Chapter 02
Can I Take It Back?
“Why are you so sure I’d reject your confession?”
Lillian’s forehead burned, as if she had plunged her head into a volcano. Her vision spun, and she couldn’t even tell what she was saying anymore.
“W-Well, of course! Your Grace is the finest man in the empire, with countless noble ladies devoted to you. Why would you ever choose someone like me?”
The moment the words left her mouth, she realized she’d messed up. That wasn’t what she meant to say. She needed to explain properly.
As if amused, Cartan scoffed.
“Then you understand, don’t you? That if I set my mind to it, there’s nothing I can’t do.”
His breath felt threatening, as if it might swallow her whole at any moment. Lillian felt like a prey animal instinctively sensing a predator’s attack.
T-This isn’t right.
This was dangerous. Sirens blared in her head. Her face flushed bright red, but she couldn’t bring herself to say anything else. Cartan looked down at her leisurely, the corner of his lips curving slightly, as though he were enjoying the situation.
Then, she felt a heavy warmth press down on her shoulder. When she glanced down with trembling eyes, she realized the grand duke’s hand was resting there.
Goosebumps spread across her body. Shaking with fear, Lillian lifted her head. Cartan met her gaze and spoke in a low, almost casual voice, as if delivering a notice.
“Lady Lillian, on the verge of marriage—how about switching to a new man at this point?”
“Th-That is…”
Thump. Thump.
His voice was so sweet it felt like it could melt even solid ice cream, and Lillian genuinely felt her life was in danger. Her heart seemed to drop straight down and then began beating wildly.
I—I should say no…
But her lips, glued shut by fear, refused to move. Her heart raced, her breath grew short, and her vision spun—
And then everything went black.
***
She felt no sensation in her body. Or rather, she felt so light that she didn’t need to use any strength at all. For a moment, she wondered if she was dead—but that didn’t seem right. It felt more like lying on a soft, pleasant cloud, peaceful and warm.
Ah… this feels so nice. If only I could stay like this forever.
Unfortunately, Lillian’s wish didn’t come true. A sharp, middle-aged woman’s voice cut into her ears.
“Honestly, you can tell she’s a child born out of wedlock—so weak! What if the count finds out and calls off the engagement? What are you going to do then?!”
“That’s why I told you not to rush things. You’re the one who was impatient. If we’d played it slowly, we could’ve gotten a bigger dowry. It’s not too late—we can still postpone the wedding.”
Was this a dream? Her mind felt hazy. But the voices were far too familiar. They belonged to her parents. No—more precisely, only her father was her real parent. She was an illegitimate child.
Is this a nightmare?
She hoped it was. She didn’t even want to check whether it was real or not. Not knowing felt easier.
Lillian had never seen her biological mother, not even once. As far back as she could remember, these people had been her parents.
“We never should’ve taken that thing in! Now we have to keep her even longer. Twenty years was more than enough. I don’t want to live with her for even one more day!”
Her mother snapped angrily, but as always, her father didn’t respond. Even so, Lillian could picture his expression clearly—an uncomfortable look, probably resenting her existence.
Well… if I were in his place, I wouldn’t want to raise someone like me either.
To nobles, an illegitimate child was a disgrace. Even if they were only barons in name, her parents were nobles to the core. To them, she was a burden—something unwanted. That was why she had always believed she owed them a debt.
So when they decided to send her off as the second wife of an elderly count, she accepted it without protest. She needed to repay the debt of being raised—before she died.
It had been a month ago. After waking up from a high fever, she felt no strength in her body. When she began coughing up blood, she went to see a doctor—and was told she didn’t have much time left to live. The first thing she felt wasn’t fear, but resentment.
Dying without even confessing to the baron is just too unfair.
That was why she decided to confess. But where had everything gone wrong?
She had definitely prepared two notes. Just in case the baron missed one, she had slipped one into the documents he was reviewing and the other into the pocket of the jacket he always wore.
‘You take wonderful care of the flower beds. Have you ever thought about working at the palace?’
‘Everyone makes mistakes. So don’t be scared.’
‘I’ll help you. Here, let me.’
It felt as if the baron’s voice was whispering in her ear.
Lillian had a special ability—she could restore injured animals and plants. At first, she found it fascinating and even felt proud of being special.
But she never told anyone about it. She couldn’t remember exactly why she kept it secret, but one thing was certain—it had been the right choice. If people found out, they would try to use her. Especially her parents.
If they learned that their terminally ill daughter had the power to restore life, they would exploit her as a source of income until the day she died. She felt guilty, but she didn’t want to waste the little time she had left that way.
Using my strength for things I don’t want to do would be unbearable.
Even so, knowing the risk, Lillian secretly used her power while working as a gardener at the palace—for Baron Jeffrey’s sake alone. She wanted to repay him for opening a new path in her life. She wanted to see him more often. Somewhere along the way, she had fallen in love.
Thinking of the only person who treated her with genuine kindness, peace returned to her heart.
I’m happy. Baron… I really like you. So, so much.
A smile formed on her lips.
Then—like a stone thrown into a calm lake—the baron’s gentle image wavered. Over it appeared the blood-stained face of Duke Cartan.
“Gasp!”
Lillian jolted awake, eyes flying open. She realized she was lying in her bed and began gasping for breath.
“Hah… hah…”
Her heart refused to calm down. It had been a horrible nightmare—one she never wanted to have again.
Wait… why am I here?
As her breathing steadied, the moments just before she fainted came back to her. She grabbed her head.
“Right… I confessed to the grand duke.”
She wanted to scream. No—she wanted to bash her head against the wall and leave this world immediately.
“What do I do?”
She had to take back the confession she’d made to Duke Cartan—no matter what. She was supposed to marry the count tomorrow. Playing with fire with the grand duke? She didn’t even have the nerve for that—and of all people, it had to be Duke Cartan. Jumping into a real pit of flames would be safer!
Her whole body trembled as goosebumps spread.
I don’t have time to waste like this!
She had to cancel the confession as soon as possible. Lillian sprang out of bed and rushed to her desk. Digging through the pile of crumpled papers she’d written and thrown away all night, she pulled out a fresh sheet and a pen.
***
Dear Grand Duke,
Hello, Your Grace. I apologize, but I would like to withdraw the confession I made yesterday.
Please forget it entirely.
Sincerely,
Lillian Dante
