Chapter 4
“Be born again?”
“Lose your memories, be reborn, and live a new life. As an entirely different person.”
Suddenly, a wave of heat surged through me. If there really was a god, I wanted to drag them in front of me right now and demand an explanation.
“What’s the point of that? You said becoming king was my destiny. So if I’m reborn, won’t it just be the same life again? Studying to death, working endlessly, only to be betrayed in the end.”
“Becoming king is your destiny. Being betrayed is not. Even if you become king again, your next life could be different.”
“Don’t make me laugh!”
I screamed at the man. I wasn’t angry at him, but at the god who had supposedly set my destiny in stone. I hated that god to death.
“Do you think I ever wanted to be king? I didn’t have any other choice. My mother told me so. That I couldn’t hope for any other future.”
As I poured out those words, heat welled up again around my eyes.
The truth was, I never wanted that life. I wanted to laugh freely like any ordinary young woman, to play, to love as I pleased, and to live quietly, cherished by family and friends. I just wanted one single moment of an ordinary life.
Still, I endured it all, telling myself I had to be a good king, that the people I cared about were proud of me.
But it had all been a lie. The people I thought I had disappointed—this was how they really felt about me.
As I stood there crying for what felt like forever, the man who had been silently watching finally spoke.
“Then how about being reborn as you are?”
“What do you mean?”
“Normally, a reincarnated soul loses all memories of their past life. But if you wish it, I can let you be reborn with all your current memories intact.”
My swirling emotions began to settle, and reason slowly returned.
“Is that really possible?”
“If you wish for it. I can do it right now.”
To be reborn with all my memories intact—that meant I’d get the chance to start over from the beginning, fully aware.
I had devoted my entire life to becoming a good king.
I had studied to become king, built relationships to become king, and sacrificed the joys of love, marriage, and family for the sake of that crown.
I knew exactly what it took to get closer to the throne, what made someone worthy of being king, and what disqualified someone from it.
If I retained all my memories, I might be able to avoid repeating that same life.
Of course, I knew fate wasn’t something easily changed. But the god’s so-called decrees were never absolute. In truth, that god was more irresponsible and incompetent than any human on earth.
Had even one of the god’s commandments recorded in scripture ever actually come true?
“Honor your wife.”
My father proudly abandoned my mother, the queen.
“Treasure your children like precious gems.”
He cast me aside for being a daughter and never once looked for me again.
“Do not betray your friends.”
My closest friend, the Marquis of Lamian, betrayed me.
Even as everyone shamelessly defied the word of god, even as all sorts of unjust things unfolded in the world, the god remained silent.
“Become king.”
If that was the only destiny engraved on my soul, then I had no reason to follow the rest.
“…Fine. Let me be reborn.”
I made my decision and looked the man straight in the eyes. The tears that had streamed down my face were now completely dry.
And then, a strange light flickered in his eyes.
“In return, may I ask one favor from you?”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Just one thing.”
His eyes shimmered mysteriously as he said,
“Please remember me.”
*
Harsh gasps, the metallic smell of blood, the wet squelch of soaked sheets.
I flailed my limbs and suddenly opened my eyes wide. It felt like I had been plunged deep into water and forcefully yanked out.
Air rushed into my lungs all at once. I panted heavily, trying to catch my breath.
After a few moments, I could breathe more easily. My arms and legs moved just fine. I blinked, and through the blurry vision, I saw an ornately decorated ceiling.
“Princess…?”
A startled voice called out.
I blinked a few more times and turned toward the voice.
It was a woman I had never seen before, dressed plainly—probably a maid.
As I stared blankly at her, she suddenly recoiled in shock and jumped up.
“Heavens! Your Highness!”
…Your Highness?
It was a very unfamiliar title.
After my mother had been dethroned, I was treated as an illegitimate child. I had never once been addressed as “Your Highness,” much less shown the courtesy of royalty.
And once I became queen, the correct title for me was “Your Majesty,” not “Your Highness.”
There were probably only a handful of moments in my past life when I was ever called “Princess.”
Had I… been born this time as a legitimate princess?
But something felt off. The arms that came into view looked too long.
I slowly examined the rest of my body. Long, smooth legs, a slender waist, a full chest—clearly an adult figure, not a baby’s.
If I really had been reborn, shouldn’t I be a newborn?
“Everyone, come quick! The princess has awakened!”
The maid shouted and bolted out the door.
I, still bewildered, slowly sat up in bed. My body felt heavy, but it wasn’t too difficult to move.
Soon, unfamiliar people rushed into the room.
“Oh, thank the heavens!”
“Your Highness, are you alright? Do you recognize me?”
“Go fetch the royal physician right away!”
A crowd of unknown women surrounded me, grabbing my hands, touching my forehead, crying and laughing all at once in a flurry of chaos.
I couldn’t respond. As my mind cleared, questions flooded in.
Why am I not a baby? Who are these people? Why are they all so worked up?
As I sat there in confusion, another figure entered the bedroom—a man with a beard.
“Princess!”
He rushed in and fell to his knees beside my bed.
“Your Highness! Are you alright?”
His eyes shook with fear. It looked like if I had said “No,” he would have ended his own life on the spot.
“Uh… I’m fine.”
I didn’t even know what was “fine,” but I said it to calm him down. Only then did he burst into tears like the others.
“Ah, thank the gods! I really thought Your Highness had passed away. If you truly had died, then I… I would have…”
“You thought I was dead?”
“Yes. You were definitely…”
At that moment, loud footsteps echoed from the end of the corridor.
A broad-shouldered man strode into the room. The people around immediately bowed deeply. The man ignored them entirely and approached me.
“Estelle!”
Estelle?
That was a name I’d never heard before. I just blinked at him blankly. The bearded man trembled as he spoke.
“Y-Your Majesty, the princess is…”
“Silence.”
With that cold command, the bearded man clamped his mouth shut.
I scanned the man standing before me, trying to make sense of the situation.
Your Majesty… was he the king? The reigning monarch of this time?
The moment the word “king” flashed through my mind, I hurriedly straightened my posture and began to swing my legs out of bed.
“To greet His Majesty the King—”
“Don’t get up. Stay seated!”
The king’s shout froze me in place. In an instant, he had stepped right in front of me and began speaking rapidly.
“How did you wake up? Are you hurt? Why are you treating your father like this? Hm? Estelle!”
I couldn’t answer any of that. But he didn’t seem to need any answers. His expression softened, his eyes glistening with tears.
“No… It doesn’t matter. You’re alive. Yes, that’s all that matters. You’re alive.”
Suddenly, he reached out to me. I flinched.
Then, without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around me.
Startled, I stiffened, frozen in my seated position.
“Thank you.”
His voice trembled with tears. Unconsciously, I placed my hands on his shoulders.
I had never felt such warmth in my life.
“…Thank you for surviving.”
His tears dripped onto my shoulder as he pulled me tighter into his broad chest. His warmth surrounded me completely.
It was so comforting… and so unfamiliar.
I stayed in that uncomfortably warm embrace for a long, long while.
