The ‘writer’s’ words were correct. The novel’s ‘pillar’ eventually made its appearance.
Ares and I stood embracing each other, and Leia, who was nearby, witnessed the scene. And she seemed to realize something. She was in love with Ares.
I had a huge misconception about the novel’s ‘pillar.’
The cherry blossom festival was not the ‘pillar.’ It was the realization of Leia’s feelings that turned out to be the ‘pillar.’
I felt like a fool. Even though I knew that the novel was unfolding from Leia’s first-person perspective, I was not focusing on what the ‘pillar’ truly meant for Leia.
Yes, I was wrong, and the ‘writer’ was right. The ‘pillar’ would somehow make its appearance in the novel.
A sudden wave of exhaustion swept through my entire body.
Yet, even in this moment, Leia, with her flushed face, was desperately trying to articulate her words.
“I, I didn’t know about that… Uh, so…”
The ‘pillar’ emerged. Leia realized her emotions. In the end, the progression of the novel remained unchanged.
Therefore, I would soon die.
And Ares would probably fall in love with Leia. The happy ending awaited Ares and Leia, two people.
From the depths of my heart, a sudden surge of profound sadness and anger erupted like a bursting fountain. The moment my eyes felt warm, tears rushed in rapidly.
With all my strength, I twisted my body to break free from Ares’s embrace.
“Bianca!”
Turning my head away, I forcibly removed Ares’s arms that clung to me. Suppressing the urge to burst into loud sobs, I pushed my way into the crowd.
“Wait! Bianca, please!”
Oh, I desperately wanted to quickly disappear into the crowd, but Ares stubbornly pursued me.
Go away, Ares! Go to the person you will eventually fall in love with!
A firm hand grabbed my arm. I shook it vigorously in an attempt to break free, but the hand holding me was unyielding.
Unable to shake off Ares, I led him through the crowd and into a narrow alley between buildings. As soon as we emerged into a less crowded area, Ares grabbed me and firmly held me with both hands.
“Look at me! Look at me only!”
Why are you calling out so desperately? Who is the person you really want to cry out to?
“Look at me! I’m looking at only you! Can’t you look at me too? What does Leia have to do with anything?”
What does Leia have to do with it? Well, you will soon be in love with her! Even if you confess to looking at only me now, you will eventually go to her!
Emotions surged within me, and at that moment when I was about to shout at him, I felt a certain gaze and turned my head towards the end of the alley.
“!”
That darn ‘author’!
She was standing at the end of the alley, looking at me and laughing! Moreover, she was shaking her hands in a disgustingly triumphant manner! As if she were bragging to me about her victory!
It felt like my whole body froze. I realized that while intense anger shoots up to the tip of my head, unlike the heated head, the body freezes cold.
“That woman… at the teahouse back then…!”
Ares also looked at the ‘author.’ Whatever he was thinking, he let go of the hand that held me tightly and started walking menacingly towards her with a distorted face.
Unintentionally, I grabbed Ares who was approaching the ‘author’ strongly.
Surprised by my sudden intervention, he paused. Meanwhile, with a mocking laughter, the ‘author’ swiftly disappeared at the end of the alley.
Why did I grab him?
Sure. I was afraid of Ares meeting the ‘author.’
I didn’t want sympathy from the ‘author’ by hearing that I would soon die. I was afraid that by learning the truth of this world, he would realize that his true fate is not me but Leia Saturanos. I was afraid of him discovering that my reason for guarding Leia was not some petty jealousy of the villainous supporting character who would monopolize the love of the male lead.
The strength drained from the hand that had held onto Ares as my arm dropped, and at the same time, my head followed suit. Unswallowed teardrops fell onto the dirt floor.
Instead of chasing after the ‘author,’ he turned towards me. His slightly cool hand gently enveloped my face.
“I know you’re hiding something. And that you have no intention of telling me about it.”
“…”
“Just one thing, I’ll ask. Do you hate me?”
How could I hate him? Even if it’s just a set emotion by the ‘author,’ the fact remains that I love him now, unable to move!
I silently looked into his eyes. Ares’ golden-brown eyes, full of swirling emotions, were moist like mine.
Ares continued with a voice that seemed heavily restrained.
“If not, then, just once, could you please believe in me? Do I seem like I’m lying to you? Do I feel like just another man playing tricks?”
If someone were to ask me what I would say if the other person confessed their love to me, knowing that the end is already predetermined, I wonder what I would say.
The situation presupposes an eventual separation. After loving the other person with all my heart, I would undoubtedly feel immense loss and sadness when facing the predetermined end. Knowing this, is there a need to intentionally endure it?
On the other hand, let’s say I consciously don’t give my best to the other person to avoid feeling that loss and sadness. Would there be a reason to start such a love in the first place?
I knew the fact that Ares and I would ultimately not be together. Whether he is captivated by Leia and leaves me, or I end my life before that happens.
As the novel progresses, Leia will continue to develop feelings for Ares, and eventually, Ares will respond to those feelings. The subplot character Bianca, who was an obstacle to Leia’s love and faced a tragic end, will exit through death.
Death, it’s all about death.
Sigh, this is why they say the cruelty of hope is the most brutal.
When I first heard from the ‘author’ that I would die, I accepted my fate and found comfort in it. However, after gaining hope that I might be able to topple the ‘pillar’ once, the desire to somehow live ignited within me.
Then, realizing that the hope was in vain, my heart became infinitely tormented and saddened. I found it much more bearable when there was no hope at all.
Once again, I must align the direction of my life with the fact that I will die soon.
Tsk tsk. This can be so empty. I had no thoughts, as if my heart were completely empty. Why bother eating or wearing clothes when I’m about to die? What’s the point of starting something like a relationship when you’re about to die?
With an expressionless face, I walked slowly towards the end of the alley. I didn’t know what was there, but anyway, the end was inevitable. Ares quietly followed behind me without asking anything.
I walked in the opposite direction of the people heading towards the square. Fortunately, it was just before nightfall, and with the cobblestone pavement, I could walk fairly well without bumping into people.
I walked in silence for a while, heading down a path where cherry blossoms were in full bloom, showering the road with flower petals. Looking at the white petals scattering before my eyes, I suddenly thought.
Those cherry blossoms, they disperse like that and disappear from this world before they even wither. Hoo hoo. My fate is like those cherry blossoms.
It was only then that I truly realised I had no time left.
Putting aside other issues, let’s think about myself for now. I recalled the mindset I had when I first accepted my death.
At that time, I decided to do what I wanted most and leave this world. To make the most of the remaining time, I pledged to love people without regrets.
With little time left, do I have the luxury to hesitate about what I want to do now? Instead, shouldn’t I be busy running around, trying to achieve as many unfulfilled things as possible?
I thought about Ares quietly following behind me.
The fact that I don’t have much time left means that if Ares leaves for Leia before I die, the time for me to be sad and in pain will be that much shorter, right? On the other hand, if I leave the world first, Ares will have Leia, his lifelong companion anyway. Even if the soon-to-die me selfishly loves him for a while and leaves, he probably won’t be sad for long.
… Can I accept his feelings?
If I become his lover, I could truly spend my last remaining time lavishing him with love. Pouring everything I have onto him, giving my heart completely without leaving any lingering attachments.
But then, what about Ares? When he eventually leaves for Leia, would he regret confessing so sincerely to someone who briefly passed by? If it were me, I would want to give my most precious love to a lifelong companion, not someone passing by.
… Let’s ask. Ask Ares.
