BIWMD 08

Chapter 8. Leave Me Alone! But No One Listened (8)

Thwack.

The sound of a sword embedding right next to my neck rang out.

Veins bulged on the exposed arm between his leather armor.

Ethan Behemoth bit out each word like he was grinding them with his teeth.

“Do. You. Want. To. Die?”

“Ah…”

Only then did I snap back to reality.

The cold edge of the sword had clearly touched the nape of my neck. If I didn’t dodge, it truly would’ve struck a vital spot.

But then why… why didn’t I try to avoid it?

I blinked blankly. My insides burned, and my mouth tasted sweet from exhaustion—I’d only just realized that now.

When I felt the blade burrowing in so close—

Instead of dodging, I relaxed my body so it could pierce my throat more easily. I shut my eyes, waiting for the cold touch of steel.

Unbelievably, I had habitually prepared for death.

A habit of meeting death not with desperation, but with calm acceptance.

That habit had made my body go limp unconsciously in the face of death.

What kind of insane habit is that…

The thought of dying rather than surviving came to me first at the brink of death.

“Heh…”

A hollow laugh escaped.

If someone could read my thoughts, they’d definitely say I was insane.

I haven’t even been cursed yet. If I die now, maybe I’ll be able to die for good. Worst case, I’ll regress again. Just like the hundreds of times before—those miserable regressions.

So maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try again this time…

The depression I’d barely held back overflowed like a broken dam and soaked my whole being.

“Hahaha… ha!”

When I suddenly burst out laughing, Ethan Behemoth’s already displeased expression grew darker.

“Edith Crowell.”

He leaned in. There wasn’t even a hand’s breadth between our faces. He was far too close.

“You’re laughing? What the hell do you think you did right?”

“Hahaha… ah. Just…”

I barely stifled the laughter and closed my eyes tightly.

My mind was a mess.

What’s the point of living this way? Can this even be called living?

Wasn’t I just enduring all this for the sake of a predetermined death…?

And this nauseating helplessness.

Now I understood.

Ethan Behemoth was the type who loathed that kind of powerlessness—that’s why he didn’t give me the death I expected.

And he probably never would.

The question I had tried to suppress rose to my throat. I opened my eyes slowly and met his gaze.

“…Why didn’t you follow through?”

Finally, I saw Ethan Behemoth’s cold eyes clearly.

His eyes were a deep, glossy navy blue—so dark that they seemed to reflect my own bright yellow ones.

Even I couldn’t read my own eyes at times…

Yet he was looking straight into them. Like someone staring at something they can’t understand, but refuses to look away.

As if someday, by doing so, they might come to understand it.

He made a short, dismissive remark.

“Knew it. You were trying to die again. That’s why I didn’t go all out.”

His expression was twisted—somehow painfully so.

Looking at his face, I couldn’t bring myself to say “You’re right.” So naturally, a lie slipped from my lips.

“…No.”

“You could’ve dodged.”

“No. I was out of mana.”

It wasn’t like I intended to die during that sparring match.

Maintaining a shameless expression, I pushed away the sword that had been embedded beside me. Ethan Behemoth slowly pulled his sword out of the ground.

But he didn’t move his body off of mine, so I couldn’t get up.

He muttered in an annoyed tone.

“You must think I’m an idiot.”

“Of course not.”

“You even closed your eyes.”

“I was completely drained.”

“Try saying something that actually makes sense.”

“……”

No excuse seemed to work.

I rolled my eyes and looked back at him before pulling out my final weapon.

“You know… at this rate, I might not be able to participate in tomorrow’s expedition. And whose fault is that, I wonder…?”

“……”

“Who was the one who begged me for a sparring match when I said no?”

Only then did he go quiet.

But the fact that I had such a habit of giving up in the face of death was a problem.

Now that I’d resolved to live this life properly, looking like someone who might die at any moment probably wasn’t good.

But maybe it’s already too late.

I glanced sideways at Ethan Behemoth, whose hardened expression was full of dissatisfaction.

“…Rather than stand there, would you help me up?”

Time to change the subject.

“……”

I shamelessly held out my hand to him. Ethan Behemoth stared at it for a moment, then grabbed it and pulled me up.

“Ugh.”

