Chapter 35
I gave Roel a disdainful glare, then forced a polite smile.
“On the way here, I ran into Her Imperial Highness, the Crown Princess. She said she’d enter early. He should be arriving soon. If you’re worried, maybe you should step aside quickly?”
Of course, that was a lie. I hadn’t seen Envis at all today.
Roel’s expression immediately darkened.
“……Then I should go quickly.”
He moved to leave obediently. At times like this, I felt grateful for Envis’s existence.
“It was nice talking with you, Miss Bates. If we meet again, let’s greet properly.”
“The honor is mine,”
The woman responded with a smile to Roel’s farewell.
Just as Roel was about to move, he hesitated.
“Oh, right.”
He turned toward me.
Then he leaned slightly and whispered into my ear.
“Rive, you look amazing today.”
He said that with a small smile, then walked away as if nothing had happened. I let out a small, bitter laugh as I watched his back.
After he left, I spoke quietly to myself.
“What a strange person.”
I couldn’t hold back that thought.
The woman gasped.
“Miss Rivera, even if that’s true, saying it openly in society could get you into serious trouble!”
Apparently, she also thought Roel was odd. I gave her a faint look, not denying it but just observing.
She glanced around, then placed her empty glass on the table.
“Do you plan to stay long at the ball?”
“……I suppose so?”
The ball had started some time ago, and it wouldn’t end for a while. Even Howard, the host, hadn’t shown his face. We still had a lot of time left.
I assumed the same was true for her. Why was she asking?
She smiled casually.
“How about we leave early and at least have tea somewhere?”
“……?”
This was the imperial palace ball that few could attend. For a lower-ranking noble like her, this opportunity was very precious. Yet she seemed ready to leave without networking. It was absurd.
Seeing my expression, she shrugged.
“There are too many people and it’s noisy. We’ve seen the Grand Duke and made some friends to chat with. I don’t see a reason to stay longer.”
“And the Crown Prince?”
“You wouldn’t be able to get close anyway. Besides, it’s just the first day.”
She smiled teasingly. She had no interest in getting closer to the royal family.
“Of course, if you want to stay, Miss Rivera, that’s fine.”
“…….”
I didn’t really want to stay that long.
I had achieved my main purpose of attending the ball: I had looked around enough and even seen Roel’s face once.
Howard or Envis wouldn’t come looking for me, so leaving without formal goodbyes today was fine. The ball would continue for several more days, so I could make formal greetings later.
It wasn’t exactly friendship, but having a brief tea with this noblewoman I met today was fine.
“I’d like that too.”
The woman’s face lit up with a smile at my reply.
As we headed toward the exit together, someone suddenly grabbed my wrist. I turned sharply in surprise.
“Rivera.”
“……?”
It was Chester.
He let go of my wrist and sighed. He looked relieved to have found me.
“Do you have a moment?”
Chester was openly acknowledging me. If I had known, I should’ve told him in advance, like with Roel. As with before, people nearby were watching us.
Chester ignored them and politely nodded to the woman accompanying me.
“I’m Chester Gon Allenhart. I’m sorry, but I need to speak with Rivera for a moment. Please excuse us.”
“Of course.”
The woman nodded immediately and stepped aside.
Chester and I moved to a quiet corner. Once he confirmed the area was clear, he finally spoke.
“Rivera, could you go to the duke’s mansion today? I’ll give you a teleportation scroll.”
“……Today?”
The ball was still in its first day. I didn’t understand why he would waste such a precious scroll to send me back immediately.
“Why?” I asked.
“Rivera woke up,” Chester said.
I widened my eyes.
The Rivera he meant was the fake Rivera. She had been unconscious before the ball. She must have regained consciousness while I was at the palace.
No wonder I hadn’t seen Kevin. Like Roel, Kevin would quickly be noticed in the crowded ballroom. The reason I didn’t see him wasn’t because the ballroom was large—it was because the fake Rivera’s awakening prevented him from attending.
“……So that’s why Kevin wasn’t around.”
