~Chapter 49~
“Ricardo.”
At the sound of his name, Ricardo quietly lowered his gaze.
“Failure means a fall.”
It was a painfully familiar phrase from Harness.
“If you achieve nothing, no one will stay by your side. Just like your mother.”
“I understand.”
Ricardo let out a faint, bitter laugh.
A fall, huh. He often wondered—what’s at the bottom of that fall that makes Harness so afraid of ruin?
Wasn’t the place they were already standing the end?
Outside the window, dawn had already begun. His eyes, used to the darkness, couldn’t adjust to the sunlight and only saw a blur.
‘…What a terrible day.’
Ricardo closed his eyes. Fragments of the past slowly consumed his thoughts.
The distant future he remembered was surprisingly simple.
***
“If you were born into the Hessen family, you cannot disobey me.”
In his memories, Harness was always angry. He constantly lashed out in hatred, even toward people Ricardo had never met.
Ricardo didn’t fully understand what death was, but whenever he looked at Harness, that word came to mind.
Yes—Harness was dying.
The only time he seemed truly alive was when he said:
“You must obey me.”
That was the first word Ricardo ever learned—“obedience.”
He didn’t fully understand what it meant, but he wanted to make Harness happy. And when he promised to remember it, Harnein would finally smile in relief.
Ricardo liked that. He was sure that was what people meant by love.
“I’ll live for you, Lord Harness.”
When he said that, he was praised. So he decided to live that way—no matter what Harness wanted, no matter what it was.
That was his only goal in life.
As time passed, the family became stricter.
He was forbidden from going outside, and strict training began.
When he said he missed his mother, he was locked in the red room. If he made even the smallest mistake during training, a scar would be left on his back. On those days, he had to sleep face down.
But he wasn’t allowed to show that it hurt.
“Lord Harness is a pitiful man. Only you, young master, can help him.”
The nanny would say this with tears in her eyes.
“Young master, if the training is too much, just leave. Though no one besides Lord Harness may ever love you.”
Everyone said similar things.
“Lord Harness saved us all. So what could you possibly be afraid of, young master?”
Harness was pitiful—so he must be understood. That’s what they all believed.
But over time, Ricardo began to doubt it.
On days when Harness was in a bad mood, he left long scars on Ricardo’s back. The wounds would get worse if he had a fever and couldn’t train properly. And they grew more frequent.
On drunken nights, it was even worse.
“Argh…!”
The nanny claimed it was trauma from the war, but to Ricardo he had become a monster.
Even when Ricardo covered his ears with a pillow, the monster wouldn’t sleep. All night, he’d scream the name “Veronica.”
Ricardo later learned that Veronica was Harness’s wife.
***
“Mother!”
He got to see his mother twice a year. She was cold, but still better than Harness.
She rarely spoke. But she didn’t drink, and she never raised her voice.
That alone made the village of Dians feel like his only happiness.
He wondered why his mother didn’t live like a noble, and why he had to hide himself in Dians.
But being with her made him so happy, he didn’t want to waste time asking questions.
“…You don’t need to come next time.”
He wished she hadn’t said that in the end.
Still, he loved Dians. He was happy whenever he got to see his mother.
Then one day—
It was a day just like any other, and he had gone to Dians again.
“Connie! What happened to this cut?”
He saw his mother worrying over a little girl’s injury—something he’d never seen from her before.
She never showed emotion, so it startled him.
What if I showed her my own wounds? Would she look at me like that too?
That thought came to him.
I have more scars than that girl. I’m sure Mother will be worried.
For the first time, the scars he once thought were disgusting felt like something to be proud of.
So he revealed the injuries he had hidden all this time.
“I have some wounds too!”
“…”
“Look at these!”
Ricardo looked at her expression.
She stared at him like he was some kind of disgusting monster. Just like how he had looked at Harness.
A chill breeze touched his wounds, making them sting.
That moment felt like an eternity—as if he had imagined her worrying about the girl.
Thud.
Even after the door closed, Ricardo couldn’t move. He stood frozen until night fell and a knight came to find him.
The heavy air weighed Ricardo down and refused to let him go.
After that day, Ricardo stopped going to Dians.
‘It must’ve been because I had too many scars.’
That’s what he told himself, and from then on, he hoped he wouldn’t get any more injuries—at least until he could meet her again.
It made sense. That little girl didn’t look disgusting like him, and she only had a small cut.
But as the days went by, his injuries kept piling up. They got so bad that he couldn’t even look in the mirror anymore, and he lost the courage to visit her.
Because he was sure she would see him as a monster.
“Young master, you’ll lead House Hessen one day. You must grow up to be like Lord Harness.”
…Like Harness.
If I become like him, will the world look at me the same way I look at him?
Like my mother did?
Time passed, and Ricardo joined a subjugation campaign. He was the youngest among the knights.
To survive, he cut down countless people. And for the first time, one clear thought crossed his mind:
I can’t breathe.
And he wanted to ask his mother something—
What crime did I commit to deserve this?
In the end, he ran to her like he was fleeing.
“…Ricardo?”
It had been a long time. She looked surprised, but for the first time, she welcomed him.
“How have you been?”
“I’ve been the same as always.”
They ate together and went for a walk, just like before. They didn’t talk about the past, as if nothing had ever happened.
But surprisingly, she was the one who brought it up.
“Did your scars leave marks?”
“…”
“Ricardo, do you hate me a lot?”
He couldn’t answer. She calmly continued speaking.
“If you become the head of House Hessen, you’ll live a better life than now. I’ll spend my life repenting for everything… so please, just be happy.”
He had never asked for that.
But if time could heal everything, he was willing to wait.
That was the one thing Ricardo was good at.
“Please come visit the estate someday. I want to show you what I’ve achieved.”
By then, he thought they could have more honest conversations.
But that hope was shattered all too soon.
Whoosh!
“My lord! Lady Chloe is at—!”
That was the day his mother had come to visit the mansion.
The cause was a fire, but Harness called it a curse.
Ricardo didn’t cry. And Harness asked him:
“Now you understand how I feel, don’t you?”
But Ricardo still didn’t understand.
“And now, you know what you must do.”
Harness spoke in a warm tone for the first time.
Ailins—the person Harness had always cursed—was brought up.
“But you are safe. The curse only affects your parents.”
Harness gripped Ricardo’s shoulders tightly.
“You must be the one to bring all of this to an end.”
“…”
“You remember the vow you made to me, right?”
As if under a spell, Ricardo answered without thinking.
“…I said I would obey.”
I said that to you.
Everything I’ve done in my life… it was all for that vow.
To carry out Harness’s revenge in his place.
Life had become unbearable.
After that, the weather stayed clear for a while.
Everyone on the streets smiled, as if the day forced them to be happy.
And maybe that’s why—
Ricardo made a decision.
That he should die.
