IAMFMFL CH 10

“Ah, I remember now. You must be the young lady from the Ezelrot family that Caron mentioned inviting.”

That’s it! I wanted to clap my hands and shout it out immediately, but ever since earlier, every time I opened my mouth, my words came out stammering.

“Y-yes.”

My voice shot off awkwardly, making me sound like a fool.

Damn it. I lowered my head, overwhelmed with both embarrassment and despair.

“It seems I’ve been rude. Then I suppose you were at the imperial palace because of Sir Lockhard.”

Pansion continued to use polite speech even toward me, who looked far younger than him.

A man this upright actually exists in the world? The men around me were always selfish, teasing, and childish.

I steadied my breathing and spoke.

“Yes, I went because I was curious to see Lockhard oppa training. I thought about it for days before deciding, but it just happened to be on a day when the training schedule was private.”

Pansion gave a small laugh. It was clearly a formal one.

“He is an exceptionally outstanding knight among many in the empire. You may take pride in Sir Lockhard. If you have the time, try holding his hand at least once. You’ll quickly understand how hard he works.”

Take pride in Lockhard? The sky would sooner collapse before I’d ever feel proud of him.

The same went for Rick and Eden. Well… maybe Eden was different.

I couldn’t bring myself to say I would try holding his hand, so I desperately searched for an appropriate response.

Something that would keep the conversation from ending awkwardly. Something rational yet ladylike.

“I see. Unfortunately, Lockhard oppa isn’t here right now… Um, if it’s alright, may I hold your hand instead, sir?”

Pansion’s expression faltered slightly, like a crack forming in glass. He stared at me as if he’d heard something unbelievable, then cleared his throat softly.

“My hands are covered in scars and calluses. They wouldn’t be pleasant to look at.”

His tone carried a hint of discomfort.

Did I fail to communicate again?

Still, he seemed quite proud of the countless marks left on his hands from training. His earlier suggestion about holding Lockhard’s hand didn’t sound like something he had said just to fill the silence.

I only wanted to understand the source of that pride… but they say when you’re foolish, you should watch your words.

“Was I being presumptuous? If it makes you uncomfortable, please refuse. You don’t have to agree out of obligation.”

It really seemed like my mistake. Strange… Lockhard always managed to steer conversations smoothly in situations like this.

Pansion, who had been quietly watching me, finally spoke.

“…Not at all. There’s no reason for me to feel uncomfortable.”

He stepped three paces closer, closing the distance between us to just one step.

Up close, Pansion looked even taller than Nezar. It made my reality as a short fifteen-year-old all the more obvious. Was this what a ten-year age gap felt like?

With a slightly awkward expression, he extended his right hand.

The palm of a knight who trained with a sword was far more battered than I had expected.

As he said, there were small cuts and calluses, and the lower joint of his thumb was twisted, as if it had once taken a heavy blow.

“Here… doesn’t it hurt?”

I pointed to the joint of his thumb. At my question, he moved his hand lightly as if it were nothing.

“It doesn’t hurt. It’s a wound from over seven years ago. It doesn’t bother me anymore.”

“Isn’t it inconvenient?”

“If it were, I would have given up being a knight long ago.”

I studied his face briefly. Unlike earlier, when he had seemed awkward, now he was calm and composed, just like when he had handed me the baby’s breath before.

I lowered my head and gently took hold of his fingers. His skin wasn’t entirely rough, but it was firm and uneven beneath my palm.

Wow… his hands are huge.

I reached out with my other hand as well, intending to examine his hands more closely. Having only ever known soft, warm things, his hands were fascinating to me.

At least, until he suddenly pulled away.

Startled by the emptiness in my grasp, I looked up. Pansion was staring down at me, eyes wide.

“Did I offend you?”

“No, not at all, but…”

Then why pull away?

I quietly withdrew my arm and met his gaze. His dark blond hair swayed slightly in the breeze.

“I didn’t think you would actually touch them.”

“Should I have asked? Can I really touch them?”

There was no answer.

Was that a refusal?

Perhaps uncomfortable under my gaze, he averted his eyes slightly, then extended his hand again. Thinking he might pull away once more, I spoke firmly.

“I’m really going to touch them, okay? If you’re giving me your hand, that means it’s fine, right?”

“…Ha. Yes, go ahead.”

With his permission, I immediately grabbed his broad hand.

He had already turned his head toward the chrysanthemum garden. Was he embarrassed? Despite his large build, he seemed unexpectedly delicate. Or perhaps he simply didn’t like my request.

