Chapter 5. That Disgusting Affection
“What… did you just say?”
It wasn’t Rehn or Larwil—he’d said Ansi.
At that name, it felt like all the blood had drained from her body.
She wouldn’t have agreed to come here today if the one asking hadn’t been Orfe. Though his hair color and style were different from the past, if anyone who remembered her face had appeared, it would have posed a serious threat.
But because it was Orfe, she’d convinced herself this man wouldn’t recognize her. That rationalization was the only reason she’d dared attempt this risky encounter.
Damion de Orfe had still been a soldier when she arrived in the South, and even before that, Ansi had never once encountered him. Just as she didn’t know him, he shouldn’t know her.
But the gamble had failed.
“I knew it. I wasn’t sure back at the Viscount’s estate that day, but now…”
His penetrating gaze made Ansi’s body freeze. Damion raised a hand and gently touched her hair. Her long brown hair shimmered red under the sunlight.
“Your natural hair color suits you better.”
“What… are you talking about?”
“I always thought it looked like the night sky.”
He was now completely certain the woman in front of him was Ansi de Rubelsa.
There was no point denying it anymore. Even if she hadn’t been a social butterfly back then, a few photographs from her days as Ansi still existed. Comparing those would easily reveal the truth.
So what would he do now? Would he tell Viscount Giden’s household who she really was? Demand compensation from the Larwil family for sending a decoy and deceiving Orfe?
Regardless, Ansi needed to decide her next move.
The thought that she might actually have to kill this man brought a strange calm to her mind. She figured she wouldn’t be able to overpower a former soldier and drown him; he probably knew how to swim.
That meant—this might be her last chance. She had to use it.
If she apologized, promised to do anything to make it right… maybe it could be a way to get close to Cardian de Orfe.
“I’m sorry for deceiving you. Regardless of my intentions or situation, I know it was wrong…”
“No, that doesn’t matter.”
But once again, his reaction was unexpected.
“Was it… hard for you?”
His gentle voice echoed.
Ansi’s mind went blank. Her pupils trembled as the meaning of his words slowly sank in.
Was it hard for you? It might’ve been the first time anyone had ever asked her that.
Not back when she lived without worry as the daughter of Count Rubelsa.
Not when she’d lost everything and been driven to the edge.
Not even now, living under a false name as Rehn.
“I… I’m fine. I’ve been fine.”
Ansi forced the words out, trying desperately to hide the confusion inside her.
The man had already let go of her hair and was gazing at her silently.
“When you disappeared a year ago, I was very worried. I feared that the harsh gazes from others might have driven you to make a terrible choice.”
His quiet voice was filled with genuine concern. Worried? Ansi couldn’t understand his reaction at all.
“You… knew who I was? How?”
“The Jeff family’s charity event.”
“Oh…”
Yes, she had attended that. Just barely showed her face, so she hadn’t realized he had been there too.
“Curious how I recognized you even though we barely crossed paths and never exchanged a word?”
Almost like he was reading her mind, Damion asked.
Ansi nodded cautiously.
Could it be… he knows what his brother did to Rubelsa? Is that why he recognizes me?
“I didn’t know back then. I only realized later. That I…”
Damion furrowed his brow as though struggling with the words.
He, who always seemed so confident, was now hesitating.
But before the silence stretched on too long, he let out a soft, self-deprecating laugh and finished:
“…fell in love with you at first sight.”
“…What?”
“I liked you. I… still might.”
His voice was firmer now than before. As if speaking those ambiguous feelings aloud had made them more certain.
Ansi found herself speechless.
The situation was absurd.
He liked me? Likes me? How could he say that?
How dare a man from the Orfe family—the ones who ruined Rubelsa—say such a thing?
Even now, looking at her, disgraced and fallen. Pretending to be a lady while impersonating another family, reduced to this ridiculous state…
A man who dressed up pity as affection disgusted her.
How noble. How magnanimous. She almost scoffed out loud.
It felt filthy, like she was being toyed with by meaningless, shallow emotions.
But then again… the thought of opportunity began to crawl in.
If she could use this man to get close to Cardian, maybe—just maybe—it wouldn’t have to end with simply killing that bastard.
