~CHAPTER 71~
“…But.”
Lincia already knew.
It was too late to ask Harbih for a chance to stand by his side.
If she had an excuse, it would be that her only goal back then was to survive.
She did love Harbih, but she wasn’t shameless enough to ask him to take responsibility for her feelings.
At the time, she planned to stay quietly in the shadows until the right moment came, then leave the Cassius Territory.
But because she had desired a night with him, she conceived a child.
Because of that, they had grown unexpectedly closer.
Now, she had a reason to live here.
“I want to stand proudly by your side.”
She had a new purpose in life — and a child she had to take responsibility for.
“Can you give me just one chance?”
Harbih stayed silent for a long time.
After carefully choosing his words, he spoke slowly.
“I didn’t show you the greenhouse to make you feel indebted to me.”
“I know, I do… but if I want to be with you, I have to change.”
It had become too hard to pretend not to be afraid of facing Julius.
And if Harbih wanted to keep Lincia by his side, he would have to pay a painful price.
A price surely heavier than hers.
That was why he felt so conflicted.
“Let’s go back to the bedroom first.”
***
Harbih led Lincia to the bedroom and helped her sit down.
He told her to warm herself in the bath and soothed her gently before walking out into the corridor.
The room he entered to find the letter was the one he had used as a child.
He hadn’t stepped inside it since taking on all the burdens of responsibility.
As he rummaged through the drawers, he finally found a letter he had written long ago.
“…Can’t I talk to Julius myself?”
At Lincia’s earnest voice, Harbih suddenly recalled a conversation he’d once had with Julius.
Julius was a thorough man.
Though he sometimes said odd things, when he spoke of his plans, he was always precise.
But on the day he brought the imperial palace map, Julius suddenly said something out of nowhere while explaining his strategy.
“Do you know how they train hunting dogs in the palace?”
“Is that supposed to be important?”
He had meant, “Just finish what you were saying.”
But Julius continued undeterred by Harbih’s cold response.
“First, you starve them.”
“…”
“Until they’re on the verge of death. You can even put a few weak ones in together so they watch each other die in misery.”
“Then what?”
“Then you pretend to save them.”
Julius tapped the table with his fingers slowly.
“You pamper them for a while, then send them to hunt. Even if they fail at first, you praise them. But gradually, you reduce the affection, and when they don’t perform, you starve them again.”
“And then?”
“Do you know what they start to think?”
“…”
“That they must have done something wrong. That they need to do better if they want to be loved again.”
It was a brutal method.
Yet Harbih found himself standing with his arms crossed, listening to him.
He wasn’t interested in dogs or in trying such things himself.
“After that, if they perform well, you feed them. If not, you let them starve.”
“And you never show affection again?”
“Why would you waste time on something you’ve already tamed? It’ll give everything to you anyway.”
“…What if it tries to break the leash?”
Julius burst out laughing as if Harbih’s question was hilarious.
“A dog that’s been trained that way wouldn’t even think of it. Dogs that have never known unconditional affection don’t realize there’s anything wrong with their situation.”
“…”
“It’s fine. If a person acts that way, it just means they’ve never really been loved.”
Why did Julius’s nonsense have to come to mind now?
“I want to stand proudly by your side.”
He had shown her the greenhouse hoping she would find comfort in tending to the plants and come to care for the Grand Duke’s castle.
What had she seen and felt there that made her say she wanted to help him?
Had he given her love that felt fleeting?
Had he made her think it was a love that would end once there was no more gain, so she felt she had to do something to hold onto it?
“I know, I do… but if I want to be with you, I have to change.”
No.
Lincia didn’t need to change.
It was the Grand Duke’s castle that had to.
He didn’t want to live with her in a place where all the problems were so painfully obvious — problems she could see too.
He had to fix them.
But in a different way than before.
Harbih had already done his best to listen to his retainers.
He had carried guilt for sins he didn’t commit for over ten years — and that was more than enough.
***
Harbih took the letter and walked quickly back to the bedroom where she was.
Lincia, now changed into her nightclothes, still looked downcast.
“You’re late. I thought you’d run away again.”
At her sharp tone, Harbih hurriedly handed her the letter.
“It took time to find.”
Even though it sounded like an excuse, Lincia’s face lit up the moment she took the letter.
Then she replied curtly.
“I was about to tell you that I trust you… and that I wanted to see the greenhouse again.”
Was trust supposed to sound this sweet?
“…You got me.”
“No, you’re just paying for making me look petty.”
Her cute complaint made Harbih smile faintly.
“I never thought you were petty.”
“But you tried to comfort me because you thought I’d be jealous about your past engagement, didn’t you?”
At her precise words, Harbih closed his mouth.
She was right — he had worried that she might be upset.
“If I were to get jealous over just one woman, that would be unfair. I had far more fiancés than that.”
Harbih wrapped his arms around her waist.
“Then does that mean I beat all your other fiancés?”
“…Why would you put it like that?”
“Because I’m your husband.”
Lincia’s face turned bright red.
“I was joking. I guess I’m just the luckiest man among them.”
Her fair skin made the flush even more obvious.
“Let go. I’m going to read the letter.”
She started to open the envelope, but Harbih gently grabbed her hand in alarm.
“Please, my lady, could you not read it in front of me?”
Her hand hesitated for a moment, and Harbih softly brushed the back of it as if pleading.
Lincia pulled her hand away and took out the letter.
As Harbih tried to quietly step back, she patted the seat beside her.
It was an unspoken order to sit.
“You probably don’t even remember what you wrote. So read it with me and talk to me about it.”
When Harbih still hesitated, she pressed him again.
“Should I read it out loud for you?”
He obediently sat next to her.
[ To Lincia Durand.
You said I should write, so I am sending this.
I have arrived at the Cassius Territory. It is the same as always.
I hope your life is as peaceful as ever.
They say storms strike without distinction. The only answer is to always stay cautious.
The moment I returned, I received a proposal of engagement, and I couldn’t help but think how true that saying was.
I refused the engagement, but it made me think of you.
I sincerely hope that you also look after yourself and live safely, as a dear friend.
Circumstances being what they are, I will not be able to write again.
Still, should we meet again someday, I hope we can greet each other more warmly than we can now.
Be well.
Harbih Cassius. ]
Harbih fidgeted nervously the whole time she read.
To be honest, he barely remembered what he had written.
But he clearly remembered one thing — the part about the engagement.
Because the moment he received that proposal, he had thought of her.
“Why did you think of me right after rejecting an engagement?”
Thank you very much 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