ILTDAMH | CHAPTER 19

Chapter 19

“I Need My Wife”

“Are you leaving because of the flood?”

Merxian, lying on the bed, turned her head to ask.

Ruan lay down at the far end of the same bed and replied,
“Yes, my lady. Which means… I’ll need to sleep next to you every night until I leave next week.”

He wanted to test one more time if his insomnia had anything to do with her presence.

“What? Oh… Since we won’t be sharing a bed for the next month. Right, that’s fine.”

After all, he usually slept at the edge of the bed—it didn’t matter much.

“How long will you be gone this time?”

“About two weeks, hopefully. But it might take longer.”

“Will your health hold up? I worry you might collapse like last time.”

“Are you worried about me now, my lady?”

No, it wasn’t just worry—but still, she had married him. It felt a little wrong for her husband to die less than a month into the marriage.

“Haha, yes, I suppose I am.”

Mercian’s awkward smile made Ruan squeeze her hand warmly.

“You care so much for me. I promise I’ll come back healthy.”

“Yes, please come back safely.”

Her words brought a smile to Ruan’s lips as he drifted off to sleep.

What? Already asleep again?

Ah, he must have taken sleeping medicine.

Thinking so, Mercian closed her eyes and tried to rest as well.

***

A few days later, Ruan set off for Safran with Prince Harmon and a team of carpenters, while peaceful life continued at the duke’s estate.

Ruan was gone, but Tablo remained in the guest room, saying his covert mission was not yet complete.

He shared meals with Mercian every morning and evening, and while Tablo was out, Mercian quietly began preparing to live on her own.

For the first time in her life, Mercian enjoyed several days of undisturbed peace.

***

Two weeks had already passed since their arrival in the Safran territory.

Thanks to the emperor’s generosity, they had two and a half months’ worth of food, warm clothes and blankets for the coming winter, and 200 carpenters to repair their homes.

Despite the discomfort of living away from the palace, with unfamiliar beds and surroundings, Prince Harmon joined the restoration efforts without complaint.

Because of this, the recovery was progressing faster than expected.

But…

Ruan, flailing his hands in the air, opened his eyes and sat up with a sigh as he checked the time.

Despite having taken sleeping medicine, he had only managed two hours of sleep at best.

This is maddening.

No, am I going crazy?

It had only been ten days.

During the journey to Safran, unable to share a bed, he had insisted on sleeping with Mercian every night as an excuse…

Ever since his insomnia began, no sleeping pill has helped him fall into deep sleep.

Yet during those ten days, it was as if insomnia didn’t exist—he slept deeply and peacefully, without a single nightmare.

In twenty-two years of living, these were the most restful, serene nights he could recall.

Ruan thought it was a mere coincidence.

All that was out of the ordinary was that Mercian had been with him, and that, in his mind, was sufficient justification for his sound sleep.

But ever since they left the territory, even with sleeping medicine, he woke up at two or three in the morning and couldn’t get back to sleep.

At first, he thought maybe it was just the change of bed…

But what on earth was the problem?

The sleeping pills were the same ones he always took.

Even though they didn’t assist him in getting a good night’s sleep, they had never made him wake up so frequently.

Could the bed itself be the issue?

Ruan pressed down on the mattress with one hand.

It was a bit firm, but not much different from the beds at the duke’s estate.

He was just exhausted.

 .
.
.

Bang! Bang!

“Cassel, get up!”

“Wh-who is it?”

Rubbing his eyes, Cassel opened the door to find Ruan glaring at him with a look of pure annoyance.

“I can’t get any sleep because of you!”

“And what reason do you have for that today?”

“You keep snoring, and it wakes me up! Can you please be quiet—whether by holding your nose or pulling the blanket over your head!”

Haah. 

Finally, this man has lost it.

Cassel blinked, now fully awake, his irritation rising—but he managed to swallow his temper and spoke as calmly as he could.

“Duke, do you honestly think that makes sense?”

“What?”

“Our rooms are fifty meters apart. How on earth can you hear me snoring from there? And haven’t you taken sleeping pills?”

Ruan stepped back and stared down the long hallway toward his room at the very end.

“I don’t care. Even when I’m asleep and taking the pills, I can still hear you. Simply put, I can’t sleep through it.

Cassel let out a long, suffering sigh and dropped to the floor like a man on the verge of collapse.

“What exactly is the problem? Why do you torment me every night like this? Yesterday, it was the sound of me grinding my teeth. The day before, it was the noise of me kicking the blanket off in my sleep. Must I simply leave this building and find another place to sleep?

“…Cassel, I don’t even know anymore. I’m so sleep-deprived that even the sound of insects crawling across the floor feels like someone shouting in my ear.”

Cassel looked at Ruan with a face like he was ready to be buried alive and sighed.

“If the pills aren’t working, maybe you should try a different kind. You already barely hold together, and now that you haven’t slept, you appear to be a walking corpse.

“I need my wife.”

“What?”

Every night—I mean, I need her—squirming against me while she sleeps and babbling incoherently about her favourite foods. The warmth of her breath.  It is driving me insane how much I miss it. I think I might be losing my mind.”

“…Wha—wait, what? Who’s squirming in your arms now? Are we talking about a woman? Is there anything you need, like a softer pillow? I can get you a new pillow!”

