Chapter 14
An untimely quarrel caused ripples of silence to spread among the maids.
They didnāt dare to even breathe loudly, and began to cautiously observe his mood.
For me, this was a familiar situation, but for them, it probably wasnāt.
Among them, with their mouths shut tight like clams, I let out a small sigh.
“Your Highness.”
“Yes, Consort.”
“I heard belatedly that Your Highness went through great trouble to obtain that piano. If I had known earlier, I wouldn’t have committed such an embarrassing mistake.”
His lips, twisted into a crooked smile, trembled faintly.
This wasnāt the answer he wanted.
From those distorted lips, twisted words emerged.
“You really had no interest at all, did you?”
Perhaps “deeply sulking” would have been a more accurate expression.
At least, that’s how it looked to me then.
But my experience with human relationships had always been extremely limited.
He, my husband, was practically the entirety of my small world.
I didnāt know how to deal with people in moments like this.
Even with him, who occupied most of my tiny world, it was the same.
Maybe it was something I could never learn, no matter how much time passed.
And now, there wasnāt even time left for me to learn.
“ā¦Yes, regrettably, it was my negligence.”
It was just a simple bow and reply. That was the best I could do.
But it seemed this, too, wasnāt the answer he wanted.
For whatever new reason he was displeased, his eyebrows twitched fiercely.
The maids, already tiptoeing around, lowered their heads and pretended not to notice, clearly sensing his displeasure.
I instinctively knew something was going wrong, but I couldnāt fix it.
All I could do was keep babbling defensively.
“However, Your Highnessā¦ Regrettably, I donāt think this is solely a matter of my interest.”
“A matter not solely about your interest? What exactly does that mean?”
“Your Highness could have informed me beforehand as well. If I had known how much effort you had put into it, I would never have acted that way. Having heard nothing, I simply thought it was just another wedding gift from the Duchy.”
He opened his mouth in disbelief and then closed it again.
A cold voice followed.
“It seems everyone else knew, except you.”
I was at a loss for words and could only part my lips slightly.
“ā¦”
“Did you really think something like that could be found just anywhere?”
His scolding tone made my heart swell with things I wanted to argue back, but the words wouldnāt come out.
But stillā¦
When said another way, it meant that everyone else knew, but no one had told me.
Was that really unknown to him?
His scolding, disguised as truth, continued.
“Youāre indifferent to everything. Yet when you sit in front of that piano, how can you suddenly be so passionate? Itās always baffling.”
Was I really passionate in front of the piano?
For some reason, the day we first met flashed before my eyes.
A day that was nothing special by any means.
A deep blue summer day, probably just a passing moment for him.
But for me, it was a day I could never forgetāthe pure white day when he said he was curious about the world reflected in my eyes.
Even if an eternity passedā¦ even if the end of my short life approached.
I would never fully understand what he meant.
Between us, there seemed to be endless things we would never understand about each other.
Even if we cleared and organized them again and again, it would never end.
Even with people living under the same roof, human relationships were this difficult.
Turning my head away, I redirected the conversation.
“Soā¦ what brings Your Highness here today?”
“Am I not allowed to come here?”
“You know I didnāt mean it that way.”
Realizing he had acted petty, he casually looked around.
Surveying the mat on the grass, the refreshments, the parasol, and the maids gathered nearby, he clicked his tongue.
“I just couldnāt believe youād actually come out of the temple. I wanted to see it with my own eyes.”
ā¦Itās not like I wanted to stay inside the temple forever.
Thinking back, maybe I just didnāt know what to do.
Or maybe I simply wanted to ignore the reality right in front of me.
So I sat there in that place, which gave me a set role, without a single thought.
“Of course, now thereās nothing left for you to do even if you stayed there.”
And again, we returned to that topic.
I couldnāt understand his intentions behind bringing this up again.
Was he upset that I had broken his gift without hesitation? Or was it something else?
To me, the person who occupied the largest part of my small world was always the hardest to understand.
“ā¦Then, will Your Highness give me something else to do?”
I asked a little challengingly.
Honestly, the piano was no longer something I could use.
Nearby, I caught sight of a young maid cautiously watching.
Someone who would soon follow after meā¦ offering endless praise to God.
Just as my life had once been dedicated to praising God, now it would become hers.
Though I would disappear because of you, at the very least, I should leave something behind.
Now that I knew of your existence.
Perhapsā¦ I, to you, could become like a gift.
He let out a dumbfounded sound.
“You’re the one who destroyed it, and now you say that?”
“Oh dearā¦ I canāt tell if you two get along well or not.”
Just then, an older maid gently intervened between us.
She seemed to have gathered quite some courage.
Before long, she softly soothed the tense air.
“Your Highness, I donāt think Consortās words are wrong. If youāre disappointed, how about getting a new one? One as beautiful as Consort herself.”
“ā¦How did the conversation turn to this?”
“It just sounded to me like Your Highness is upset that you wonāt get to see your favorite sight anymore.”
“Yeogwan (Old maidās nickname).”
“Thatās all I heard it as, Your Highness. And if you want to see that sight again, this is the quickest way, isnāt it?”
Her skillful reply made him twitch his eyebrows again.
The maid turned to me and gently smiled.
“Consort, His Highness often watched you. When the sunlight streamed through the glass windowsā¦ Consortāsā¦”
“Enough.”
“See? Even His Highness gets embarrassed. Soā¦”
“Fine.”
He cut off the maidās words coldly.
The maid smiled softly.
He turned his head sharply as if to avoid her gaze.
“So, shall I give you something to do, as you requested?”
“I thank Your Highness for your consideration.”
Whether I would ever sit in front of that againā¦ I didnāt know.
ā¦Or whether I would even live to see the new one arrive.
“Consort.”
“Yes?”
“One thing.”
The words “I have a request” disappeared behind his teeth.
“When the new one arrivesā¦ Please, play for me first.”
“ā¦Excuse me?”
I had to ask back dumbly.
Would God permit me to offer a language He created solely for Himselfā¦ to another human?
“Though Iāve never done it beforeā¦ Iāll try.”
Trailing off, I thought to myself.
Maybe if I just closed my eyes and pretended, I could manage it.
Looking at God but thinking of someone else wouldnāt get me struck by lightningā¦ probably.
“Will Your Highness also grant me one request?”
“As long as itās not something like returning to your kingdom, anything.”
“Even if you begged me to go back now, I wouldnāt. Iāll cling stubbornly to the Duchy, so please donāt worry.”
Given how often he brought it up, I realized how much of a mistake that comment about going back to the kingdom had been.
“Then?”
“Iād like to see the capital of the Duchy at least once. Both its darkest place and its brightest.”
At my words, he tilted his head.
His eyes, watching me, softened.
“Latelyā¦ youāre acting strange.”
Honestly, it would be stranger if I were normal.
Even realizing my own existence like this felt miraculous.
“Are you getting homesick?”
“Is there anyone who doesnāt miss their hometown? Saying otherwise would just be lying to oneself.”
When I closed my eyes, a memory surfaced.
A small, shabby house. A cramped room with barely any furniture. My mother smiling at me while lying on an old bed.
Her warm hand stroking my head, her voice singing out like a melody, always pulling out memories of the past.
Mostly stories about the King.
Those times were the most beautiful days of her life.
Even when every day was difficult and miserable, she never let go of hope until the end.
Always, she gave her very best.
“Butā¦ the place I miss is not the royal palace.”
I missed the cradle of my mother, bathed in moonlight.
Like a salmon returning to its birthplace to die.
