~Chapter 52~
I was briefly startled when I saw Ricardo standing in front of me.
Sure, Ricardo, you did say you’d wait for me.
But that didn’t mean you were going to chase me all the way to Dremokan, did it?
“…How did you get here?”
A thousand thoughts ran through my mind, but my eyes were drawn to his face—to the overwhelming look of relief that washed over it like a wave.
“Thank goodness…”
He muttered, covering his eyes with his hand, looking like he might collapse at any moment.
Not once had I ever thought that Ricardo was weak.
But right now, standing before me, he seemed so fragile.
Maybe that’s why the words slipped out before I could stop them.
“If this is about what happened at the palace, I’m fine.”
“…”
“You’re the one who looks hurt. You should get treatment first.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have said that last part.
Even though I knew it was an unnecessary concern, but I couldn’t help but worry about Ricardo standing there—so unlike his usual self.
He let out a faint, bitter laugh.
“Who’s the one saying that to whom right now…?”
So he wasn’t physically hurt. That’s a relief.
I hesitated for a moment, then asked,
“If that’s not the reason… did you have something to tell me?”
That must’ve been it. He didn’t deny it.
“…Why all of a sudden?”
I couldn’t guess what he wanted to say, and I gave up trying. What was the point now?
I let out a deep sigh and finally said what I’d been keeping to myself.
“I’ve been thinking a lot lately.”
“About what?”
“…About why you suddenly changed your attitude toward me.”
Ailins had told me—it was all because of Bianca’s wish.
“You only became interested because I suddenly changed, right?”
When I think about it, if someone hadn’t possessed Bianca’s body, you wouldn’t have fallen in love with her.
Which means… Ricardo fell in love with “someone.”
It didn’t necessarily have to be me.
Even if I tried to believe that I was the one chosen to be with him…
No.
‘It doesn’t really matter either way.’
I cut off my own thoughts and shrugged lightly.
“It’s just a passing interest. Like a child fascinated by a new toy—until they get bored.”
“Why are you describing yourself that way? I’ve never—”
“Isn’t that exactly what happened?”
I interrupted him, and the mood turned icy.
That wasn’t what I intended, so I tried to smile.
But Ricardo’s expression hardened, so maybe it backfired.
“If I really meant something to you, you would’ve cleared up the rumors about you and Idette long ago.”
“…”
“But instead, you just watched silently and claimed it was for my sake.”
I paused for breath.
“Was that really for me? Or was that just a convenient excuse to ease your own guilt?”
How can I accept something like kindness if I have never once felt it?
“I told myself over and over that I deserved this—that I was just paying for all the wrongs I did to you in the past.”
…Even though I never actually did anything.
“So when people criticized me, I tried to endure it.”
Even though that wasn’t the punishment I deserved.
“I kept brainwashing myself into thinking everything would end if we just broke off the engagement—!”
But now I learn it was all because of Bianca’s wish.
Just so she could win your love.
The moment her wish came true, not a single person was happy.
“But now… I can’t keep brainwashing myself anymore.”
Nothing about this felt okay anymore.
Not since I heard what Ailins said.
…No, maybe even before that.
I didn’t know when it started, but at some point, I began falling apart.
By the time I realized it, I was barely surviving, just dragging myself through each day.
Trying to understand, you should’ve come any second.
Taking care of myself should’ve come before understanding you.
The emotions I had been suppressing were about to explode.
Afraid I might expose everything to him, I hurried to control my expression.
Then Ricardo spoke, his voice cracked and trembling.
“…Is being with me painful for you?”
His jaw trembled.
“Have I… made you suffer…?”
“…”
“I never once wanted you to be hurt…”
I knew in my head that none of this was entirely Ricardo’s fault.
I understood that he must’ve been just as confused by the sudden change in Bianca.
But I was already at my limit.
I couldn’t think clearly anymore.
“Why now? If you’d made up your mind just a little earlier, I would’ve listened to what you had to say.”
I wanted to understand you.
If I’d heard it before Ailins told me everything, I would’ve believed you no matter what.
“…Would you really have?”
Ricardo clenched his fist and quietly stepped closer.
“Have you looked in a mirror lately?”
“…A mirror?”
