BOAD 33

33. Jet-Black Hair
There was no change.

For some reason, Leofric decided to follow the original path.

Betty and I pretended not to know anything and guided our horses along the route we originally remembered.

Even though he knew that taking this path might lead to an encounter with Lloyd, Leofric didn’t change the route.

That thought lingered in my head the entire ride.

Leofric and Lloyd were cousins, but they weren’t particularly close.

It wasn’t just because Lloyd’s mother often used her status as the emperor’s sister to cause outrageous trouble…

There was also an inherent incompatibility between the two.

When I thought about why they didn’t get along, it was obvious.

Now that I could clearly see their personalities, I assessed them objectively.

Lloyd appeared friendly and warm to everyone, but all his actions were laced with ulterior motives and meticulous calculation.

Leofric, on the other hand, wasn’t overly kind, but he treated everyone fairly and was the same inside and out.

With no real connection besides blood, there was no reason for them to be close.

Of course, Leofric always made an effort to show proper courtesy to Lloyd out of respect for his aunt.

But Lloyd, having once basked in the overflowing love for his mother, strutted around as if he were a prince.

Even though he had none of the responsibilities or honors bestowed upon Reinhardt.

“Just a bit more, and we’ll reach the village.”

One of the knights riding ahead turned and called back.

At those words, I could feel Leofric glancing at me.

But I didn’t turn my head.

I hadn’t all day.

Whenever he had something to say, he turned toward me, but I deliberately avoided meeting his eyes.

I wanted to say it was because I was preoccupied thinking about Lloyd and him—but in truth…

“Are you sure you won’t regret it?”

The more I thought about my relationship with Lloyd, and how to deal with him now, the clearer Leofric’s words became.

Because I couldn’t forget what I had done to him in my past life.

And because I realized just how absurd his current kindness and consideration toward me really were.

Being by his side now felt surreal.

So how could I possibly meet his gaze?

“There’s the village, Lady Mer.”

I was still deep in those thoughts when Betty, riding behind me, called out.

Was the direction I was heading in truly the right one? Was what I was doing really for his sake?

And when I finally looked where Betty pointed—

“……”

Ridiculously, as if to tell me all my thoughts were wrong—

—I had to clamp my mouth shut at the sight of those jet-black strands of hair in the distance.

By the time the sun had dipped past the mountain ridge and the sky darkened, we arrived at the village and secured lodging.

Since this village sat along the road to the capital, there were multiple inns, and we managed to avoid the worst-case scenario I had feared.

“He doesn’t seem to be here.”

Betty, who had clearly picked up on my worries long ago, whispered softly so only I could hear.

I gave a slight nod.

It was a relief, but that wasn’t the only concern.

When the knight called out and we turned to look toward the village, I wasn’t the only one.

Did the others see him too?

Lloyd Alois—was he seen by the others as I had seen him?

What if they misunderstood and thought I had called him here?

“Mer, are you all right?”

My thoughts were interrupted by Leofric suddenly stepping into my line of vision.

“Huh? What do you mean all of a sudden…”

“Ah, it’s just—you don’t look well.”

“Ah…”

Had my face changed color from all the worrying?

I stepped back a little from how close he had gotten and shook my head.

“I’m fine. Really, nothing’s wrong.”

“If that’s the case, I’m glad.”

“Sorry for the concern. You don’t need to worry.”

I waved my hand lightly, speaking politely, and he didn’t press further or come any closer.

He only nodded with a slightly bitter expression.

“Shall we go up, then? Fortunately, there are plenty of rooms.”

He smiled softly and pointed to the stairs, saying we’d be able to rest well tonight.

Trying to lighten the mood, he even cracked an unusual joke about finally getting some good sleep.

Watching him try to cheer me up with such light words made me feel a little guilty.

But I couldn’t possibly share the burden of my worries with him.

So instead of explaining, I simply smiled back.

“Everyone must be tired. That’s good to hear. I’ll head up first. Let’s go, Betty.”

I called to Betty as I started walking, and she tilted her head.

As if asking why I was calling her.

“We’re sharing a room, aren’t we? No?”

“But you were assigned to share a room with Lord Leo.”

Betty answered as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

As if to say, “How could I possibly share a room with you?”

I gave her a dumbfounded look, and Betty gave me an awkward, resigned smile.

