Chapter 153Â
I answered in a voice that sounded a little more cynical than I intended.
âNo, blaming something that happened more than ten thousand years ago just feels pathetic. If you go that far, you might as well blame the creation of this entire world.â
And honestly, I should also blame the fact that this world ended up being recorded as a book in the world I originally lived in. Thatâs the reason I ended up possessed here in the first place.
So, digging up things from thousands of years ago and pointing fingers didnât mean much to me. This world had been fundamentally wrong from the start.
âIf I really had to blame something, then I guess itâs just my bad luck that I happened to have a teleportation allergy.â
ââŠ.â
Winter slowly pulled out the silver knife that had been stuck in the letter. The blade looked black, as if it had been soaked in poison.
He walked toward me. His expression was hard to read. Normally, when his past was mentioned, he would show at least a flicker of guilt or regret. This time, there was none of that.
He reached out a hand to me, as if asking me to take it.
I wasnât on the ground or in a situation where I needed help, so I didnât really understand why. But since he held it out, I grabbed it anyway.
Then Winter smiled and said,
âIâve sometimes wondered⊠compared to the time I still have ahead of me, is the time Iâve already lived short or long?â
The feeling of his hand was strange.
Looking closely, I noticed a scar on his hand, shaped exactly like the knife he had been holding earlier. It looked like a burn scar.
âWhether you take a step forward, step back, or just sit stillâŠÂ
Even such small choices might change the world. Thinking that way, the countless years Iâve lived might actually be very short compared to the countless years I havenât lived yet.â
The scar on his hand had the same rose-vine pattern engraved on the silver knife. But soon, the wound slowly healed.
âEven just from rough calculations, all the time Iâve lived and all the choices Iâve faced arenât even a tenth of the possible scenarios that exist. The day I realized thatâŠâ
Winter swallowed his words. I thought, maybe that was the day he first felt like giving up on life. Forcing a brighter tone, I shook my head.
âNo way, that canât be true.â
âBut it was the undeniable truth. Izana, even the smallest, most trivial things can change everything. Like how you took my hand just now, without hesitation.â
There was a flash of relief, almost freedom, in his eyes.
âWhat do you meanâŠ?â
Winter kissed the back of my hand lightly and smiled.
âMany things between us will change.â
With that, he let go of my hand and left the room. I just stood there, staring blankly at his back.
His hand had been cold. And now that I thought about it, so were his lips.
âThe Grand Duke must not even see me at allâŠâ
Lottie muttered behind me, but I stayed frozen in place for a long time.
Time passed. The seasons changed four times.
And thenâit was time for me to leave.
Clatter.
âJosef, eat faster. Youâre going to be late!â
âBrother, we donât leave until the afternoon. I can eat a little slower.â
In the Rohia family townhouse, breakfast was bustling as usual.
At the head seat, where the family head should sit, Yudis was sitting instead. On either side of her sat Boris and Josef.
Children grow fast.
Both Boris and Josef had grown more than a handâs length taller. Boris, who used to be rough and impulsive, had calmed down somewhat.
At mealtimes, he used to slam his utensils down loudly, but now his movements were gentler. He used to hate vegetables, but ever since he started growing crops himself at the palace garden, he thought his labor was too precious to wasteâso he began eating carrots and cucumbers raw. Now, he ate vegetables without complaint.
Josefâs brick-red eyes had darkened closer to true red, showing sharper intelligence. And he smiled more often. Both boys did.
Yudis knew why they had changed.
ââŠMom.â
Boris set his utensils down carefully, watching her expression.
âAre you feeling okay?â
But Yudis herself was the opposite.
She slept poorly every night, smiled less, and her eyes were always bloodshot. Her face was tight with nervousness.
Part of it was because her health had collapsed after giving birth to Yubel with sheer willpower, despite her weak body. But that wasnât the only reason.
She had finally ousted Bern Rohia and taken the family headâs seat for herself.
