Episode 38
It felt like time had stopped for Alicia. She couldn’t even blink properly.
“Alicia?”
Kaien suddenly reached out and touched her forehead. Normally, she would’ve flinched, but she was already too shocked to react.
“Hm, no fever.”
Kaien casually spoke, unaware of how shocking his earlier words had been.
“Alicia?”
“Ah… yes.”
Alicia finally snapped out of it and answered.
“Maybe it’s the chilly night air.”
Without asking, Kaien took off his jacket and put it on Alicia’s shoulders.
To others, it might look sweet, but Alicia’s mind was spinning with confusion.
“We should head back in.”
“Yes.”
“Since we’re together tonight, we can read the journal together.”
“…What?”
Alicia’s eyes widened in shock.
He was really planning to just suddenly have their first night together without any warning? Not even a proper wedding?
“Is there a problem?”
Kaien didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. In her past life, her cold husband was awful—but this cold, casual approach felt just as terrible.
“We should have dessert too, so let’s head to the bedroom and read the journal there.”
“W-What?”
Alicia blinked rapidly, completely confused, but Kaien didn’t notice.
“Right now? With dessert?”
“It won’t take long.”
Alicia looked up at him, lips parted in disbelief.
“How can you say that…!”
For the first time, her gaze was full of strong resistance and hurt.
“We’re already married. There’s no need to keep acting distant.”
What Kaien said might make sense in this world, but Alicia couldn’t accept it.
“You’re being unfair.”
“Me? Why?”
Kaien looked confused. Until now, she’d been trying to win his favor.
But seeing him every day had made her realize feelings weren’t that simple.
“Do you really not see anything wrong with this?”
“My mother’s journal is precious. I gave it to you—what else do you expect me to think?”
His clueless response only made Alicia’s chest hurt more. Tears welled up in her eyes.
Kaien was completely lost.
“Did I do something wrong? I can’t even ask something like this?”
Even if it wasn’t a marriage out of love, did he really think he could treat her like this? If he had treated her coldly from the start, maybe this wouldn’t hurt so much.
“…Yes.”
A tear rolled down Alicia’s cheek. Kaien was stunned.
“To Your Majesty, maybe it’s nothing. Everyone and everything in this palace exists only for you.”
Her voice trembled with emotion.
And Kaien felt like her words stabbed him in the chest.
He couldn’t explain it, but seeing her look up at him with teary eyes made something inside him snap.
“What are you even saying?”
He accidentally raised his voice.
But when he saw her crying even harder, he froze.
He didn’t know what she meant—but one thing was clear: he didn’t want to see her cry.
“Please, stop crying.”
People say that when someone tries to comfort you, you cry even more.
That’s exactly what happened. Alicia started sobbing like a child.
“No—don’t cry more… I mean…”
Alicia hated herself for crying like a child in front of him.
But she couldn’t stop. Kaien watched, helpless and awkward.
“Okay… you don’t have to force yourself to stop.”
Kaien was used to giving orders.
But even a powerful emperor couldn’t stop a woman from crying.
“I… I’m sorry…”
As soon as she spoke, tears poured again.
“Okay, I’ll allow you to cry a little more.”
That didn’t help at all.
Kaien was so frustrated and confused that he couldn’t just stand there anymore.
“No…”
He didn’t know how to comfort someone.
And he didn’t understand what she was trying to say.
All he could think of was not wanting to see her cry anymore.
“Enough crying.”
He acted on instinct and pulled Alicia into his arms, resting her head on his chest.
At least this way, he didn’t have to see her tears.
Her body tensed, but she was crying too hard to push him away.
“Sniff… sorry…”
“No, it’s fine. Cry a bit more if you want.”
Thankfully, her sobbing started to calm down just as he hoped.
Kaien had no idea how gentle he looked at that moment, holding his wife close.
After finally calming down, Alicia was too embarrassed to even look at him.
Kaien, also realizing he had hugged her without thinking, stepped back.
The mood was very awkward.
“What do you want me to do?”
He asked quietly as Alicia wiped her tears with a handkerchief.
“Please… just go back. Tonight. Please.”
Was this really something to beg for? But Kaien didn’t argue.
Seeing her tearful face made it hard to say anything.
“Fine. I’ll go.”
He turned to leave, not even thinking about the jacket he’d left on her shoulders.
“Seriously, what did I even do wrong…”
He walked quickly through the garden, his face full of confusion.
“This is ridiculous!”
He was upset and frustrated, but even if he went back, he didn’t think he’d be able to say the right thing.
He didn’t feel like the strong, confident emperor anymore.
“Why? What did I even do?”
Kaien laughed in disbelief, but the image of Alicia’s tear-streaked face under the moonlight stayed in his mind.
“What did I do, really…”
Even when he got back to his quarters, he kept mumbling to himself. Emma, who had been waiting all evening, rushed over.
“Your Majesty, why are you so angry?”
Did she push too hard, too soon? Emma looked worried. Kaien frowned.
“I’m not angry. I’m just confused.”
His clothes were still damp from Alicia’s tears.
It really had happened—not just a bad dream.
“Did something happen with Her Majesty?”
“She’s acting weird.”
Kaien grabbed wine and downed a full glass.
“What do you mean?”
“I wish I knew! Everything was fine—we had dinner, took a walk… and then suddenly she started crying!”
He let out another bitter laugh.
He just couldn’t understand her reaction.
“She cried for no reason?”
“Yes! What, do you think I made her cry on purpose?”
He drank another glass of wine.
“Just before that, she said she was happy to receive my mother’s journal and gift.”
“Maybe… maybe those were tears of joy?”
Emma tried to give Alicia the benefit of the doubt.
“No. She looked hurt. She even glared at me.”
That didn’t sound right. Something was off.
“She said she hadn’t opened the gift yet because she wasn’t sure she deserved it. I thought that was respectful. So I suggested we read the journal together… and suddenly she started acting strange.”
Emma’s eyes widened.
“Your Majesty… did you ask Her Majesty to read the journal together?”
“Yes. Since we were having dessert anyway, I thought we could read it then. That’s when she started losing it.”
Emma understood everything now.
“Out of all the strange things that happened tonight… the most shocking was when she begged me to leave, like I’d done something horrible.”
From Alicia’s perspective, that’s exactly how it felt—like he was casually suggesting they have their first night together over dessert.
“I still don’t get it. I told her to stop crying, and she just cried even harder!”
Even Emma, wise and experienced as she was, hadn’t realized just how clueless Kaien was about royal traditions and marriage etiquette.
Things like this were supposed to happen gradually and with care.
“Your Majesty, I must speak with you right now.”
“Not tonight. I’m not in the mood.”
“No. You must hear this tonight.”
Kaien’s confusing night… was far from over.
