Chapter 1. My Child Has Died

When I opened my eyes after a long sleep, the dawn light was breaking.

I could hear the sound of someone breathing softly beside me.

I looked at the man who shared my bed.

The bluish light from the window fell across his face. Half his face was bright, the other half hidden in shadow.

The shadow under his long eyelashes made his face look more mysterious.

He was once my husband, a beautiful man who looked like he could never do anything cruel.

But I knew the terrible sin this man had committed.

My eyes turned to the calendar on the wall. It showed exactly seven years ago.

A dry breath escaped my lips.

I did it. It worked.

With the help of an unknown sorcerer, I had returned to the past—seven years ago.

I came back for one reason only: to save my child who had died so suddenly.

I quietly dressed in the clothes my past self had left on the chair. The man didn’t wake up, even when I opened the door.

Before closing the door, I looked at him one last time.

“Henderson. Forget what happened last night. You and I will never meet again.”

This time, I would not marry him.

My lovely child had died without a clear reason.

The nanny said that suddenly, the baby couldn’t breathe.

The doctor was called quickly, but by the time he arrived, my child had already passed away.

I only heard the news after I returned from a banquet at the Imperial Palace.

When the maid first told me, I couldn’t believe it.

“Don’t lie. Where’s Eddie? I have to see him.”

I ran toward the separate house where his room was.

My legs shook so badly that I almost fell many times. At one point, I collapsed in the hallway. If a maid hadn’t helped me, I might never have reached his room.

At last, I entered his room. Eddie was lying quietly on the bed.

He looked peaceful, too peaceful. He didn’t look like someone who had died.

“No… Eddie can’t be dead.”

I whispered like a madwoman and sat down on the bed. I looked closely at his face.

His soft black hair, pale skin, long eyelashes… my sweet Eddie.

“Eddie. Mommy’s late, I’m sorry. The Emperor kept talking… Eddie, wake up. Let’s go eat your favorite chocolate snacks, okay?”

I gently shook his small shoulder.

Eddie was usually such a light sleeper that even the smallest sound would wake him. But today, strangely, he didn’t wake.

I called his name again and again.

“Eddie.”

That was when I noticed—his chest didn’t rise and fall.

There was no breath.

I put my fingers under his nose and lips. My hand trembled like a leaf.

No air. Not even the softest breath.

“…!”

A horrible word spun in my head.

Death. Death. Death…

I screamed his name until my voice broke, hoping his eyes would open.

But nothing happened.

Only silence answered me.

My tears covered his whole face, and finally, I fainted.

No, it had to be a nightmare.

Things between Henderson and me had been so bad lately, that maybe I dreamed it.

I had to fix my relationship with him—for Eddie’s sake.

That was my first thought when I woke up.

As soon as my husband Henderson returned from his trip, I would tell him:

“Let’s stop sleeping in separate rooms.”

It had already been a year since we slept apart. If this continued, our marriage might never heal.

But then I remembered Henderson’s cold face the first time he rejected me.

“Riley, tonight I’ll sleep in another room.”

And the next day. And the next. And even a month later—he never came back.

Our once warm room, filled with nightly conversations, became silent and cold.

The memory hurt so much, I could barely think about it.

“…My lady, are you alright?”

It was my maid, Matilda.

I pressed my temple with my fingers.

“How long was I asleep?”

“About thirty minutes.”

“And Eddie? I need to see Eddie.”

Matilda’s face fell. She spoke slowly, as if the words hurt.

“Young Master… has passed away.”

“What? No. Yesterday he was talking to me just fine. He can’t be dead.”

But I remembered.

I remembered his pale face on the bed.

The face of someone without life.

“….”

Matilda said nothing.

Her silence cut me deeper than any words.

Pain spread from my temple across my forehead.

I jumped out of bed and rushed to the separate house.

My heavy dress tangled around my feet and made me stumble again and again.

The maids whispered, but I ignored them. I had to reach Eddie.

In his room, the doctor was waiting. Eddie still lay on the bed.

It didn’t take long to see the truth.

He wasn’t breathing. His small hands were colder now.

I would never hold his warm hands again.

I would never hear his sweet baby talk again.

I would never see my reflection in his bright eyes again.

His sudden death wasn’t a dream.

It was real.

“No… I can’t believe it…”

I screamed. I begged. I even slapped the doctor, demanding him to bring my child back.

But nothing changed.

“Mommy! Eddie loves Mommy so much!”

The voice of my child—who loved me more than anything—was gone forever.

It felt like I was falling into a bottomless pit, where no salvation existed.

On the day of the funeral, it rained.

The rain started early in the morning and grew heavier as the hours passed.

It felt like the sky was crying for my child, and that gave me a little comfort.

But it was only a small comfort, not true salvation.

Henderson returned only at the end of the funeral.

As Duke of Graham, he had been sent by the Emperor to stay in a neighboring country.

The funeral was held in the largest temple in the capital.

I stared at Henderson as he walked toward the altar, where Eddie’s tiny coffin rested.

He was soaked, as if he hadn’t bothered with an umbrella.

Water dripped from his hair down his pale cheeks, but he didn’t wipe it away.

He stood there for a long time, looking down at Eddie’s small, lifeless body.

His eyes looked empty, lost.

Even when the coffin was lowered into the ground, he didn’t cry.

Not a single tear fell.

He only looked hollow, not sorrowful. At least, that’s how it seemed to me.

Even if you hate me, he was your child too. Why aren’t you grieving?

I wanted to scream that at him, but I stayed silent.

I had cried too much already. I was weak and exhausted.

I had no strength left to fight with Henderson.

Throughout the funeral, we didn’t speak a single word to each other.

Sometimes he looked at me with strange eyes, but I didn’t know what he was thinking.

That night, the rain finally stopped.

The whole mansion was asleep, but I lay curled on my bed, blinking slowly.

My body was heavy with exhaustion, but I couldn’t sleep.

My baby was buried in the cold ground. How could I sleep in comfort?

Even rest felt like a luxury.

“Eddie…”

I whispered his name, knowing no answer would come.

And I thought about two things: his sudden death, and Henderson’s coldness.