Episode 36
After Emma left, Agnes came looking for Alicia with a bright smile, clearly happy.
But Alicia’s head was full of thoughts, so she sent everyone away and stayed alone.
“Is this really what I wanted?”
She looked up at the ceiling and whispered, though she knew no answer would come.
“All I wanted was to leave this prison-like palace… and live somewhere peaceful, maybe grow flowers…”
When she got a second chance at life, her first thought was to escape the palace.
It was a place full of bad memories, where she had died miserably in her past life.
“But… is that really possible?”
At first, it seemed easy. Kaien didn’t care about her, so leaving shouldn’t have been hard.
But Alicia had no idea what kind of person her husband really was.
“If you don’t take care of the Empress properly, I’ll punish you.”
When she once lied about being sick to avoid meeting Kaien, his warning had made her realize something—if he noticed her even a little, she couldn’t leave easily.
If she tried, Agnes would be the first to suffer.
“And I can’t go back to Lucan either. That’s even worse.”
Even seeing a letter from Lucan made her feel suffocated.
Living in that place full of cold people wasn’t an option.
“Was it foolish to dream of living peacefully in a forgotten palace?”
She wasn’t even sure she had the power to make that happen.
“Lucan didn’t give me a single coin when they sent me here for ‘virtue’ or whatever.
I was stupid to think I could survive alone in this world.”
She had read books and studied the history of this world, but there wasn’t a single story of a queen or empress peacefully leaving and living alone.
“No queen survived after her royal marriage fell apart.”
Mistresses or concubines could be dismissed, but a queen married in the name of God? She was tied to the empire until death.
“I read it somewhere… a queen becomes part of the royal family forever.”
And Alicia wasn’t just a noble’s wife—she was the Empress.
According to the history she read, there was only one way an Empress lost her title—through death.
“But… like Madam Emma said, our marriage isn’t fully complete yet.”
She could see how Emma and Agnes were secretly waiting for the night she and Kaien would finally share a bed.
That was what made the marriage official.
“Why didn’t I ask to cancel the marriage back then? …Oh, right.”
Alicia shook her head. Back then, she had just suddenly become Alicia, thanks to some strange magic, and was forced into the wedding after being scolded by the great sage Lucan.
“I didn’t know anything.”
Back then, she still had dreams.
Like in the novels, she thought being the main character would lead to a happy ending.
“I was powerless and clueless.”
She didn’t realize that once you fall into a story, it becomes your real life.
That you have to fight just to survive.
“No book or movie ever tells you how to live happily after falling into a fantasy world.”
Even though she barely remembered who she originally was, she clearly remembered all the media and snacks from her old life.
Since coming back in time, she had used that knowledge more than once.
“There was no guidebook on how to tame an emperor either.”
She remembered the moment she shouted at Kaien.
“Stop!”
At the time, it was reckless—but Kaien had frozen in shock.
“But… it worked.”
Maybe it was the first time anyone had dared speak to him like that.
He had grown up rejected by his father and raised by servants, so he probably never heard such words.
“Will it work again…?”
No one could know.
Not even the smartest people from her old world.
“But what I do know is… I need to rethink my goals.”
People talk about living well, but actually doing it is hard—even in this strange new world.
Meanwhile, Kaien had stepped out of his office to take a break and ran into Emma, who was returning from the Empress’s quarters.
“You’ve been to the Empress?”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
Kaien’s dark eyes sparkled slightly.
He was curious how Alicia reacted to the diaries and heirlooms from his late mother.
“So…?”
His eager tone told Emma that her hopes might soon come true.
Alicia still seemed unsure, but Kaien was clearly changing.
It was only a matter of time.
“The Empress said she was grateful and honored.”
“And?”
Kaien looked disappointed when she didn’t say more.
“She didn’t say anything else?”
Even his eyebrows drooped slightly—rare for someone so unreadable.
“She probably wanted to say more, but… it was hard for her.”
“Why?”
At that moment, Kaien looked less like an emperor and more like a confused 25-year-old.
“That gift was something usually given the morning after a royal wedding night. She probably felt awkward.”
Emma, who had been lonely in the palace for years, now found herself rooting for the young couple.
Watching them made her feel a warm joy again.
“Is that so?”
“Yes, and she’s still very thoughtful and careful.”
Kaien’s disappointment faded a little.
“I thought she’d be a little happier.”
Last night, after speaking with Glenn, Kaien called Emma and asked about what gifts would be appropriate.
He didn’t like how Glenn dismissed Alicia’s words too easily.
“You said she should have more authority, right?”
Alicia had seemed humble after her illness, but Kaien found her wiser and more composed now.
He wanted to give her some real power—and see what she’d do.
“She knows her role but chooses her words carefully.”
Winning Emma’s trust was no small thing.
“She’s always so cautious.”
He had almost forgotten the time Alicia had yelled “Stop!” at him.
“Still… I thought she’d say something about my mother’s jewels.”
Kaien wasn’t great at telling one gem from another, but anything from his mother was special.
His memory of Alicia’s recent kiss may have influenced the decision to send those heirlooms.
“Why would I tell a servant about such a precious moment?”
“Who else would you tell, Your Majesty?”
Emma gave a gentle smile.
“That kind of message… should be shared between a husband and wife.”
Kaien blinked.
“We servants shouldn’t interfere with such private things.”
Her subtle encouragement worked. Kaien nodded, thinking.
Her part was done. What happened next would happen tonight in the Empress’s quarters.
“You may go.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
If she was lucky, Kaien would soon ask about the diary’s locked key—and what was needed to open it.
Emma only regretted she couldn’t be there to see it.
Agnes had said the late Empress’s heirlooms were placed in the second-floor drawing room, but Alicia didn’t want to look at them yet.
She appreciated Kaien’s gift, but it made her feel pressured.
For now, her focus was on the diary.
“Even without the key, I can still read some things.”
She set aside the red-covered diary and reached for the black notebooks Emma had written.
“Agnes, I’ll leave tonight’s dinner to you. I want to read for a while.”
“Yes, I’ll have Nancy bring tea.”
As she opened the notebook, Alicia saw Emma’s neat handwriting.
She read through one book like a novel, then reached for another.
“Such warm writing.”
Her fingers gently traced the words.
Her face looked calm but sad.
“How tragic… and yet I can read this calmly.”
Emma’s diary began from the time when Empress Dianne’s health had started to fail.
After being injured during an assassination attempt, she had suffered a miscarriage that nearly killed her.
Emma had written about it all, quietly and tenderly.
[After the solemn funeral, His Majesty has not left his bedroom for ten days.]
Alicia already knew the story, so she could tell what came next: how seven-year-old Kaien’s life began to fall apart.
