Chapter 15
…What was that just now?
When I opened my eyes, I saw the same complete darkness as usual.
This is my reality.
As I felt a strange sense of relief, I tried to get up—only for my nerves to scream in pain. A groan escaped my lips from the agony.
“Ugh…”
All my muscles were sore. I must’ve overworked my body running through the cold forest and dodging that bear.
Still… what was that girl I saw in the dream? Why is her face and name so blurry?
Was I not alone when I died? What happened to her? Didn’t all my past life memories return?
Just as confusion started clouding my thoughts, I caught a scent that immediately calmed my nerves.
I focused on the smell.
‘This warm and fresh scent… lilac?’
I used to sell herbs at the market when my parents were sick, so I recognized the scent of lilac very well.
From somewhere, I heard the soft sound of firewood collapsing in a wall-mounted fireplace.
It wasn’t loud, but in the quiet room, it was enough to break the silence. At the same time, the warm air melted the coldness deep inside my chest.
I also smelled peppermint—sharp and clear—very close by.
I didn’t need to turn my head to know. Russell was by my side.
“Answer me.”
A voice chilled with coldness rang out. I guess he hadn’t gotten over what happened in the forest.
“Why did you go to that forest?”
“I already explained everything.”
I felt exhausted. Didn’t we finish this conversation? Why is he pushing so hard? Is there something he desperately wants to hide?
‘That gravestone still bothers me, but even if I asked what it was, he wouldn’t tell me.’
I touched my aching forehead. Cold sweat clung to my skin. Just thinking about the feeling when I touched that gravestone made my stomach turn.
It felt like my entire identity flipped inside out. I didn’t want to recall it again.
What was that gravestone?
While I was lost in my thoughts, Russell spoke again with a sarcastic tone.
“So, doing your duty as the duchess meant digging into my past?”
His voice dripped with sarcasm.
Hearing that, my grip on the blanket tightened.
“Then what do I get to know about you?”
“…What?”
Russell seemed startled.
“If you truly wanted me to know nothing, you should’ve cut off my legs and locked me up.”
Ah. That was a mistake.
Maybe I was still shaken from the dream of that starving girl. But the words just came out on their own.
Still, it was my honest truth.
“I agreed to be a puppet duchess, but I never said I’d be an ignorant one.”
In my past and present lives, I suffered too much from being forced into ignorance.
Living in a slum, in rotting wooden buildings, seeing only a thin sliver of light.
Being blind, with different blood, I was harshly treated by the Duchess Charlotte and my sister. Those days left scars I could never erase.
I didn’t want to stay powerless and clueless anymore. I wanted to take a step forward and change.
I didn’t want to be a duchess who knew nothing.
“I just wanted to learn about the place where I’ll live as a duchess. If you’re going to keep lecturing me, I’d prefer if you leave.”
What does Russell think of me?
Does he think I stepped into his territory without permission and acted shamelessly? Or… something else?
His silence dragged on.
As the quiet weighed down like a heavy stone, the lavender scent in the room—calming and soft—began to fade. It must’ve been linked to his magic.
Finally, after a long silence, he spoke.
“Fiana, let me ask you one thing.”
“Yes?”
“Was it truly by chance that you ended up at that gravestone?”
“It was a coincidence.”
Russell fell silent again. But this time, the silence didn’t feel as heavy.
It felt more like he was seriously trying to judge whether I was telling the truth.
‘Technically, it wasn’t a complete coincidence. But I can’t show all my cards yet.’
Russell saved my life, but he still hasn’t fully trusted me. He hasn’t told me everything about his magic either.
‘Russell’s magic doesn’t just bloom flowers—it can make entire plants grow.’
He’s only shown small examples like blooming or binding with vines, but his magic can be used in much bigger ways. Which means he’s still holding back, not fully trusting me.
‘So I won’t tell him that I talked to the trees or that the gravestone stirred something deep in me.’
I heard movement close by. When I tried to pull away, Russell stepped closer to the bed. I flinched and stuttered.
“What are you doing?”
“I admit defeat.”
“…Huh?”
He suddenly admitted defeat? What’s he planning?
While I was caught off guard, he gently placed his hand over mine.
‘It’s warm…’
I thought it’d be cold, but his hand gave off a cozy warmth.
‘Again…’
As his palm touched the back of my hand, a bittersweet, ticklish feeling spread through my chest.
Just as I was about to get lost in the unfamiliar sensation, he spoke gently.
“Fiana, I’ll grant you one wish. But don’t go back there. Ever.”
Does he want to stop me that badly from returning to that place? I tilted my head, confused, and he added,
“I don’t want anyone going there. That’s why I hid the grave deep in a place no one would find.”
“Even I need a place to breathe, don’t I?”
Russell gave a dry laugh.
“That question’s a little cruel. Now I know how you see me.”
Even if he’s called the “monster duke,” I didn’t think he’d need a place to breathe.
‘To Russell, that forest must be his breathing space. I didn’t think someone like him needed something like that… but I guess he does.’
I nodded.
“Alright. I’m sorry.”
“No need.”
Russell gently touched my sore wrist. I nearly cried out in pain, but barely held it in.
He answered,
“I’m the one who overreacted. Sorry about that. Did it hurt a lot?”
“Huh? Oh… I’m okay now.”
“I see… That’s good to hear.”
His unexpected words made me blink my unseen eyes.
A person’s voice changes depending on the emotions behind it. Right now, his voice carried feelings of regret, sorrow, and self-blame.
I was puzzled.
‘And this… is it sadness? It’s so faint, I almost missed it.’
Regret and guilt, I could understand. But why sadness? Was it because a scar might ruin his fiancée’s image? Or maybe he was worried people would find out he had hit someone?
Just as I was feeling confused, he spoke again—like he wanted to put an end to all the questions inside me.
“Anyway, when are you going to tell me what you want?”
“Sorry?”
“Didn’t I say I’d grant you one wish? Anything at all—just say it.”
I thought hard.
He had said he’d grant me one wish, but in truth, what I could ask for was very limited. If I didn’t want to regret this chance later, I had to use it wisely.
I couldn’t ask about the gravestone. After all, the deal was that he’d grant me a wish if I promised never to return there.
The thing I wished for most was to fix my eyesight—but that was probably impossible. If there had been a way, the duchy would’ve already tried it long ago.
I was curious about the North, but Asha had already explained the structure of the castle, and I figured others would tell me more in time.
Then, suddenly, a good idea came to mind.
“Lord Russell.”
I felt his gaze on me. With a trembling voice, I spoke my wish.
There was only ever one thing I truly wished for, as someone who couldn’t see.