The strength with which he pulled made my body wobble like a paper doll. As I stood upright, he said in a low voice:

“We sparred, like we agreed. Don’t forget to take that with you.”

From the side of the training ground, the elixir bottle gleamed between the seams of the leather bag.

“Thank you. Then, during the subjugation training…”

I turned away without hesitation and picked up the bag. Just as I was about to head out of the training ground—

‘……’

…A thought came to me—one I felt I’d regret not saying now.

I stopped mid-step and glanced back.

Ethan Behemoth was cleaning his longsword. Sensing my gaze, he looked up.

“Got something to say?”

“…By the way, do you… perhaps…”

“What?”

“…not have any friends?”

“……”

Ethan Behemoth’s expression shifted like he couldn’t believe I’d just asked that. I quickly added an explanation.

“Why did you ask to spar with me, of all people?”

I had no idea what he meant when he said it was the only chance to spar. Was it because I wasn’t placed in the same group as him during the expedition?

“I heard you can use magic without a staff.”

He sheathed his now-clean sword as he answered simply.

With a click, I unconsciously looked at his sword and asked again.

“Then why didn’t you come sooner…?”

“I was busy. But luckily, you caused a scene again yesterday.”

“Ah.”

Right.

It must’ve been triggered by my panic when I tried to regress again.

See? This is why being noticeable is a problem.

Just as I was clicking my tongue internally and raising my head, our eyes met again.

He was looking straight at me.

“That just made me even more curious.”

…Not good.

“Using magic without a staff is just that. I don’t have a huge mana pool or anything.”

I quickly changed the topic.

Most mages can’t use magic properly without a conduit like a staff. But I can use it with just hand gestures, eye movements—or even just intent.

It’s probably that talent which caught his attention. It’s a natural gift I had even before the curse.

But that wasn’t what mattered.

“…Then if we were in the same group…”

“I was definitely going to ask to spar at the campsite.”

“Oh god.”

He’s insane. My headache grew worse, maybe just from the idea.

Who the hell gets sent on a monster subjugation and ends up sparring with the other trainees?

And that lunatic was right in front of me.

Even though he called it “sparring,” based on how things went today, Ethan Behemoth had clearly given it his all.

Just thinking about the sword that almost struck my neck earlier…

He took a step closer and said something absurd.

“Would you consider learning the sword?”

“Absolutely not.”

I shook my head and stepped back.

“Why not?”

“……”

Ethan Behemoth leaned in close.

His eyes were gleaming like a beast that had suddenly come alive again.

A true battle maniac.

But I wasn’t about to fall for it.

I lightly pushed his shoulder and moved the other way.

“Because I don’t have the stamina.”

From behind, I heard him yell:

“Put a little more effort into your excuses!”

“…You know it’s not an excuse, don’t you? After that sparring match?”

It really wasn’t just an excuse.

I had tested every possible field to see where I had potential—and swordsmanship definitely wasn’t it.

That sword technique I showed to that Chester guy yesterday? That was my limit.

A fundamental difference between someone like me and a monster like Ethan Behemoth.

As I was lost in those thoughts, I heard him say behind me:

“…Will you do it?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’ll take that as a yes.”

“…What?”

Huh? What did he just say?

I replied reflexively to something I didn’t even hear properly.

Before I realized it, Ethan Behemoth was already walking ahead of me.

His navy-blue eyes, glancing back lazily, glimmered like a sleepy predator.

“Mana, stamina. You can train all of it.”

“…What did you say?”

I didn’t catch that.

When I blankly looked at him, Ethan Behemoth paused by the training ground doors.

“Didn’t hear me?”

“No.”

“…Starting after the subjugation training, you’ll do stamina training with me every morning.”

“…Excuse me?”

“I’ll be looking forward to it.”

He clearly saw I wasn’t paying attention!

Ignoring my stunned expression, Ethan Behemoth left the training ground.

And I could’ve sworn—I saw him… smiling.

“Wait! Hold on…!”

I called out belatedly, but he was already gone.

He got my answer by tricking me, and now he’s acting like we had a deal.

“…Ha.”

His black hair shimmered like an illusion in my mind.

“I said… I won’t do it…”

I muttered at the empty air, dumbfounded.

I was left all alone in the ruined training ground.