Chapter 6
I stepped into the empty room next door and perched myself on a chair.
Placing a hand over my tightly constricted chest, I kept dry heaving, unable to suppress the rising nausea. The maid who had followed me in made a fuss.
“Your Highness the Princess Consort, could this perhaps be good news?”
“Good news?”
“You and His Highness the Grand Duke always seem so close. Maybe the little one is finally on the way?”
With her cheerful voice ringing in my ears, I finally understood the meaning behind the looks people had been giving me.
The shock hit me harder than I expected. I froze, completely still.
The maid’s eyes, fixed on me, sparkled with anticipation.
A beat later, I murmured in a daze.
“…No.”
I remember even the shallow breath that escaped me in that moment.
A dizzying flood of thoughts made my chest tremble, and a tidal wave of imaginings began to eat away at me.
The sheer uncertainty, the overwhelming vagueness—it made my vision blur.
“Is something wrong, Your Highness?”
“That can’t… That mustn’t happen.”
Back then, I was unsure of myself. Unstable. Incomplete. And above all, scared.
The very idea of raising a life, of having to be responsible for it—
When even I, walking this world now, was someone who had gone astray. A being born of disgrace. How could I, of all people, raise someone born under me?
Perhaps the only saving grace was that any child born of my blood—a bastard—would at least not inherit the same cursed cycle.
And so now, with time having passed, I sometimes wondered:
If there had been a child between you and me, would the path we walk now have been any different?
“A baby…”
My dazed whisper seemed to darken the maid’s face.
She must’ve thought I didn’t look well.
“Does Your Highness not wish for a child?”
“…Me? A child?”
I blinked at her, bewildered.
With my mind completely faded to black, I could only utter one thing.
“Why would I… want something like that?”
No sooner had I spoken than a loud thud echoed from the door, which had been firmly shut.
Both the maid and I turned our heads at the same time.
Unable to respond, the maid jumped to her feet.
“It must be the physician. I’ll go check.”
She opened the door wide and glanced out into the corridor, only to tilt her head in confusion.
“Huh…?”
A voice soaked in confusion rang out.
“There’s no one there…”
“Is Her Highness the Princess Consort here?”
At that moment, the physician rushed in. The maid hurriedly guided him over to me.
After carefully checking my condition, the physician let out a low sigh.
“It seems you spent too long in the cold today.”
“Oh… So she’s not… with child?”
“Regrettably, no.”
The physician’s reply to the maid, who looked genuinely disappointed, was cold and flat.
Then he turned to me with advice.
“Your Highness, the climate between the Kingdom and the Principality differs greatly. The Kingdom is relatively mild, but the Principality is cold and fierce. You must keep warm to avoid discomfort.”
It was true that the Principality was frigid—especially the temple, where few people ever visited. The place was always freezing.
I, who holed up there more often than not, nodded faintly.
As soon as the physician left, we, too, rose to return to the banquet hall.
And there—he stood, at the end of the dim corridor, leaning askew against the wall.
“Your Highness.”
The maid quickly gathered her skirt and curtsied.
“Her Highness the Princess Consort was just—”
“Let’s go.”
He cut off the maid’s words like a knife, grabbing my arm.
His tone, though still courteous, had turned oddly cold.
A black shadow stretched long across the floor. My lips trembled as I looked up at him, almost hypnotically.
“…Excuse me?”
“Let those who wish to enjoy the banquet do so among themselves.”
He smiled faintly.
But there was a strange chill in that smile.
“We have duties to fulfill as the Grand Duke and the Princess Consort.”
And with that, he began pulling me along.
We left the hallway and stepped out into the palace grounds. The winter wind swept through my hair.
Just moments ago, even in this bitter cold, I had felt warmth when near him.
But now, even the air of the Principality—cold enough that even the physician had warned me—was not as icy as his voice.
“Everyone seems curious.”
“…About what?”
“Whether you’re with child or not.”
A freezing wind sliced across my cheek.
That strange fear began to gnaw at me again.
I should’ve asked him then, Do you even want a child with someone like me?
But my mind was consumed with only one thought.
“I’m not.”
“Not, you say.”
His slow repetition made my blood run cold. Even my bones ached.
It was strange.
Just moments ago, this man had given me warmth and hope—but now, he was colder than the snow beneath my feet.
“Strange. It’s been several months since we first shared a bed.”
“….”
“I’m beginning to wonder.”
Still pulling me along, he turned slightly to glance back.
And for a brief second, I thought I saw a sharp, crimson glint in his eyes.
“Whether you got rid of it on purpose.”
The words caught in my throat.
“I hear there are many methods passed down among the courtesans of Demimonden. If you find yourself pregnant with a man’s unwanted child, for instance…”
“There’s no way… I would.”
“A flower-selling woman of the royal court should at least know how to manage that. Otherwise, she’d bloom once and wither away.”
It was the usual scorn toward Demimonden.
As the daughter of one, I had no choice but to endure it.
“That’s not something within my control.”
“Is that so.”
He said nothing more after that.
He simply led me back to the bedchamber.
My winter-chilled body touched the cold sheets.
“Of course, there are other possibilities. Whether it’s my fault… or yours. Who knows.”
And then, the familiar weight of him pressed over me.
Each word he uttered was bitter, as if fueled by anger—though I couldn’t fathom why.
“Whatever the case may be…”
A firm hand gripped my shoulder.
“You must fulfill your duty as Princess Consort.”
It may be a faulty memory. Or maybe it was just my imagination.
But from that night on, a subtle rift began to form between us.
The warmth I had once felt in the temple—the closeness, the growing bond—all began to feel like lies.
Outwardly, our relationship seemed unchanged.
He was still the Grand Duke. I was still his consort.
By day, he governed the principality, while I listened to the divine whispers of the gods.
By night, he came to me—and I had no right to refuse.
The weight that overlapped with mine was empty. The time, meaningless.
He stayed within me, sating his desire, then coldly turned away and returned to his palace.
The man who used to whisper a small end-of-day story while wrapping my bare shoulder in warmth—he no longer existed.
In some ways, the change was minor.
Yet I wasn’t the only one who found it strange.
“Your Highness, Your Highness.”
That evening, as she tidied the chamber, the maid spoke hesitantly.
“Yes?”
“His Highness the Grand Duke seems… a little different lately.”
When I looked at her, she murmured with a pale face.
“Maybe it’s not my place to say…”
“…No, it’s fine.”
I glanced at the neatly made bed.
Even on the nights when those sheets were disheveled, he seemed utterly unmoved. Not a trace of temptation or distraction.
“So even to you, he seems different.”
“Yes, um…”
The maid hesitated, lowering her voice.
“I heard it’s the same in court. That His Highness has been on edge lately. My husband asked me if perhaps something had happened between you two…”
She trailed off.
But I was the one most curious.
Why did he suddenly seem like a stranger?
I had no words for what I was feeling—I, who had never been one to sit among others or talk easily.
Carefully, the maid offered a suggestion.
“Why not offer His Highness a glass of wine tonight?”
“…What?”
“To help him relax, just for a while. Maybe ask how his day went.”
I blinked at her, dumbfounded.
It struck me only then—he had always been the one to initiate conversation.
I had always just listened and responded.
“I’m sure he’ll like it. A lovely wine came in today.”
She proudly held up a bottle of red wine.
Staring at the crimson glow of it, a strange thought crossed my mind.
He, who had once mocked my mother’s status—would he scoff at me too? For offering him wine, thinking it some vulgar, unrefined gesture unbefitting of my bloodline?