She had always longed for power in the family. She had been treated unfairly, never good enough in her fatherâs eyes. She had sworn she would take control so no one could ever push her around again.
And she had done it. ButâŠ
âMom, I thought about it. I really want to go to a swordsmanship academy.â
For some reason, she wasnât happy. She was anxious.
ââŠA swordsmanship academy?â
âYes. You once said it was a good idea, remember? I only gave up before because of my father, but⊠I really want to go.â
She thought she had gained everything, but in reality, it was all like grains of sand slipping through her fingers.
Yudis forced a smile at Borisâs eager eyes.
âWhich academy do you want to go to?â
ââŠTo the Imperial Academy in the North.â
At the word âNorth Empire,â Yudis dropped her silver knife with a clatter.
Boris quickly grabbed her hand to check if she was hurt, then told the maid firmly, sounding almost grown-up,
âNo need to bring a new one, just pick that one up.â
Then he took her plate and cut her food into bite-sized pieces before placing it back in front of her.
âYou want to go⊠to the North Empire?â
Josef had already said he wanted to go to school there too. He hadnât even asked her permissionâhe had already taken the entrance exam for the North Empireâs Magic Academy, passed first place, and even got a full scholarship.
He was leaving next year. Without asking. Just telling her.
Josef had always been hard to control. And now it felt like he was slipping completely out of her reach.
And now Boris was saying he wanted to go too.
Of all places, to the North Empire.
There was only one reason.
âIs this⊠because of Izana?â
âW-what? No! Thatâs not it!â
Boris shook his head quickly, too obviously.
But then his eyes met Josefâs across the table. Josef, still chewing on a potato, smirked.
Clapping his hands together, Boris stammered,
ââŠItâs not really about her. Itâs justâJosef is going too, so as the older brother, I should look after him.â
Josef swallowed his potato, took a sip of water, and added casually,
âI am going because of Izana.â
âWhat?â
Boris panicked, but Josef only piled it on.
âShe lost to me at chess, at riddles, even at word games. But she said, all proud and smug, that she could beat me in a snowball fight. So, Iâm going there to win that snowball fight.â
ââŠA snowball fight?â
âYeah. And Iâll beat her.â
Hearing that, Borisâs eyes showed envy.
âWell, neither of you could ever beat me anyway. Itâd just be like comparing acorns.â
âThen you should come too, brother. If you can beat me, Iâll admit youâre the best.â
Their banter was cut short when Yudis set her utensils down with a sharp sound.
âJosef, leave. I need to speak with Boris alone.â
The two brothers froze. Her voice was stern.
âNow.â
Josef glanced at her once, then quietly set down his fork and stood. His reddish eyes flicked toward herâshe thought she saw a trace of mockery in them. She bit her lip.
Boris looked after him nervously, chewing his nails.
âM-mom, are you angryâŠ?â
Boris had always been devoted to her. Unlike Bern Rohia, who constantly scolded him, Yudis had always cheered for him and protected him.
But now⊠she felt like Borisâs priorities had changed. And in this moment, his eyes looked at her the same way he used to look at Bernâwith fear.
âBoris, my child.â
Yudis quickly knelt beside him, looking up at him with a gentle smile.
âDo you really need to go to the North Empire?â
ââŠ.â
Boris bit his lip and lowered his head.
Her voice grew sharper, panicked.
âYouâre meant to be the family head. You need to stay close and learn the familyâs work, not wander far away. There are plenty of sword academies in the Western Empire.â
âBut⊠donât all nobles say we should travel abroad and see the wider world?â
At his words, something in her mind snapped.
Had Izana put that idea in his head?
Izana was taking Boris away from her. He didnât look down on her anymore.
He had never once mentioned sword academies after Bern left on pilgrimageâuntil Izana was about to leave. And suddenly, he wanted to go too.
It was all because of that girl.
Izana.
The tumor that had grown in her belly was now eating away at the thing most precious to her.
Her head burned with the thought.
And then, at last, Yudis said the one thing she should never have said.
âBoris⊠youâre not really a Rohia.â