A Chilly Winter
It was a freezing winter day, though people said it was warmer than the days before.
‘…Warm, my foot. It’s freezing.’
Maybe it was the cold wind that helped calm the nausea. I muttered to the air, pretending not to feel the emptiness inside.
“Mom… Mom, Mom… sob…”
Tears that hadn’t come during the entire funeral finally ran down my cheeks.
It was like my tear ducts had broken—they just wouldn’t stop.
And just like that, the day Mom left had passed, and since that day, I had to hold on to the cold smell of winter in my heart.
***
“Hey! You devil!”
“…Mmm.”
“Get up! You awful devil!!”
A little child screamed so loudly that even someone in deep sleep would’ve jumped up.
I hurriedly turned my head. Lily was glaring down at me, fuming.
“Ah… yes? What’s wrong?”
“You! I mean…!”
“Yes?”
Lily crossed her arms and turned her head away with a loud sigh.
“…I mean, why were you crying!”
Crying? Who? Me?
I quickly touched under my eyes. My fingertips came back damp.
‘Ah… I cried again.’
Losing a loved one always leaves traces behind.
Even when I thought I was okay, sometimes I’d dream of Mom and wake up to a wet pillow.
I was used to it. I calmly wiped my eyes.
“I had a nice dream. It made me so happy, I cried.”
“…People cry when they’re happy?”
“Of course. If you miss someone and see them in a dream, you cry because you’re so happy. It’s like meeting them again.”
Actually, Lily cried in her sleep every night.
This was my third day caring for her, so I knew.
But of course, the little devil didn’t remember crying at all.
“So happy…”
Lily repeated my words, looking lost in thought with her mouth slightly open—like any child her age.
Even if she usually acted like a little devil.
“Then why did you call me?”
“Wha…? I-I didn’t!”
Was this kid okay in the head…?
She just yelled for me, and now she’s pretending like she didn’t?
I narrowed my eyes at her. Lily flinched a little, fiddling with her hands.
“B-because… you were crying!”
“Because I was crying?”
“Y-yeah! My mom always said if someone’s crying, you have to comfort them…”
Her eyes trembled with sadness.
Her big eyes sparkled as if they were about to shed tears.
‘Even for me, it took time to be okay again. It must be even harder for this little one.’
I finally realized why I found this tiny child so pitiful.
I smiled gently and said to her,
“Then will you comfort me?”
***
“Where are we going?!”
“Just a bit more! We’re almost there!”
I convinced Lily to come outside by saying I’d tell her why I cried.
The weather in the north was always cold, especially with winter just around the corner.
The breeze brushed our cheeks and necks, but the sun was warm, so it wasn’t too bad.
Lily worried the servants would be upset about her going outside, but I didn’t care—I held her hand and led her along.
Being sick wasn’t her fault. Feeling sad wasn’t wrong either.
I had to show her that being unable to control her emotions wasn’t a crime.
She looked around nervously once we were out, clearly worried.
“I sent everyone away on my first day here—including the maids. So don’t worry.”
“….”
Seeing her shrink in fear of infecting others hurt my heart.
Under the bright sunlight, Lily looked even more beautiful.
Her honey-blond hair sparkled, and her blue eyes looked like a clear lake.
Everything about her seemed to shine.
I smiled at her for a while, then gently pushed her shoulder forward.
“I think I lost something around here. Can you help me look?”
“Lost? What is it?”
“Hmm… Maybe by the lake? Or maybe under that tree?”
I knelt down and acted desperate, like someone truly sad about losing something.
“You have to tell me what it is if you want help!”
Still, she didn’t complain and started looking everywhere I pointed, happy to be outside.
Actually, taking walks with Lily was part of my treatment plan.
Sunlight helps boost serotonin—it lifts your mood.
It was simple but effective against sadness.
‘It’s working well.’
Lily looked livelier than I’d ever seen her.
She closed her eyes to feel the breeze and even ran around till she was out of breath.
“Miss Lily, how about we take a walk around the garden every day? Just 20 minutes. If you feel too tired, we can just sit under a tree and rest. We can listen to birds, see what’s floating in the stream, or check out which flowers bloomed.”
“…Every day?”
“Yes. If we don’t want to do anything, we can just breathe. Like this.”
I exaggeratedly inhaled and exhaled like an old man at the spring.
“Pfft, what are you doing, Adelia? Hahaha!”
“Oh? Did you just call me by name?”
She stopped laughing right away and turned around quickly.
“No! You must’ve heard wrong!”
Then she stomped off toward the house. I chuckled and followed her.
She really was a cute little thing.
***
Time in the annex passed quickly. It was already the fifth day of treatment.
Since our walk on day three, Lily had visibly improved.
She went outside every day, looking for what I “lost,” and stayed out for hours, running and playing.
Now, she slept peacefully at night—no more crying in her sleep.
I stayed by her side, talking with her, sometimes just acting like part of the background to help her relax.
Lately, though, something was on my mind: the brown teddy bear named “Lulu” Lily always carried.
‘I think its arm’s about to fall off… She’ll be really upset if that happens.’
Lulu was Lily’s comfort object.
She clung to it so tightly it reminded me of that cursed red book in room 406…
Anyway.
Even Lily kept checking the teddy’s arm during playtime, clearly worried.
If it actually fell off one day, it would be a disaster.
So I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and asked her again.
“That teddy bear… Its arm looks a bit hurt. Should I fix it for you?”
“…Lulu doesn’t need fixing.”
Her voice dropped low and sad. I awkwardly cleared my throat.
I’d tried to offer to fix it before, but she always said no.
Still, she seemed to be in a good mood today, so I tried again.
“I think it really hurts… If its arm falls off, Lulu might scream ‘Aah!’ and have to live with only one arm…”
“….”
…Yeah, that was embarrassing.
I threw myself on the bed, pretending to cry while holding my arm like it hurt.
At this point, maybe I was the one who needed therapy.
Then Lily slowly stepped up to me.
“So… Lulu won’t hurt if you fix it?”
“Nope! I can sew it so well that no one will even see the stitches.”
She hesitated, staring at her teddy bear.
Was she… talking to it?
She looked so innocent, like a true child. I couldn’t help but smile.
Then I quickly faked a cough in case she caught me laughing.
“…Then… hurry and fix it.”
