~Chapter 19~
I planted both hands on the bed and struggled to push myself upright.
Anton quickly reached out to support my back. I must have looked pitiful, unable even to sit up on my own.
As my upper body leaned forward, I braced myself against his chest. Our faces were so close, the tips of our noses nearly brushed. From less than a handspan away, his face looked like a finely sculpted statue—stunningly beautiful.
Even though it was the dead of night, his golden eyes blazed beneath long lashes like the midday sun. In contrast, his lips looked moist. Maybe that’s why my thirst only deepened.
“I’m… thirsty.”
Like someone bewitched by an oasis in the middle of the desert, I pressed my lips to his. My eyes fluttered closed. His lips were warm and soft. The tender pressure sparked a heat that spread like wildfire below my chest.
With a soft pop, our lips parted.
“Are you out of your mind?”
Anton’s pupils had dilated wide. He looked genuinely shocked.
I nodded. I was somewhat out of my mind right now. But I had no intention of regretting it.
“For my first time… I don’t want it to be forced.”
“Ha, so that’s it.”
Anton scowled, one eyebrow twitching as he grasped my chin.
“If I’m going to lose my virginity anyway… I want to give myself to you.”
At my words, the corner of his mouth twisted upward in a wry smile.
“So you’re offering me your first time?”
“…Yeah.”
I don’t want to be broken. And Anton doesn’t seem like someone who would break me.
“I need to know what it’s like… to be with a man…”
Emotion surged in my throat, cutting off my words.
Yes, this was a selfish choice—made purely for myself.
I didn’t know anything about this side of life. So I wanted to learn. What was it about this that made princes lose their minds?
If my first was with Anton, maybe it would be okay. He was a prince from another country, just like me. My first true friend since coming to the palace. And maybe—just maybe—he had feelings for me too.
“Josephine of Iote.”
“…Yes.”
“You want to throw yourself at me for that petty reason?”
Anton’s voice was as solemn as a judge’s. Just like the time he’d told me in detail how a priest had tried to violate me.
“Do I look like the same kind of scum as them?”
He brought his lips close to my ear, whispering sharply.
Then he added,
“Don’t say you want to know what it’s like with a man. Say you want to know me—”
“Mm.”
Before he could finish, I instinctively grabbed his collar and yanked him toward me.
I pressed my lips to his before he had a chance to respond. His large body stiffened against mine.
It was like someone else had taken over my body, wildly out of control.
I squeezed my eyes shut, thinking it was already too late to take back. Our lips parted with a faint, wet sound. His warm hands cupped my cheeks, gently stroking them.
“God, how far are you going to test me…”
He exhaled shakily—then this time, he kissed me.
Our lips rubbed together, the seam gradually loosening. A thick tongue parted my teeth and boldly invaded.
That damp flesh dove deep inside, searching for mine and winding around it. Our saliva mingled, and from the tiny gap came wet, slurping sounds.
I could feel every slippery bump of his tongue against mine. Overwhelmed by the new sensation, I trembled and gulped down the saliva greedily.
Just from the deep kiss, I felt a desperate, knife-edge urgency. When I shrank back, he nibbled and licked my lips gently as if to soothe me.
A light kiss finished it, and he pulled away.
Then, he cradled the back of my neck and slowly laid me down on the bed.
“This is as far as the provocation goes. If you’re not in your right mind, I won’t touch you.”
Suddenly, I felt a faint ripple from the hand supporting my neck. A shiver ran through me—cool yet electrifying.
It was a sensation completely different from the tingling I’d felt in my stomach. Something unknown was flowing into the empty space inside me—a space I hadn’t even known existed.
But I couldn’t pinpoint exactly where the sensation was coming from.
“This feeling… haah… it’s strange.”
It felt like I was floating, my whole body suspended in air.
“…You.”
Anton looked down at me with a grim expression, as if he had sensed something too.
“Don’t tell me… you absorbed my… power?”
My hearing dulled, like my ears were underwater. I couldn’t fully grasp what he was saying.
“Sleep.”
He placed his palm over my eyes. Immediately, my eyelids grew heavy like they were made of iron and slowly shut. It felt like someone had cast a spell on me.
“…A vessel.”
I heard his whisper through the darkness behind my closed lids.
I didn’t understand what he meant. The wild, feverish night ended there.
