chapter 14
I stood up. Then I stepped back. It was just a small, hesitant move—but how did it look to Schloitz?
“No.”
“……”
“You heard it earlier… right? Our families… don’t get along. I can’t… just take the heir of a rival family… with me. And to be honest… your family is… a bit higher in rank. My family… would suffer too much for it.”
I was about to ask him to understand—when Schloitz suddenly grabbed my hand.
“…What if I give up my family name?”
My eyes shook with shock. I was completely taken aback.
He was serious. I wished it were just a desperate, emotional reaction to being pushed away. But Schloitz wasn’t like that. That meant… he had been thinking about this for a long time. How long had he been holding this thought inside?
“I’ll give up my name.”
“……”
“…Enri.”
I had thought I was the one hiding the truth from him… but maybe it was the other way around.
“……”
My mouth slowly went dry. And then, I realized. Forget proposals. Forget childhood memories. Right now, I had to destroy the sandcastle I built for my own happiness—with my own hands.
A noble who gives up their name is shunned by everyone.
If he followed me, the best he could become was a knight. He was incredibly gifted with the sword—maybe he could even become the captain of the Lefebvre family’s knights someday. But that’s it. That’s the limit.
Schloitz wasn’t some stone to be locked in a jewelry box. He was someone meant to become the sun, shining high in the sky.
If you’re not with me, the world ends. And so do I.
“You know… that if you give up your family name… you become a commoner.”
“……”
“And it’s not like… you’re strong or anything…. You’re actually… really weak, Schloitz.”
His jaw trembled slightly.
“You couldn’t even… protect me… from a monster…. And now you’re saying… you want to be my bodyguard?”
“……”
“You don’t want… to go back to your family… so I should… risk my life… for you instead?”
“That’s not what I meant!”
“Then what?”
I hid my trembling hands under my sleeves and said,
“If I bring you with me… even with all the trouble it would cause me… what… can you give me in return?”
“……”
“I didn’t know… doing you a favor here… would hurt the relationship between our families this much. I can’t… do whatever I want forever. So how much… do you expect me… to sacrifice?”
Words poured out of me without going through my head. And they all had one thing in common—they were words that could hurt Schloitz more than anything else. I had to make sure he’d never think of coming to the Siedo family again.
Then I realized something else. Even though he’d lost his sight, Schloitz’s other senses were sharp. If he noticed I was stepping back nervously, he might realize I was lying. He knew that I always spoke slowly when I was angry… or about to cry.
So, Schloitz… do you know I’m lying right now?
I clenched my hands. My nails dug painfully into my skin. I looked straight into his eyes and, using all my strength, moved my stiff tongue.
“Schloitz.”
I had to make it sound completely honest.
“Stop.”
You need to walk into hell and come out of it on your own. But I couldn’t say that cruel truth, so I ended up saying something even more cruel.
“This is why you lose everything… why even your family abandoned you.”
His eyes, which had been following me, froze. Then he slowly spoke.
“Then I have no choice but to believe what my uncle said.”
“……”
“You said… you didn’t save me just to use me.”
I saw a tear run down his cheek. It felt like a cold knife cutting through my chest.
“Did my feelings mean nothing to you?”
“……”
“Do you hate me that much too?”
My frozen hands wouldn’t move. My tongue felt like it had stopped working too.
Slowly, I turned around. I walked away, making sure each step sounded firm and confident—not hesitant. I was afraid that even the smallest pause would make Schloitz realize my words weren’t true.
And until the moment I left, I never looked back.
That… was our last goodbye.
