~Chapter 109~
âWhat a disaster!â
How am I supposed to go in there?
I collapsed face-first on the bed, unable to even scream.
The soft fabric of my nightgown drifted down over my calves.
This was the least embarrassing thing I could wearâafter desperately fighting off the head maid, who wanted to dress me up for a wedding night.
âCan you even call this clothing?â
Just remembering the outfits the head maid showed me made me dizzy.
None of those were âhonestâ outfitsâthey were downright dirty tricks!
Canât we just pretend to share the room? Just come out of the bedroom together in the morning?
But with the Holy Knights already in the territory, I knew I had to at least act properly.
Even if Captain Ista is fine, you never know if there are spies among the new Holy Knights.
They say the new recruits arenât close to the Pope, butâŠ
That just means there could be knights even Ista and I donât know mixed in.
A double-edged sword.
Right now, I really have to be careful with everything.
âBut still, sharing a bedroom right awayâŠâ
Maybe Iâll just tell the Duke to sleep on the bed, and Iâll take the floor.
âIâm losing my mind.â
But I canât just hide out forever.
I was squeezing my pillow, panicking and unable to go into the coupleâs bedroom, whenâ
Knock knock.
âElaine?â
A nervous voice, almost as anxious as mine, came with a gentle knock.
ââŠReina?â
Dazed, I called out as the bedroom door opened just a little.
Reina appeared, already changed from her formal dress into comfy indoor clothes.
She closed the door and walked over to me.
âI heard what happened. I wanted to sleep with you tonight.â
âShould I just ask for that? Just for one night, I want to talk with my sisterâŠâ
âI want that too, but your head maid is strict.â
Reina sat beside me. I unconsciously leaned on her shoulder and sighed.
âAre you nervous?â
ââŠItâd be a lie if I said I wasnât.â
âElaine, if the Duke ever touches you and you donât want him to, tell me. Iâll make him go baldâŠâ
âWhat? Did you learn that from Beth?â
âYeah, she says itâs the best punishment. Anyway, if he lays a hand on youâŠâ
âNo, I donât think thatâll happen.â
Even as I answered, I felt complicated.
Yeah, the Duke promised not to touch me, so it should be fineâŠ
I bit my lip nervously. Reina brushed my bangs back gently.
âI should have been the one here instead of you.â
Then she said something ominous.
I squinted at Reina.
ââŠReina.â
âYeah?â
âDo you get butterflies when you look at the Duke?â
âWhat are you talking about?â
I mean, from what you said, it almost sounds like âyour spot shouldâve been mine.â
âI have a fiancĂ©, you know.â
âYouâve only met him a few times⊠I mean, that southern navy guy.â
âStill, heâs my fiancĂ©.â
âIt was an arranged engagement before birth. You only met him once, thatâs why youâre not married yet.â
âElaine?â
âNow that I think about it, thatâs annoying. Why hasnât he even sent a proposal? Break up with him. Actually, waitâwait until youâre back in the capitalâŠâ
âCalm down. Even if I break up with him, I never felt excited about the Duke.â
Her gentle tone told me she loved me but thought I was being silly.
âYou should try matching me with Captain Ista, like when we were kids.â
ââŠâ
âAnd if the Duke had wanted me, like you said, things wouldâve been easier.â
âEasier?â
âThen you wouldnât have to carry such a heavy burden.â
What is she talking about?
I rolled my eyes and answered.
âReina, donât forget all of this started because of me.â
âLetting those innocent princesses go free isnât a mistakeâitâs justice.â
âBut the Emperor got mad. I almost ruined your life.â
âYou didnât ruin anything.â
Reina took a deep breath.
âElaine. This might sound strange, butâŠâ
She gave a bittersweet smile.
âSometimes I wished you were really my little brother.â
I looked at Reinaâs face.
âThere were times I wished I could pick out a tuxedo or menâs uniform for you instead of a wedding dress.â
ââŠ.â
âSo that I wouldnât feel so guilty.â
âReina.â
âBecause if you didnât have to pretend, if you didnât have to be a knight or trick anyone, I wouldnât have to feel so uncomfortable seeing you struggle.â
ââŠ.â
âI know the trouble youâve caused was probably from all that pressure.â
Reinaâs lashes fluttered at me.
âSo, in short⊠I just hated feeling guilty whenever I saw you.â
ââŠ.â
âIsnât that selfish?â
âReina.â
âSo really, Iâm the one who made a mess of things.â
I quickly shook my head.
âNo. It never felt selfish at all.â
ââŠ.â
âHonestly, sometimes I wished I was really a boy too.â
A long time ago, I did.
Then at least the boys would have accepted me.
I might have made more friends or even married early.
I used to think that was possible.
But nowâŠ
âI donât think that way at all anymore.â
Why is that?
Actually, I knew the answer.
âI donât think itâs foolish.â
âEven if you were a Holy Knight, a Saint, or the Popeâs illegitimate childâŠâ
Karl, who accepted me crossdressing without question.
And the Duke, who said it didnât matter who I was.
âI guess realizing I was reincarnated helped tooâŠâ
Those words comforted me more than I realized.
âMaybe coming here was a good thing after all.â
Suddenly, I felt calm. My heart, which had almost jumped out of my mouth, settled down.
âYou didnât ruin anything.â
ââŠ.â
âAnd neither did I.â
Because the mess I made brought me here.
And I met good people because of it.
Reina smiled faintly.
It was like she wanted me to realize that nothing was ruined.
âThe Duke⊠heâs a much better person than I expected. You donât need to worry.â
She smiled more.
âI thought so too.â
âYou thought so?â
âActually, I used to hate him. I even rushed here because of what Beth wrote in her letter.â
I could guess what Beth wrote.
She must have complained about the Duke a lot.
âBut earlier⊠Sorry, I didnât mean to eavesdrop.â
âYou heard us?â
âI was looking for you and heard your balcony conversation.â
âŠWhat?
She heard all those embarrassing things?
I could tell, because Reinaâs face was a little red.
âAnd I saw you and the Duke coming out togetherâŠâ
What did we look like?
I wanted to ask, but Reina just smiled more softly and gently than before.
âEarlier, I said Iâd make the Duke pay if he touched you, Elaine.â
âBut honestly, I think you were right. I donât think he would.â
âMaybe, heâs actually worth trusting a little.â
ââŠ.â
âHe seems like a better person than I thought.â
Reina whispered quietly.
âAnd Elaine, even if you did mess up⊠so what?â
âYou can just take responsibility and move forward.â
As she left the room, Reinaâs eyes sparkled.
âThatâs always how youâve been.â
âReina.â
âSo hang in there.â
ââŠ.â
Thud.
The door closed gently.
I sat on the bed for a while, then stood up.
âThatâs right.â
I just have to take responsibility and move on.
Going into the bedroom isnât a big deal.
âJust hold hands and sleep. Thatâs all.â
With that thought, I stepped toward the bedroomâŠ
* * *
âŠI couldnât do it. Suddenly I was running through the night streets.
Tap tap tap! My footsteps echoed loudly.
âItâs not because Iâm embarrassed. Really.â
Just imagining holding hands and sleeping made me feel all fluttery and awkwardânot that Iâd admit it!
But why was I running through the streets?
âThis way! This way!â
Eliza pointed, panting, toward a dark alley.
And from thereâ
âAaaaah!â
âArgh!â
Cries and screams echoed out.
Among them, I heard Zeonâs voice.
it almost went comedic before last chapter lol
scene change?