Episode 4
Where am I?
I thought I opened my eyes, but I couldn’t see or feel anything.
<Ren. My child…>
A faint, fading voice echoed from somewhere far away.
Mother? Mother, are you here?
But no matter how much I called, there was no answer.
Feeling strangely dazed, I followed the direction of the voice. After walking for a long while, someone else called my name from behind.
<Suilen.>
…Hayden?
It was the person I had longed for even in my dreams, yet strangely, his face didn’t come to mind.
I asked him nervously.
Where are you? What is this place?
<Can’t you at least call me properly while we’re in the Cayenne Knights?>
What? I’m asking you where we are…
<If you want me to speak politely to you,>
?
Before I could snap at him, his next words silenced me.
<Why don’t you start by addressing me correctly, Count Segynable?>
It was my voice, but not words I wanted to say.
This was a conversation I’d had with Hayden the very first day I reported for duty at the Cayenne Knights.
<Do you have a preferred form of address?>
<Mister.>
<Here, I am Captain of the Knights. Would “Sir” not do?>
I said something back, and then Hayden’s sigh echoed in my ears.
And then silence.
“……”
I strained to listen, craning my neck toward the faint light.
Hayden. It really is you, isn’t it? What are you trying to do now?
I shouted sharply, but no reply came.
The thought “Is this my life flashing before my eyes?” flickered in my mind, then vanished.
As I wandered, lost, voices kept calling my name.
Family. Servants of the house. People from the Academy. My master. Strangers whose names I barely remembered…
Voices appeared, then disappeared.
How long did this go on?
Just when I felt like collapsing, Hayden’s voice returned—this time completely his, deep and masculine.
<Suilen. Are you hurt?>
I knew it was just an illusion created by my memory, but I answered in a weary voice:
“Do I look fine to you? I just died.”
And I’d been wandering endlessly besides.
As soon as I muttered this, a blinding white light engulfed everything.
“Ugh!”
The light was so strong it should’ve burned my eyes blind.
This voice was different from all the others—it rang clearly from inside my head.
Who was that? The tone was so familiar…
“Hayden. Is that you?”
Laughter drifted through the void.
Like a rainstorm, dozens of voices poured out at once.
<No.>
<Yes. That too is one of my names.>
“Yes? Damn it, because of you I—!”
I tried to grab Hayden, but froze in place.
“…?”
I waved my hands in front of me, but saw nothing.
Even my body was nothing but light.
“What’s happening to me?”
I remembered dying—but this didn’t feel like heaven.
Then… was it hell? The thought had barely formed when the voices spoke again.
“Not hell? …Then who are you?”
Instinctively, I spoke in honorifics.
It felt exactly like the time I’d taken the mid-level priest exam.
With uneasy eyes, I glanced upward. Voices of overwhelming majesty poured from every direction.
Their many voices overlapped, resonating inside my skull.
“Seellus… the God of Light?”
I’d heard fragments of divine voices before, during priest exams, but I was no high priest. How could I be speaking to a god now?
As if reading my thoughts, the god answered kindly.
“Ah.”
I hesitated, brushing back my hair awkwardly.
“So it’s true. I really did die.”
The moment I accepted my death, an unfamiliar sense of peace washed over me.
Warm. Drowsy. Comforting.
I forced my lips to move against the pull of sleep and asked:
“My Lord… how could this happen? How did the Goddess of Darkness appear again? When did Blier deceive us?”
I tilted my head. Normally I processed information quickly, but my mind felt sluggish.
“And what does that have to do with me?”
If Cairo was set on slaughter, why were Hayden and I the first targets?
The god understood my meaning instantly.
<Because you slew her children, and you turned her darkness into light.>
“Ah. I see.”
Yes, that made sense.
My work had been purifying lands tainted by Cairo’s power, while Hayden hunted her priests and stripped away their magic.
So it was punishment for offending her.
I yawned and rubbed my lips.
The exhaustion was crushing.
“Fair enough. But… so what? What does any of this matter now?”
Whether demons appeared, or the Goddess herself, whether countless mortals died—none of it felt connected to me anymore.
After all, I was dead.
The dead can’t stop what happens in the living world.
But just as my head tipped back, thunderous rebuke crashed down from the heavens.
<You fool! Did I not tell you to awaken?>
<Would you throw away the time that child bought for you?>
“Ow…”
I jerked upright, blurting something like “No, sir,” as panic cleared the drowsiness from my mind.
My head felt crystal clear, and the sleepiness vanished.
Even though it wasn’t sound through my ears, the voice felt like it might shatter my eardrums.
Gods. Did I really just doze off while a god was speaking to me?
I quickly clasped my hands together in prayer.
“My Lord, forgive me. But… what qualification do I have to be given a chance?”
I couldn’t even complete the spell Hayden had prepared for me.
As I bowed my head in shame, a gentle voice descended.
<My child. You are worthy. That robe itself called us forth, did it not?>
“Ah. Right. My robe.”
The tattered thing I’d worn when I died?
Never mind how…
I rolled my eyes downward, then carefully lifted them again.
“But, my Lord… isn’t summoning you into the human world a violation of the sacred covenant?”
<Yes. It is forbidden to mortals.>
“……”
I decided to pretend I hadn’t heard that.
Instead of admitting fault, I asked another question.
“My Lord, what was the spell I failed to complete before I died?”
Impossible.
Cold sweat trickled down my back.
The sacred covenant was supposed to be an old myth.
Whoever broke it—god or mortal—was said to suffer eternal punishment in the deepest abyss.
And that insane bastard…
So Hayden hadn’t been trying to save me, but to save the world—and drag me down with him.
I clenched my luminous lips and ground my teeth.
“My Lord. Then… what happened to Hayden? If these spells violated the ancient covenant, will he be punished too?”
I prayed not.
After all, I was the one who powered the spell with my divine energy. To mortals, Hayden wasn’t guilty.
After a pause, the god replied.
“Ah. That’s… a relief. Then… am I the one to be punished in his place?”
Again, I prayed not.
After all, Hayden had made the spell. To mortals, I wasn’t guilty.
Fortunately, the god’s voice was still merciful.
<You still have a chance, my knight.>
<This should have been his task, but you are also worthy.>
The overlapping voices blurred, and I caught only the last part: I wouldn’t be punished, but I’d have to continue Hayden’s work.
But… why me?
“Wait, Lord Seellus!”
I cried out, frustration sharpening my voice.
“What do you mean, only I must do it? It was Hayden who rooted out the darkness—I hardly contributed!”
“And summoning you here, even my being in this place—most of that was Hayden’s ability, not mine!”
“And if I defy the Goddess of Darkness, won’t I be punished?”
<No.>
That couldn’t be true. The Goddess of Darkness was vengeance itself.
Hadn’t I already been slain by her followers today?