“Thank you… for seeing me kindly.”
A fitting ending would be to repay what she had received a hundredfold.
To drag the Orfe name through the mud.
“Will you still meet with me after today? As Ansi de Rubelsa?”
Ansi looked directly at Damion.
He lifted one of her hands and bowed low. His soft lips touched the back of her hand. Ansi bit down hard on the inside of her mouth.
“Then it would be my honor.”
When he looked up, he was smiling dreamily. In the spring sunlight, his face looked happy—radiant and beautiful.
“I’ll come to the South next time. How about 1 PM, a week from now, at the Verdi Hotel lounge?”
“Sounds good. I should be going now.”
“Where to? May I escort you?”
“No, I have an appointment nearby.”
“Too bad. A week’s going to feel long.”
“…I see.”
She wanted to say she felt the same. But the words wouldn’t come out.
Thankfully, it didn’t seem like he expected a response.
“Then please get home safely.”
Damion turned and walked away.
Ansi silently watched his back grow distant. When he looked over his shoulder wistfully, she even smiled sweetly and waved at him.
And when he was finally out of sight—
“Ugh…!”
Ansi rushed into the bushes and threw up. Her whole body ached.
To pretend to be fluttered and happy before the brother of the man who killed my father…
The thought alone was sickening. Her head spun. Her reddened eyes glared at the empty air before she began walking.
She arrived at the graves of her father and brother.
It had been a year.
Though she had visited the capital many times for work, she had never come here.
She couldn’t bring herself to.
Seeing the graves made their deaths—something she didn’t want to accept—feel unbearably real. Accepting that truth scared her. She needed to remain centered, but she feared she’d collapse completely.
If she’d known the graves would be like this, she would’ve come sooner.
“…Ah.”
Ansi’s face hardened. A pained groan escaped her lips.
The gravestones of her father and brother were covered in graffiti.
Ansi nearly fell as she ran toward them. Her legs gave out, and she collapsed at the graves, pulling out a handkerchief with trembling hands. Her lower lip quivered. But she pressed her lips together and scrubbed at the stones.
Traitor’s grave. Rubelsa should all die.
The graffiti wouldn’t come off. Instead, the words engraved themselves even deeper into her heart.
Even when the handkerchief slipped from her hand, she didn’t pick it up.
“Why…”
A searing pain struck her chest. Ansi clutched at it with both hands, curling up on the ground. Her forehead nearly touched the dirt as she looked up toward the gravestones.
In her reddened eyes, a bright blue gleamed fiercely.
Right. Even if she killed Cardian de Orfe, it wouldn’t restore Rubelsa’s honor.
Instead… it would only add the label murderer to this tombstone.
“So just killing that bastard… would be hollow and unfair, wouldn’t it?”
A broken voice spilled out.
No answer came, but she already knew the truth.
She would drag all of Orfe down.
She would destroy them, using the very man who had approached her.
She would shove them so far into the filth, they’d never rise again.
“Seemed like you had a pleasant meeting.”
Lenut, the driver, asked casually. He wasn’t the type to make conversation. Only then did Damion realize there was a faint smile on his lips.
“Yes, surprisingly.”
Leaning back in his seat, a glint of interest flashed in his violet eyes.
Ansi de Rubelsa, who had vanished a year ago.
At first, he wasn’t sure it was her.
Their only official encounter had been at the Jeff family’s charity event. Even then, he’d only glimpsed her as she was leaving.
He had seen her once before, when they were very young…
But that was something she surely didn’t remember—and he didn’t feel the need to bring it up.
Today, when he said her name, the woman before him trembled like she was afraid. Her reddish-brown dyed hair reminded him of the deer he’d hunted last fall.
Backed into a corner and shaking, yet staring straight ahead with those blazing eyes.
A gaze that, despite knowing her circumstances, still believed she was the most noble in the world—purely, arrogantly.
But Damion didn’t mind that at all.
Rather than someone completely broken, he preferred someone with just enough pride.
As long as she didn’t try to end her life again, this time… she might be worth using.
Ansi de Rubelsa.
She would be the one to take away his misfortune.
