ILTDAMH|CHAPTER 61

Ruan, This Is a Secret, But… I Really Like You

Posted by Marinette, Released on September 17, 2025

Chapter 61

Ruan, This Is a Secret, But… I Really Like You

Ruan froze, every muscle stiff as if his body had been paralyzed.

Rosaline, this isn’t fair!

I can’t lay a hand on you, and yet you torment me like this every time.

He looked down at Merican, who smiled up at him so innocently, as though she had no memory of what she had just done.

He let out a deep sigh.

Woof, woof.

“Ruan. Hush. Mer’s drunk right now—don’t wake her.”

Carrying Merican into her room, Ruan spoke softly to the dog that padded after them.

“Huh? Ruan? Weren’t you just outside? No? My lovely Ruan, come here, I’ll give you a kiss. Mwah! Hoho. Ruan, why is your face so big?”

She pulled at his cheeks, pressing her lips against his.

Did she just… mistake me for the dog again?

No matter how fond she is of that animal, how could she possibly confuse the two of us?

“Mer, I don’t mind many things, but confusing me with that mutt? That stings.”

Ruan knew she adored the puppy.

She held it every night.

But this… this was different.

“Ruan, this is a secret. But… I really like Ruan. Truly.”

A secret? Everyone in Phenomenon Village already knows.

But when she whispered it with such trembling honesty, a wave of sorrow hit him.

“Yes, I know. How much you adore that dog. That’s why you hold it close every night. But tell me, Mer—who here doesn’t know that?”

“No, I mean really. I love him so much it feels like my heart might burst. But I can never say it. Because the hurt he gave me is still too great. And because he doesn’t belong here. He’ll go back to where he came from. That’s why I’ll hide these feelings deep, where no one can find them. Ruan, you understand me, don’t you?”

Her words struck him like a hammer to the skull.

“…Mer. The Ruan you’re talking about—are you speaking of me?”

Instead of answering, she kissed him again.

“Shh! I said it was a secret. And now you’re talking? Wait… you’re speaking human words? Or am I suddenly able to understand dog speech? How strange.”

Good God.

This woman will be the death of me.

Ruan sat her on the bed and crouched before her.

“I too find it strange—how you can mistake me for a creature that small. Surely I’m at least a little better than that dog?”

But she only cupped his face, squishing his cheeks as if she hadn’t even heard.

“Exactly! How can I even understand what you’re saying?”

When she leaned in again, lips puckered, Ruan pushed her gently onto the bed.

“At first, I liked it—the way you kissed me. But now? No. Last time, you stole a kiss and never remembered, leaving me to suffer alone with the memory. Do you mean to torture me until I die? If you want to kiss me, do it sober. Not like this.”

“But I can’t. I don’t have the courage. I can’t even confess to him—how could I kiss him while sober? Impossible.”

Is she drunk… or isn’t she?

He marveled at how, in her hazy state, she spoke so clearly of her heart, mistaking him for the dog yet baring her soul.

“You’ve acquired a new skill since I last saw you, my lady,” he muttered.

“Whenever I see him, my heart races so loudly it feels like it might leap out of my chest. But then the old wound aches, and I can neither embrace him nor say I love him.”

Her words—half a confession, half a lament—made his heart pound until he thought it might explode.

Strange… Why does it suddenly feel like Ruan the man is here, not the dog?

Merican blinked, the wine haze lifting just enough for her to think she must be dreaming.

“Then what if I’m the one who comes to you? If I embrace you, kiss you, claim you—would you push me away?”

Dream or not, it felt too vivid.

She flustered, waving her hands.

“Uh… I’ll think about it. Just give me a moment.”

Her hesitant reply nearly broke him.

If she would only grant me permission, I would never let her go.

“Very well. Think about it. If, after thinking, you give me leave, then starting tomorrow I’ll do everything in my power to win you over. My lady.”

But as he turned, waiting for her answer, the only sound that reached him was her steady breathing.

She had fallen asleep.

“If this is your revenge, Mer… then you’ve succeeded perfectly,” he whispered bitterly, gazing at her sleeping face before covering her with a blanket.

Woof, woof.

“Quiet, Ruan. Don’t wake her. She trusts me so completely, sleeps so defenselessly beside me… If I stay any longer, I’ll lose control. Guard your mistress well tonight, understand?”

Whimper.

The dog curled at her side as if in reply.

Ruan lingered a moment longer, then left the room.

***

The next morning, Zelda eyed him curiously and asked Merican,

“Rosaline, did something… happen between you two last night?”

“I don’t know. We had a glass of wine and must’ve fallen asleep.”

“A glass?”

“Yes.”

“No, Rosaline. What you drank was a bottle.”

Merican blinked, stunned.

“A bottle? But… I just remember drinking, then collapsing on the bed, clothes and all. When I woke up, I was still in the same dress—and I was sleeping next to Ruan.”

“Ruan? Which Ruan? Not that one, right?” Zelda’s eyes sparkled.

“Of course the puppy! Why would I be in bed with him?”

Her voice cracked as her face turned red.

So, it was the dog, not the duke, that made her panic.

Zelda smirked.

“If it’s not, then fine. But I’d say the problem is you didn’t end up in bed with the right Ruan.”

“Zelda! We’re not like that!”

“Oh, please. That man never takes his eyes off you. Push him away too much, and you’ll regret it.”

“Zelda, he’ll leave soon. He doesn’t belong here.”

“I don’t care what you say. That duke? He’s not leaving without you. So stop pushing. Oh! Look—tea stall. I’ll meet you by the lakeside stage at noon for the magic show.”

“Zel—Zelda!”

But she was gone.

Merican sighed, then glanced sideways at Ruan, who walked silently at her side.

“Um, Ruan. Did I… make a fool of myself last night?”

“No. Nothing of the sort.”

Then why do you sound so cold?

She hesitated, embarrassed. “I mean… the wine. Did I…?”

“Did you remember something?” His gaze sharpened.

“Not everything. Just… bits and pieces.”

His jaw tightened. “May I ask… what exactly you remembered?”

How could she say it? Her face burned scarlet.

“N-no! Forget it. Just… Please, forget everything I said last night. I wasn’t myself.”