“I have no power in this matter, Lady Mer.”

Even her words sounded deceitfully sweet.

Meanwhile, Leofric, standing beside her, looked… oddly pleased.

“Why on earth do I have to share a room with him here, of all places?”

I could understand doing so in front of others who thought we were husband and wife.

Not just for my sake but also to protect Leofric’s reputation—we needed to act like a loving couple when eyes were on us.

But now, everyone here was of the same gender, and there was no reason for me to share a room with Leofric again.

And yet—

“Do you hate the idea of sharing a room with Lord Leo that much? You’ll have to for life anyway!”

Betty looked around cautiously and whispered back.

She wore a puzzled expression, as if she genuinely didn’t understand the issue.

She wasn’t wrong, but… was now really the time?

I just wanted to get some peaceful sleep, for once.

Especially after thinking about him the whole way here… after spotting Lloyd just outside the village.

There was no way I could fall asleep next to Leofric like it meant nothing.

I sighed and shook my head.

“But… isn’t it weird to share a room even in a situation like this?”

“What’s weird about it? You’re going to be living together forever anyway. Might as well start getting used to it.”

Betty shrugged, as if it was no big deal.

But I didn’t answer and only gave a bitter smile.

‘Living together forever,’ she said.

But once all my plans succeeded, I’d have to let him go.

Leofric was kind.

Far more kind and gentle than I remembered, filled with consideration.

He always put me first, always tried to match my standards whenever possible.

I already knew this from having spent seven years with him, and now it was even more apparent after returning.

That was the problem.

“Just look at him now. If it were me, I’d stick close and never leave his side.”

Betty glanced back slyly.

Following her gaze, I saw Leofric walking a short distance behind us, smiling gently.

We had said we’d take a walk before bed to relax—and he insisted on coming with us, saying it was dangerous to go alone.

When I looked uncomfortable, he promised to keep his distance so I wouldn’t feel pressured.

Even in moments like this, he was considerate.

“Families known for good marital harmony—why don’t you follow their example, huh?”

“Most nobles aren’t like that.”

“That’s their normal. But Lady Mer’s ‘normal’ was far more romantic and warm, wasn’t it?”

Betty made a face like she just couldn’t understand.

Then, she lowered her voice and whispered,

“That’s why you were so desperate for the young duke, wasn’t it?”

Romantic love, learned from watching her parents—

Her father, who never stopped longing for her late mother.

So, of course, I became infatuated with Lloyd.

And now, I was pretending like I suddenly understood the cold logic of noble marriages?

Betty was asking me all of that with her eyes.

I got it.

I understood why she was saying this.

But…

“It’s not that simple, Betty.”

Loving Lloyd was easy.

He came to me like someone crafted just for me.

And back then, as the pampered daughter of Marquis Vermerian, I could get whatever I wanted.

I wanted him by my side, and for someone like me, that wasn’t difficult.

But loving Leofric was different.

Being the wife of a viscount’s heir wasn’t the same as being the future empress.

I wasn’t someone meant to quietly run a household. And Leofric wasn’t just some heir waiting for his father to step down.

I was meant to be the mother of the entire empire.

Leofric was a man who would stand alongside the emperor, carrying the weight of millions of lives.

Could such a person afford to indulge in love like anyone else?

Could I, the one who had once killed him with my own hands, ever love him?

I let out a long breath and smiled bitterly.

Even if he said he loved me—I would be the one who had to push him away.

“I don’t know what’s so complicated, but Lady Mer, you really do overthink everything sometimes.”

Most of the time, there’s no need to think so deeply about things.

Betty, older and wiser, shook her head like a weary elder.

It’s just one life—you don’t need to think so much.

“Sometimes, Lady Mer, acting as if you’re not thinking at all isn’t such a bad idea.”

“How can a person act without thinking? There are so many moments when you must think.”

“Oh, come on. No one thinks every minute of every day. Sometimes it’s okay to just follow your heart.”

Like staying in bed a few extra minutes because you don’t want to get up.

Betty added with a playful grin.

Feelings are like that too.

“So don’t overthink it right now. Just follow your heart. That’s the kind of ‘normal’ you learned growing up, isn’t it?”

Live the way you were taught to live, Betty said with a smile.

Not realizing how much more tangled that made things inside me.