His reaction made me feel uneasy. I lightly held and released his ring finger.

“I’m sorry, sir. You can turn back now. If I made you uncomfortable, I apologize.”

This method clearly wasn’t working. I shouldn’t have used someone like Lockhard as an example.

Damn it, I wanted to kick my past self for only ever reading etiquette books. None of those thick volumes had ever taught me how to deal with noblemen.

As I slumped my shoulders in silent apology, Pansion hurriedly shook his head.

“No, that’s not why I turned away. It’s just that… for a moment…”

Trailing off, he closed his mouth and glanced around.

“That sounds like Caron.”

At his words, I straightened and focused my hearing. I couldn’t hear her voice, but I did hear hurried footsteps.

After a brief silence, as if lost in thought, Pansion spoke again.

“She seemed unable to adapt to the castle, but after receiving your reply, her expression brightened considerably. Though it’s only been two days.”

“Caron?”

He nodded slowly and swallowed.

“Yes. My elder brother and I are both busy with our duties, so we haven’t been able to look after her properly. She says she’s doing well and tells us not to worry, but she has such a gentle nature that I fear she may be suffering in silence. I’m truly glad you came.”

I recalled the maid’s attitude I had seen earlier.

She’s doing well, he said.

Caron wouldn’t have such a low standard for kindness. It seemed more likely she couldn’t bring herself to tell Pansion about the unfair treatment she was receiving.

Why? Because she feared the duchess?

“L-Lady Katrina? Where are you?”

The sound of footsteps was now right nearby. It seemed the fence of chrysanthemums, rising above head height, was preventing her from seeing us.

I turned to look at Pansion. He was already looking at me.

“I should be going now. It was a pleasure meeting you, my lady. I hope you have a good time.”

With a brief bow, Pansion disappeared into the garden filled with yellow petals.

“I heard you liked the garden… so if it’s alright, I’d like to talk out here instead of indoors.”

Caron’s expression was that of a shy girl standing before her first love.

Because of that, facing her hopeful gaze made me feel strangely uneasy. It was the first time a girl my age had acted as though she had been waiting for me.

It made me worry that I might not meet her expectations.

“This garden is one the duchess treasures greatly. Brother Pansion said she not only designed it herself, but has been taking care of it for years.”

The white lace-decorated garden table matched the soft yellow petals beautifully.

But the dress Caron wore looked far inferior to even that lace. She was still a daughter of a ducal house, yet to be dressed like that when meeting a guest…

Were they looking down on me too?

The pride I had carefully built up felt twisted.

“I heard you have brothers as well, Lady Katrina. Could you tell me what they’re like?”

A maid approached the table with a teapot. It was white porcelain adorned with blue vines. I stared blankly at the reddish tea being poured into my cup.

“Of course. My eldest brother is Eden Ezelrot, the second is Lockhard Ezelrot, and the third is Rick Ezelrot. They all have very different personalities… though I don’t interact much with Eden oppa due to the age gap, so it’s hard to describe him.”

The teapot changed.

This time, it was white with green vines.

The maid poured tea into what was clearly Caron’s cup. The same reddish liquid flowed out.

“Lockhard oppa and Rick oppa are similar. Both are playful and annoying, though Lockhard is a bit more sly. Rick is relatively calmer and enjoys reading. In conclusion, all three are quite different from me. I’m quieter and more reserved compared to them. Like a well-mannered young lady.”

Or at least, that’s what I want to be.

At my words, Caron covered her mouth and laughed softly. But my attention remained fixed on the teapots.

Soon, the maid brought plates filled with cheese muffins and strawberry mousse cake, followed by the teacups. The tea from the blue-vine teapot was served to me, and the tea from the green-vine teapot to Caron.

My face twisted in irritation.

This was such obvious, ugly harassment.

“Wait.”

Just as Caron reached for her cup, I quickly extended my arm and took it.

“For some reason, this tea looks prettier. It’s such a beautiful red, like a ruby. Would it be alright if I drank this one?”

Caron looked at me in confusion, then nodded.

But the maid beside us reacted differently. When I glanced at her, she tried to reach out toward me with a flustered expression.

“M-my lady, wait—!”

The temperature at the rim felt just right. Ignoring her, I took a sip.

The elegant aroma and taste of black tea… followed by a disgusting sensation crashing in afterward.

I couldn’t swallow even a drop and spat it out immediately. As I exhaled, the rotten stench invaded my nose, making it even worse.

“Cough, cough!”