Chapter 9
She reacted more strongly to how I addressed the Count than to the implication that I was accusing her of infidelity.
“What I call him is my choice, Countess.”
“Why… why do you people always treat him like that…?”
Ah.
Now I finally understood why, despite showing me affection, her words always carried a hidden blade. Women in love are all alike, it seems—blind and sometimes greedy. While she was attracted to me for resembling the Count, she also harbored jealousy because I received his attention purely due to blood ties.
She was in love with the Count.
“When you say ‘you people,’ do you mean me and the Marchioness?”
Her expression twisted. She looked at me as if I were incomprehensible.
“The Marchioness? But she’s your—”
“To me now, family is no different from strangers.”
I cut her off. Before I died, I craved my parents’ affection. I longed for the attention of my father, the Marquess, and the warmth of my mother, the Marchioness.
Back when I was Lee Jia, I received all the love a child could ask for. My father worried that I might walk alone at night and would come pick me up from school every day. My mother would pack side dishes for fear I might go hungry while living away from home.
Now, however, my identity as Lee Jia had grown stronger than that of Bionne. The family I had here may have shared my blood, but they were no longer “family” to me.
Time had passed. There was nothing left for me to say to her.
That’s enough meddling.
I had warned her. That child’s fate was now in her hands. If she understood my warning, the child would survive. If not, things would end up the same as before. I didn’t wish for the child’s death, but I had no further role to play.
“It’s your grandfather, my lady! Are you really not going to see him?”
As I walked away, she called out urgently behind me. But I left her and entered the family columbarium.
“Oh, my poor young lady…”
When I returned to the room after placing the urn in the columbarium, what greeted me was the tear-streaked face of my nanny.
“The lady was so heartless. How could she leave our young lady all alone like this… sob, sob…”
Even when the Marchioness had been alive, I’d done just fine on my own. But the nanny cried as though the sky had fallen. Two maids flanked her, supporting and trying to console her.
So exhausting.
Suddenly, a wave of fatigue washed over me.
I hadn’t even attended the entire funeral. As a child, I only stayed for the first and last days. Yet even that seemed to tire this young body.
Still, I couldn’t understand what they thought they were doing, putting on this show in front of me. I sat on the sofa and silently watched them. The soft cushions supported my hips and back. I felt the urge to nap right there.
“Don’t cry, nanny.”
“You’ll collapse at this rate.”
“You need to stay strong. If you fall too, what will happen to our young lady?”
This is getting ridiculous.
Whether they didn’t sense my gaze or were just ignoring it, they kept up their fawning under the guise of comfort. Their words—flattery more than comfort—seemed to energize the nanny, who wailed even more pitifully.
“Yes, I must stay strong… but still… sob, our poor young lady!”
I’m not even pitiful, though?
Anyone overhearing might think I was the one who had died.
The nanny had always made a fuss over the smallest things. The Marchioness’s death was no small matter, but even so, it hadn’t deeply affected me then or now.
Still, I understood her grief. She’d grown up with the Marchioness like sisters. Not being sad would be the real lie.
I understood her sorrow well enough. That’s why, though I was starting to get annoyed, I chose to hold it in. Right now, the drowsiness pulling at my mind was more pressing than lecturing them. My eyelids grew heavy, and slumber beckoned with soft gestures from afar. It was the most tempting invitation in the world.
“…No, you can’t.”
“Move aside! …I have to see her…”
Through the haze of sleep, I heard arguing. There’s a saying that the heaviest thing in the world is your eyelids. Though my mind was trying to wake, my eyes wouldn’t obey. And since I saw no reason to force myself up, I tried to drift back into sleep.
If it were truly important, the nanny would’ve woken me. But no one was trying. That meant I was free to sleep more. I started succumbing to slumber again. If not for the growing noise, I would’ve gladly embraced its sweet pull.
“Step aside.”
“My lady doesn’t wish to see you.”
“I’ll hear that from the young lady herself.”
“Keep this up, and I’ll call the guards.”
