find a place to live later. What mattered was that I had run away. I truly believed I was free now.
That is, until—
“…Huh?”
—until the world suddenly warped.
In disbelief, the strength left my hands. My bag fell to the ground with a thud. I forgot how to breathe, staring up at the sky.
From far away, the world shattered like glass. The moon broke apart. The sky cracked. It all happened so fast I couldn’t make sense of it.
‘My body…’
It wasn’t just the world. Instinctively, I looked down. My body, starting from my hair, was slowly disintegrating. Bits flaked off, vanishing into thin air.
I grabbed at my disappearing leg, but my hand passed through it.
Error detected.
A translucent screen suddenly flashed in front of my panicking eyes. Unlike the crumbling world around me, it was clean and vivid.
‘Error?’
It was the first time I’d seen a system window without a mirror. But this wasn’t the time to be impressed.
Risk Level: 65%
Another window appeared above it.
‘What the hell is going on?’
I couldn’t understand the situation. A risk level? All I’d done was run away. That hardly seemed dangerous. Yet the world was collapsing and I was vanishing.
My vision flickered. Weak with fear, my legs gave out.
‘There should be screaming…’
But the street was eerily silent, as if I were the only person in the world. Surely there were guards nearby. This was strange. I covered my mouth, expecting a scream to escape.
“Ah…”
My crumbling hand didn’t listen. The scattered debris caught the moonlight, sparkling as it disappeared. My body, turning to ash, scattered on the breeze.
A body vanishing in such an eerie way…
I couldn’t take any more.
Resolving error.
This wasn’t a reality I could accept. I shut my eyes, trying to block it out. I felt myself being sucked into endless darkness. The fading sensation was painfully vivid.
‘I’m scared.’
For the first time in my life, I felt a fear that eroded my thoughts. Worse than any death I had experienced.
Thankfully—or maybe not—that maddening sensation didn’t last long. The pounding in my chest slowly faded.
Resolution complete.
Strangely, I lost consciousness all at once.
It was a reality I never wanted to face again.
After going through something so absurd, I learned a truth.
I was an extra who couldn’t run away. Once that unwanted experience became familiar, I understood.
‘Every time I try to run, I end up dead.’
An unknown danger level appears, the world collapses, and I turn to ashes.
Then, I wake up again in the morning. Just like when the child kills me—I always wake up in my room.
‘It’s like that death never happened.’
Maybe because the child didn’t kill me, he didn’t recognize me as the same maid. I asked around, but no one else remembered what had happened. I was the only one who knew of that terror.
Why only I, an extra, could remember—I didn’t know. But one thing was clear.
‘I can’t escape.’
There was no way out of this cycle. All I could do was die. To keep dying, I had to keep living a meaningless life. Even knowing I’d die, I’d wake up again.
My hatred burned like a wildfire. But over time, that hatred faded into sorrow. And that sorrow turned to ash, leading me to resignation.
It took three years to reach that pile of ash. There was nothing left to burn. In that time, the child turned ten, and I kept reviving—dying and waking again.
“Why…?”
Why couldn’t I die? I resented my undying body. I hated the system that kept me alive.
Sure, I was growing numb to death. It was becoming routine. But now, the fact that this life wouldn’t end—that scared me.
I didn’t want to live, but I had to.
“How can I die?”
I stared at the sunlight spilling into my room, lost in thought. If it was certain the child would kill me, I just had to wait. Once he grew older, the role of a maid would fade, and I wouldn’t be needed anymore.
That is—if I could keep my sanity until then.
If I could endure that long, there was hope. But my mind was already nearing its limit. I wished I could become a doll. A maid who abused the protagonist, just like the system wanted.
I didn’t want to think anymore—I just wanted to be dragged along.
“But I shouldn’t…”
Why not? My instincts rejected it, but I didn’t understand why. Wouldn’t being a doll be easier in this state?
“…I don’t know.”
I must have forgotten the reason. At this rate, I might forget what should never be forgotten.
I was aware that all these repeated deaths were changing me. That’s why I also knew—I couldn’t go on like this much longer.
So—
“I need to die for real.”
I had to make the system kill me.
After all, the reason I kept coming back was the system. Otherwise, why would it kill me every time I tried to run?
‘That must mean it can kill me on its own, too.’
But it kept me alive because I was still useful.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
I had to create a reason for it to kill me.
‘Though I don’t know if such a reason exists.’
Blinking blankly at the air, I watched the sunlight stretch to my feet.
It lit up the dark room. Drawn to it, I reached out. My hand, once hidden in shadow, touched the sunbeam. Warm and comforting.
My eyes closed on their own. It was so peaceful I wished I could sleep forever.
Ah.
“…Maybe I should kill him.”
Touched by the sunlight, an idea suddenly popped into my head.
If I killed the male lead, wouldn’t the system kill me too? Of course the system would value him more than an extra. If I kept trying to kill him?
Wouldn’t it want to get rid of me—destroy me beyond reuse?
Thinking about it carefully, it seemed worth a try.
‘If I fail, I’ll just die anyway.’
I was used to dying now. Clenching my warmed hand, I organized my thoughts. Maybe it was the yellow hue of the light.
An unintentional idea had surfaced. I stood up stiffly.
Either way, it was a good thing. It was the first sign of hope I’d seen in a long time.
“Let’s kill him.”
I would kill the male lead—and then die too.
It was the only way I could die as ‘myself.’
Now that I had hope, it was time to act. I changed clothes and went to the child.
Same clothes, same appearance.
“You’re the new maid, right…?”
But to him, I was someone else. Even though I hadn’t changed, the child didn’t remember me.
“I’ll be serving you starting today.”
I bowed politely. I’d said this line so many times I could say it mechanically now. His bright yellow eyes trembled. Hesitating, the child lowered his head.
“Uh… um… please take care of me…”
He tugged at his sleeve nervously. That’s when I saw his wrist.
Again.
“Let’s start by treating your wounds.”
“O-okay… huh?”
Ignoring the startled child, I brought out the first-aid kit. When I examined his wrist, I found marks that looked like he’d been hit.
‘The culprit must be the duchess.’
The current duchess was the duke’s second wife. The duke, driven mad by grief over losing his first wife, had remarried a woman who looked just like her. A substitute to play doll games.
There was no way that duchess would like her predecessor’s child. Without children of her own, the male lead was nothing but an obstacle.
That’s why she constantly abused and attempted to assassinate him. The duke hated the child, too, blaming him for the death of his beloved first wife.
‘With the duke turning a blind eye, the abuse would only grow worse.’
In this castle, no one could shield the child.
All I could do… was treat his wounds.