“Yeah, I’ll just inform Howard and leave immediately.”
If the fake Rivera had awakened, the ball didn’t matter. Returning immediately was the priority. The ball had originally been a way to pass time before the fake Rivera woke. Now, speaking with her was my top priority.
Chester handed me the scroll and left. I returned to the woman.
She looked at me with bright, curious eyes. She seemed to have many questions. Chester, a famous person in society, had addressed me casually and even spoken privately. Curiosity was natural.
But there was no time to explain. I apologized first.
“I’m sorry, Miss Bates. Something came up, so we can’t have tea after all.”
“Oh…”
The woman looked slightly disappointed.
But soon, she smiled brightly.
“Or you could visit our mansion later. If you give me your address, I’ll send a tea invitation afterward.”
“……?”
For a commoner, this was excessive kindness. A noble sending a tea invitation to a commoner was unusual.
‘Does she really want to be friends?’
No family, no connections—her friendliness felt strange. Everyone in society who had tried to befriend me before had only approached because I was a princess.
“…….”
Though hesitant, I didn’t feel bad.
But what address should I give? The orphanage? The Grand Duke’s mansion? The duke’s mansion?
While pondering, I heard whispering near my ear.
“……!”
My heart dropped.
Even though it was just whispering, I panicked.
I looked over. Some nobles who hadn’t paid much attention before were now glancing at us and whispering.
Before, it was because of the Grand Duke; now it was because the duke’s son had spoken to me. Naturally, people were curious.
Even though I knew it was shallow interest, my hands trembled. It was an unexplained fear.
“……Miss Rivera?”
The woman called me, but I couldn’t hear her. The whispering felt hostile, and I felt suffocated.
I couldn’t say a word and quickly left the area. I vaguely heard the woman calling after me in confusion.
“…….”
When I came to my senses, I was on the terrace. I gripped the railing and breathed heavily.
The cold wind and quiet surroundings calmed me gradually. Yet my body still trembled.
Why did I feel such fear? I had been fine earlier. Just hearing whispers disturbed me so much.
‘Now that I think about it…’
This wasn’t the first time whispers had made my heart sink.
At the Grand Duke’s mansion, hearing Dixie and Connie’s conversation had felt similar. Back then, it was just a brief surprise, so I hadn’t thought much of it.
‘I’ve been hearing whispers my whole life.’
As a child attending social events, it was normal.
I remembered being fine hearing such things.
‘……Fine?’
I immediately questioned myself.
I remembered being okay back then, but now I doubted myself.
‘If you want, I can ask my sister… but will that be okay?’
Roel’s words suddenly came to mind.
‘I won’t be fine?’
‘I just thought you might feel uneasy at the ball.’
At the time, it seemed strange, but now I realized Roel had reason to worry.
He was unusually perceptive about me. Maybe he even knew about this state of mine.
Then I remembered my conversation with Chester.
“Are you okay? Rivera, you were afraid of crowded places.”
“……When?”
“You were like that since childhood. Are you okay now?”
“…….”
I couldn’t understand them. I hadn’t minded the ball or feared crowds.
But now I remembered.
Chester had been right.
I thought I had acted confidently as a child, but over time, my memories had distorted.
I had repeated to myself like brainwashing: I didn’t care if someone insulted me. I smiled outside and ignored their words behind my back.
Even that was acting. Now I admitted it.
I gripped the railing tightly and finally spoke.
“I can’t possibly be okay……”
I was afraid of the people pointing at me. I always had been, since childhood.
I believed everyone naturally disliked me. Every glance felt hostile. I was paranoid.
No matter what I did, they would criticize me. So I had to be arrogant to protect myself. I acted according to the “truth” others forced on me.
Otherwise, I couldn’t endure. I believed it was the only way to protect myself.
It was funny that others knew me better than I did, despite my lifelong self-brainwashing.
I lowered my head and let out a bitter laugh.
I held the railing and lost track of time. Then, the terrace curtains opened, and someone entered.
“Rive.”
It was Roel.