The nanny was arguing with someone. I wanted to ignore it, but their voices grew louder.
There wasn’t a single woman in this house who would dare argue with the nanny. She had been the Marchioness’s wet nurse and had followed her into the Eliante household as her personal maid. After I was born, she became my nanny and effectively ran the household staff.
No maid or servant dared defy her. The Marquess rarely intervened in domestic matters unless absolutely necessary, and the Marchioness had no interest in such things. The nanny practically ran the house. The only ones who could contradict her were the Marquess, myself, and the head steward.
The Marquess was out of the question. I wasn’t the one arguing either.
Then it must be the steward…
But the steward was a man. And the voice arguing with the nanny was clearly female—and oddly familiar.
In the end, I had no choice but to lift my heavy eyelids. I was irritated with the two women disturbing my sleep.
“I am, in a personal sense, the young lady’s grandmother. I surely have the right to see her.”
“Someone like you has no right—”
“What’s going on here?”
I cut the nanny off.
Though I understood her dislike for the Countess, blatantly ignoring her was inappropriate. Whatever her past, the Countess was a noble now. For a commoner like the nanny to treat a noble with such disdain could cause serious trouble.
“It’s nothing, my lady. You must be tired. Go rest some more.”
The nanny hurried over, shielding me with her large body and trying to lead me back into the bedroom. But I dodged her and stepped toward the Countess, who was still being blocked at the door.
“We seem to be seeing a lot of each other today, Countess.”
“My lady!”
The nanny cried out, her face full of disapproval. I ignored her and gestured to the Countess.
“Don’t just stand there—please, come in.”
The maids blocking her looked helplessly between me and the nanny. I frowned at them, but they still glanced at the nanny, clearly seeking her approval.
“My lady, that woman—”
“Who do you think you’re talking about like that?”
“M-My lady…?”
The nanny’s eyes widened at my cold tone. To her, this version of me was completely unfamiliar.
Eight years. I’d spent eight years as an empress. And to survive with my pride intact in such a position, you needed power—power to suppress those who dared look down on you. The moment a subordinate thought you were weak, they would turn on you.
I’d been nothing but a spoiled child. I threw tantrums like a kid begging for toys. Everyone around me indulged me. That only made me more arrogant. I had no idea they looked down on me behind my back. I believed in their words and smiles completely.
I thought I was special, chosen—that their praise was only natural. I never even imagined it could all be lies.
But when that illusion shattered, what came after was hell. The same mouths that flattered me now cursed me. They used the power and wealth I had given them to tear me down. In that chaos, I had to learn how to protect myself.
I still had power. And I learned how to wield it. A cold tone and commanding voice were effective tools. People feared me. At the very least, no one dared speak carelessly in front of me anymore. That’s how I survived eight years as empress.
“If you’re not going to stay silent, then leave.”
I spoke coldly to the nanny. Tears welled up in her eyes, hurt. Once, I would’ve blindly defended her without thinking of the consequences. But not anymore. Even if it seemed heartless, this was better for her.
If the Countess pressed the issue, things could escalate. She was a noble, and the nanny was not. Class difference here was a wall you couldn’t ignore.
If the Countess officially demanded punishment, the household would have no choice but to comply. What the nanny said had indeed been an insult. And insulting a noble was a serious crime.
“M-My lady… how could you do this to me?”
She looked truly shocked. Her lips trembled. The only version of me she’d ever known was the one clinging to her skirts, doing as she said. Her reaction was understandable.
I didn’t want to drag this out with her any longer. I pointed to the maids still blocking the Countess.
“You two. Take the nanny and leave.”
“…What?”
“My lady!”
Even then, they hesitated, looking only at the nanny. That alone showed how much I’d once been wrapped around her finger. I’d suspected it, but their reactions were worse than I thought.
I could now clearly see the things I’d missed before. My identity as Lee Jia allowed me to look at everything with objective eyes.
So I spoke again, more forcefully.
“Do you want to be dragged out too?”
Why are you all so noisy… gosh I feel for you bee