~Chapter 06~
Yesterday, the only possession I had on me was a single book.
I showed the prince the copy of Heaven and Hell I had tucked under my arm.
“It must’ve fallen from this. It’s a book the priest lent me not long ago.”
“…Now everything makes sense.”
The prince’s voice sank low.
At the same time, I felt confused.
…If the recipient of this note wasn’t someone else but me—and the sender was none other than that priest—then what did this note actually mean?
“9 PM on the 24th” meant last night.
I know what kind of place the Evening Primrose Garden is. I’ve never actually been there, but…
If the priest also knew what kind of place it was, there’s no way he would’ve called me there at night.
“I’m sorry to say this, but that note wasn’t a mistake.”
The prince said this as if delivering a sentence.
In that moment, a cold shiver spread through my entire body, as though all the blood had drained from me.
“…No, there must’ve been some misunderstanding.”
I forced a smile. My hand holding the note trembled so badly that I quickly hid it behind my back.
Various assumptions clashed in my head, but I shook my head firmly.
I tried to deny it. That couldn’t be. The priest had always supported me. He promised he’d get me out of Ruby Palace no matter what. He said others had escaped before, and that all I had to do was follow his instructions. He always said so.
“Josephine of the Kingdom of Iote.”
At the prince’s call, I slowly looked up.
“…Yes?”
“You pitied me so thoughtlessly, so let me give you some unsolicited advice in return.”
His voice was solemn, like a judge delivering a verdict.
For some reason, I felt overwhelmed. Like a criminal standing before the court, I could only listen silently.
“That priest tried to lure you to a secret rendezvous and force himself on you. He wanted to cloud your judgment and bind you both physically and mentally. I ended up witnessing the whole thing because I misunderstood that the note was meant for me.”
“Wait, what? What are you talking about—?”
“You don’t want to believe it, but listen to the end.”
“On what grounds are you making such accusations?”
My irritation flared immediately.
I couldn’t believe it. No—I didn’t want to believe it.
“It’s not speculation. It’s a fact. I saw that man masturbating while calling your name. Waiting for your appearance in the beautiful Evening Primrose Garden.”
“…”
It felt like I had been struck in the head with a hammer. My mind went blank and my jaw began to tremble.
“He said something absurd about offering your purity to God and that he, as God’s servant, would help with that. Just muttering disgusting nonsense.”
The prince gave a hollow laugh, as if even speaking the words disgusted him.
My thoughts were in complete disarray.
A priest who had watched over me for five years and given me the will to live. And a prince from a faraway land I had just met yesterday.
Which of them should I believe?
I crumpled the note in my hand, trying desperately to regain composure. So what was this prince’s conclusion?
“I heard your side. What advice do you want to give me?”
“Don’t trust people so easily. And forget whatever expectations you had about that priest.”
“…What?”
“Whatever promises he made to lure you in, his goal was ultimately to use you.”
“Don’t say things like that. He was the only one I—”
“The only one? Oh, my apologies. If you were actually planning to sleep with him, then—”
Smack!
Before I realized it, my hand had moved.
The prince’s head snapped to the side from the slap. It was the first time I had ever hit someone. My palm stung.
“You disgusting jerk. How dare you say such filthy things.”
“…”
The prince stood still, his hand on the cheek I had struck.
“Then why… why did you go to that garden?”
The sobs building in my throat finally escaped.
My pent-up defiance and anger had found a target—the prince standing before me.
“If you thought I left that note on purpose… were you hoping to sleep with me?”
“…To be lumped together with that pervert. How utterly revolting.”
The prince replied with an icy sneer.
“It seems like you need time alone to reflect. I’ll leave you now. I’ll accept your thanks later.”
He turned and left while I stood beneath the shade of the willow tree.
My knees gave out, and I collapsed.
Sunlight filtered through the willow branches like a fine mist.
I didn’t even feel worthy of its warmth, so I hung my head and sobbed.
I had believed that priest was my only way out.
There were indeed hostage princesses who had left Ruby Palace with the emperor’s permission and gone to live in monasteries.
I had thought I’d be safe if I could just get out of the princes’ line of sight—at least safe from the humiliation of being defiled by them.
When my father handed our kingdom over to the empire, I was deeply ashamed.
I was ashamed again when I was sent here as a hostage, abandoned by my parents.
But even so, I didn’t want myself to be ashamed of me.
I wanted to stay proud, at least in my own eyes.
What had kept my body safe from the princes… was that last shred of self-respect.
Now I finally understood.
Even if I fled the palace and sought shelter in a monastery, there was no true safe zone where I could protect myself.
The prince wasn’t wrong. I had clung to false hope all this time.
I had no power or means to protect myself.
It was pitiful and pathetic. What did I think I was? What made me think I was so precious?
Was it even necessary to protect myself so desperately?
My country was sold off, and so were my parents. As a hostage, what did purity even mean anymore?
I had realized the truth far too late—one I didn’t want to face.
Someone like me…
Is nothing. And can never be anything.
*
For a while, I lay sprawled across the bed like a puppet with its strings cut.
Only on the day I was due to visit the temple did I finally rise, wash, and dress properly.
Today, I was going to end a relationship. One I had believed was my only lifeline.
Sometimes the priest’s gaze had felt uncomfortable.
But I always assumed it was pity.
That lingering stare. That hand brushing over my shoulder. If you ask me whether it ever made me feel uneasy—
It did. But I chose to ignore it.
Because my hope of escaping Ruby Palace felt more important.
At the imperial palace’s temple, I sat in the far back during mass. I stared blankly into space the entire time.
As soon as the high priest’s blessing ended, I picked up Heaven and Hell and climbed the steps.
In the middle of the corridor, I arrived in front of the priest’s office. For some reason, luggage was piled up everywhere.
‘No need to say goodbye in person. I’ll just leave the book with a note inside.’
I was about to place the book at his door when—
Creaaak— the office door opened.
My heart dropped the moment I looked up. The priest was staring down at me.
He looked terrible. Both his eyes were bruised and hollow, his nose was swollen like a fist, and his lips were cracked and scabbed over—I almost didn’t recognize him.
“You’ve come just in time, Princess. Please, come in and let’s talk.”
“No. I just came to return the book. That’s all.”
I stood up and turned to leave—but suddenly, my wrist was grabbed.
Dragged in by his clammy hand, I ended up inside the office.
“W-What are you doing!”
No matter how hard I tried to shake him off, I couldn’t get free.
Despite the bandages on his head and a limp in his leg, the priest was far stronger than me.
“I told you to come alone, didn’t I? Instead, you sent some thug boyfriend to beat me to a pulp?”
I screamed, but he quickly covered my mouth.
“Mmgh! Mmmph!”
“Shut up! Do you know how much effort I put into you? And you, who’s not even a virgin, dare disgrace a servant of God like me?”
He slammed me against the wall and pinned both my arms.
This was his true self.
I should never have trusted him from the beginning. The fact that I relied on him for years made me feel sick and hopeless.
Like someone hanging off a cliff, I desperately looked for a way to survive.
And now… this might be my only option.