“When can we go back?”

“Given the current situation, the recovery should be mostly complete within two or three days, and the displaced residents will have settled down. By then, I think our presence will no longer be necessary. We can leave Prince Harmon behind and return to the capital.”

“Two days? Understood. Let’s push to wrap things up by tomorrow.”

What kind of nonsense is this?

“Hm?”

“Then please, no more snoring, no more grinding your teeth, and keep the blankets properly on. Otherwise, I’ll be back. You’ve been warned.”

After Ruan closed the door and left, Cassel ended up sitting perfectly still, as if afraid someone might be watching, just breathing quietly through the night.

***

“Mer, it’s been such a long time.”

As usual, Mercian was spending a leisurely afternoon in the garden, sitting in a tree and nibbling on the cookies the steward had made.

Suddenly, an unexpected visitor appeared.

What is this now?

Just moments ago, I was feeling good.

Mercian sat in the tree, eating her cookie, and scowled when she saw Luciane coming.

“Sis, it’s been a while.”

“I see. Mercian, but have you still not kicked that lowly habit of yours? As an ordinary person, you, a duchess, eat cookies and climb trees. Do you feel embarrassed that people are observing? Then again, if you knew what shame or embarrassment felt like, you wouldn’t have climbed up there in the first place.”

“What exactly do you want to say? Didn’t we agree last time never to see each other again?”

Mercian climbed down from the tree and sat at the table, and Lusiane, who was sitting across from her, calmly replied.

“My mother is ill.”

“Your mother? Why all of a sudden?”

“People kept asking why the daughter who married into the dukedom isn’t attending the tea gatherings. My mother got so stressed out she fell ill.”

Ultimately, it came down to the tea parties.

“The tea gatherings…”

“Of course, you have to attend. Why are you trying to avoid them?”

Ah. 

And what’s causing your anxiety?

Mercian smiled softly as she looked toward Tablo entering the garden.

“Mercian, who is this young lady?”

At Lusiane’s question, Tablo smiled and sat down beside Mercian.

“Oh dear, Mercian, that’s a bit harsh. Even though I’m Ruan’s former lover and only staying here temporarily, I’m still family. At least I should have introduced myself to you as his sister. Hohoho. Nice to meet you, young lady. I’ve heard so much about you, but I must say, you’re even more stunning in person. I’m Saffron Heineve, Ruan Canoluf’s former lover and currently a temporary guest in this household.”

“Saffron Heineve? Having a surname means you’re noble-born. And you’re unmarried? Isn’t it inappropriate for an unmarried woman to be living in the house of a man she once dated—especially now that he’s married? 

Luciane looked at Mercian as if utterly baffled by Tablo’s words.

“Oh, young lady, don’t worry. Despite appearances, I have enough tact not to covet Ruan and Mercian’s bed. Truly, I am just a guest in this household. Isn’t that right, Mercian?”

“Hahaha, well… I suppose that’s true…”

“Oh, by the way, you were talking about the tea gathering earlier. Mer, Countess Beano’s daughter, is right about that. As you know, one of the Empire’s oldest customs is to hold a tea gathering so family members and relatives can see how well their married daughters are doing. Even if Ruan only has five months left to live, since you’re officially married to him, it makes sense for you to host the tea gathering, doesn’t it, Countess?”

“Oh my, you do know my heart well. Mer, if your mother keeps lying down like this and something happens suddenly, what will you do? Don’t regret it later—hold the tea gathering. That way, at least your mother will have something to share with others.”

Mercian knew that Luciane’s insistence on holding the tea gathering wasn’t because she was genuinely curious about her, but rather to find evidence that Ruan was plotting a rebellion.

So she couldn’t easily answer and instead looked toward Tablo.

Why is she involving herself in this?

What’s her real game?

As if she genuinely wanted Mersian to hold the tea gathering…

“Sis, I…”

“But, since the Countess is ill, it might be better to hold the tea gathering after Ruan returns. I heard on my way here that Ruan plans to finish his work and return to the duke’s estate by tomorrow, so he’ll be there for two or three days. How about having a tea gathering then?”

“Th-That would be difficult.”

Luciane looked surprised by Tablo’s response.

“Oh? Why not? Surely both the Countess and the Countess’s daughter would want to see how much love Ruan showers on you. Since we’re talking about it, I can’t even bear to watch how much Ruan cherishes you. Isn’t that right, Mer?”

“Uh? Ah, well… Yes, that’s true.”

Uncomfortable for Mother if the Duke is there too,” Lucianne said quickly, struggling to recover. “After all, we’re only a baronial family. He’s a duke. It would be much simpler to just visit Mer, have tea, see where she lives, and leave quietly. So—so, how about tomorrow? Does that work for you, Mer?”

Mercian sighed softly as she looked at Tablo, who was gently pushing her to agree to the tea gathering, and nodded.

“All right, sis. I’ll prepare for the tea gathering tomorrow. Please come to the duke’s estate with your mother by 11 o’clock.”

“Oh my! Your mother will be so pleased to hear that. I’ll be there by 11 tomorrow. See you then. Young lady, I look forward to seeing you again.”

Luciane quickly stood up after greeting Tablo, not wanting Mercian to change her mind, and hurried out of the garden.