“Do you know what kind of expression you wear when you look at the world?”
His face twisted with emotion.
“You look like someone with no attachments to this world. Like someone who’s about to disappear.”
“…!”
I was stunned. My eyes trembled, and he let out a bitter laugh.
“…So it’s true.”
There’s no way he could’ve noticed.
No, he shouldn’t have noticed.
Could someone else have realized it too?
Did my grandfather know…?
A wave of fear surged up, and I quickly pretended everything was fine.
“Where else would I go?”
“…I see.”
Ricardo’s voice was bitter.
The light that used to sparkle in his eyes was now completely gone.
That day in Dians now felt like nothing but a dream.
“Just answer me one thing.”
“…?”
“Did I make you unhappy?”
My heart sank with a loud thud.
For some reason, my heart dropped.
He looked so calm when he asked it—
But calling himself the source of my unhappiness made me feel like I couldn’t breathe.
…Unhappy?
The silence that followed stretched out like an eternity.
No words came out of my tightly clenched throat.
If I wanted to truly cut ties with Ricardo, I had to answer.
That’s what I’d always thought I wanted.
But…
It wasn’t like everything here had been terrible.
I couldn’t call every moment I spent with him “unhappy.”
So I had to deny it.
But at the same time, the painful memories came flooding back—and I found myself trapped in them again, especially the image of me crying alone in an isolated place.
“…You really are kind. Even to the end.”
Ricardo looked at me, struggling to smile.
“You once asked for my forgiveness.”
The letter I had sent him—apologizing.
He never replied.
“I had already forgiven you back then. So no, you weren’t paying for anything.”
The truth was, I had hated Ricardo for a time.
But I never wanted to hurt him like this.
“Everything that happened to you… that was all my fault.”
“…Is that what you came here to say?”
I barely managed to speak.
That’s not what I wanted to say at all.
“No. I came to ask you for your understanding.”
“…Liar.”
Ricardo flinched. His trembling eyes betrayed what his voice tried to hide.
“You said… you wanted me to hate you.”
“…So? Did you get what you wanted?”
“Yes. I’m satisfied.”
The way he said it—
He looked like a man standing on the edge of a cliff.
Their feelings are so complicated and I still can’t understand why Ricardo would fall for her? It seems like it was just because of she doesn’t care about him anytime. Also how could he ever think that his actions with Idette would not hurt his fiance who according to him begged to be engaged and loves him? Like 🤷🏻♀️ huh!?
Thank you for your thoughtful comment! I totally understand your confusion; Ricardo’s feelings are complicated, and his actions aren’t easy to explain. His attachment to the FL comes from the mystery and emotional distance she maintains, which draws him in. As for his actions with Idette, you’re right to be frustrated. Ricardo was blinded by his own emotions and didn’t consider the consequences for his fiancée, despite her love for him. His journey is full of mistakes and growth, so I hope as the story unfolds, his choices will make more sense. Thanks for sticking with the story!💕
This feels sad😞 to me Ricardo seems like a broken character because of his past. He clearly said that he was waiting to die after everything, but now he’s realizing that he wanted to live too. He’s doesn’t know how to love because he’s never experienced it, so he regrets thinking Bianca wouldn’t be hurt.
And Bianca had to suffer because she was transmigrated and had to be accountable for things she didn’t do.
They’re both very complicated, and this chapter felt depressing
You summarized it very well.
He’s loved her for a long time, I think. In previous chapters, I got the impression he recognized that her actions “against” him as children came from a confused place of love, but he didn’t want to be loved. He didn’t want to create that gap or weakness in himself, so he wanted to make her hate him so he could go through life as he planned and end everything.
Or that’s one facet. There’s a lot of contradictions woven into the story, but they’re (in the vase of emotional details) ones that feel fairly true to life. Real people are bundles of opposing drives and emotions.
Or maybe I’m reading too much into things. That is my usual setting. XD
tbh i really hope bianca is bianca because even if ricardo say he hate a child bianca, he clearly fascinated or like her. she’s kind of i love you yet hate you at the same time for him. that why his feeling turn to love quickly when bianca now come—become different from before. it hurt me how he asked if being with him is the source of her unhappiness, man.
Not fair Ricardo… you are making me sad 🥲